A few years ago, I had a miscarriage, and when I was pregnant again a few months later, I struggled with anxieties that this new pregnancy would also end in miscarriage. I sought to faithfully carry these fears to God in prayer; I sought to rest in His care for me and for my unborn child. And that pregnancy ended in another miscarriage. My anxieties were realized. Did that mean that God ceased to care? That He wasn't listening to my prayers? No. God's care for me included circumstances that I would not have wished for, that I didn't understand, that were very hard to undergo. But He was still caring for me, even in the midst of trials. He carried me faithfully through the whole ordeal. Though I wept many tears over our loss, He kept me from despair. He gave me peace that passed all understanding, joy in the midst of suffering, and a new ability to care for other women facing multiple miscarriages. The end result (well, at least the end as far as I can see, but I'm sure there are many other things I'll only be aware of once I see it with heavenly eyes) was that I knew God more, that I trusted Him more, that I was more aware of His tender mercies to me, and that I was more fit for service to other women in similar circumstances. God cared for me too much to keep me from those gracious things.
There are many questions about suffering that are difficult for finite humans to fully answer. But we must trust God's Word when it tells us that if we are in Christ, not only do the easy blessings work for our good, but also the sufferings of this life, and even our own sin (Romans 8:28-30, among others). In fact, as the Heidelberg Catechism puts it, "all things must work together for my salvation" (Question 1), for my good, for the greater knowledge of Jesus and His glorious gospel. And these results are from a loving and caring Father, who does not withhold difficulty and discipline from his beloved children, but rather trains them through it to grow more like His firstborn, Jesus Christ.
Some helpful passages to meditate on when those fears become realities are the following:
1 comment:
Thanks for sharing all this, Sarah. It has been helpful to me to read about your struggles and the lessons you learned about contentment and anxiety.
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