We're in the early stages of a move right now (hence the lack of posts lately), and I've been taking spare minutes here and there to start the labourious task of going through long-neglected corners and cubbies and culling the contents. It amazes me how much six people can accumulate in the space of 5 short years! Kudos to those of you who've moved after a much longer stretch in one place, because this is bad enough, and I don't even consider myself much of a pack rat!
Of course, the upside of going through closets and files that you haven't touched in years is that you tend to get rewarded with memories--little locks of baby hair from the girl who just turned 9, a love letter from a very smitten boyfriend (now husband of a decade), a cassette tape from my highschool music program that I might listen to if I still had a cassette player... But among all these things, the memories that have been most on my mind since I discovered them in a box a couple weeks ago are in a little packet of cards that once contained large sums of money.
Nathan and I have had few seasons in life where we've had plenty of money to spare. And while I admit that I sometimes envy people who seem to be able to make large purchases without batting an eye, on the whole I really am content to be in the position of just having enough. Maybe it's my upbringing as the daughter of a small-town pastor turned urban church planter. We weren't ever rolling in the dough then either! But when things are tight enough that the car is not allowed to break down and the shoes are going to make it through one last winter or else, there are ample opportunities to experience the blessing of God's visible, miraculous provision (because invariably, the car will break down and those shoes won't last past December). And that little packet of cards are evidence of just that: God's visible, miraculous provision for us. They come from a variety of times over the course of our 10 years of marriage. There's a note that accompanied a brand new dryer when a dear couple in Louisville found out I was hanging all of Susanna's baby clothes up to dry over the shower rod in our little apartment (and another one from the same couple that had grocery money in it). There's an index card from old friends explaining that they'd come into some money and just thought they'd send us some of it (at a time when, unbeknownst to them, we had just lost some furniture in a move). There's a copy of an anonymous cheque for $2000 that was dropped in the offering plate for us when Nathan broke his knee 4 years ago and was out of work (can't wait until heaven when I get to find out who did that!). And that cheque is right alongside another card from that same day that came with another $200, bringing the total to exactly 2 months rent (We found out shortly thereafter that one of our friends had actually been praying for 2 months' rent for us). And there are many, many more! We figure that if we could go back and add it all up, we've been the recipients of unexpected provisions worth over 10 thousand dollars over the last 10 years. God has been so, so faithful to us!
And yet, still we doubt his faithfulness! Even now, in the midst of planning for a move, we are continually tempted to wonder how in the world we are going to get by. We're just like those disciples who had witnessed Jesus' provision again and again, and still wonder how he's going to manage to feed those 5,000 hungry people. And then, after he more than manages, they immediately wonder about this new crowd of 4,000. Where's their food going to come from? God provides for us over and over without fail, and yet we struggle to believe he can do it again. Well, I am here to testify to you, and (maybe even more so) to myself, that God has ALWAYS been faithful to us. There has NEVER been one true need unmet, NEVER been a lack of grace for the trials of the day, NEVER been an abandoning of us in the hour of our weakness. God has already been faithful in filling our greatest need--to be reconciled to him through Christ's death on our behalf. And if he did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and you needn't worry about lacking food or clothes or any other necessary thing. He feeds the birds; he'll feed us, too. God has been faithful; he will be again.
And yes, he has been again, because just last week, he provided yet another unexpected large sum of money to help finance this move, from a family member who is getting a settlement from a 20-year-long dispute (side note: how amazing that God would allow that to go on for so long, so that just at the right time, we'd get what we need!). Lord, we believe you are faithful; help our unbelief!
This move will be a down-size, so we have a lot to toss, sell and give away. But you'd better believe that little packet of cards will be coming with us. In fact, if I didn't think my two-year-old might rip them to shreds, I'd post them on the fridge for a constant reminder!
All I have needed, his hand has provided. He's always been faithful to me!
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Sunday, March 03, 2013
Moving The Introvert Walls
A couple weeks ago, I read an interesting and helpful blog post about introverts and evangelism by Seth McBee. Whether you're an extrovert or an introvert, it's worth a read, and you can find it here. The basic point of the post is that introverts shouldn't be expected to evangelise in the same way as extroverts, on whose personality many common evangelism methods are based, and should rather be encouraged to share the gospel in ways that are more tailored to their quieter, more backstage personalities. I've had first-hand observation of how an introvert can be very effective at sharing Christ with others in quieter ways: my mother was, is and likely always will be the epitome of "introverted", but that hasn't stopped her from obeying Jesus' command to go and make disciples. My dad, who is the extrovert, is great at striking up a conversation with just about anyone and quickly drawing them in. But my mother keeps their home open to all the people he brings in, serving them with good food and a pleasant atmosphere, and as she gets to know people, she has a quiet way of bring the wisdom and good news of Scripture to bear on their lives. I know several people who would say that it was as much my mother's hospitality and careful quiet words that brought them to Christ as it was my father's invitation and loud gospel proclamation. So I agree whole-heartedly with this post.
But as an introvert, I want to follow it up with a challenge for all my introverted friends. Because it is not the main point of his post, it is easy to gloss over McBee's caution that we not use our introverted personality as a crutch. As I've seen in my own life though, I think we ARE often guilty of using our introversion as an excuse to go hide in our room, or to remain a "silent cleaning assassin" our whole life long and never go beyond that. We introverts need time away from people to rejuvenate. There's nothing sinful about that; it's part of our God-ordained personality. But it is very easy for us to want that too much. I am so often like the Pharisees: in the interests of staying within the confines of the law, they developed many extra rules and traditions around each point of the law to make sure they didn't come close to breaking any of God's actual commands. I do the same with my personality--I know I need quiet time by myself to rest, so to make sure I get enough, I build a personal space wall that is far higher and farther out than I truly need. You know, just to make sure... And pretty soon, I start believing that the far-out spacing of those walls is what I really do need to function. I become more and more selfish with my time and space, and justify it by my personality.
I'm discovering lately though, that while my fundamental need for "alone time" hasn't changed, I don't need anywhere near as much as I thought I did. And I'm actually capable of talking to people I don't know very well, and being open with them. We've been around more people in the last couple months than I ever thought possible, and not only am I still functioning, but (in the interest of full disclosure), I'm actually enjoying getting to know lots of new people and opening our lives to them. Yes, I've had days here and there when I really feel the need to tune out and have some quiet, to be in my own head space for a nice long while. But most days, little snatches of peace here and there have been enough to sustain me. And you're talking to the girl who was just reminded the other night of how someone we lived with for a few months (in the same house) figured really getting to know me was a lost cause because I was so good at keeping to myself the whole time!
I'm challenging myself, and all you introverted folks out there, to question our wall-placement. Are we guarding our time and our tongue more than necessary? Are we willing to sacrifice personal space to love others and see many know Christ? What is more important to us: that we function in a way that is always comfortable and convenient to us, or that lost and hurting people feel our care and hear the good news we have to offer? I'm not asking us to morph into extroverts. I'm not asking us to completely forsake quiet rejuvenation--we do need that to function and be better able to care for others. I'm not asking us to be the babbling brooks in the midst of a crowd. I'm not asking us to go stand on a soapbox in the town square and preach to a bunch of total strangers. Not today, anyway. But I am asking us to examine our reasons for remaining hidden and silent, and to look for ways that we can move our walls closer in and lower down, to push ourselves to serve others and speak into their lives even when we did it yesterday. Or this morning. Or when they are a complete stranger.
Yes, we are given different personality strengths from extroverts, and we should use our bent toward reflection, quiet service and one-on-one communication to God's glory, working alongside our extroverted brothers and sisters as one body with many different members. Yet there is also joy to be found in stretching and pushing and sometimes serving out of our weaknesses. And let's face it, folks: there is a definite weakness in having a personality that pushes us away from people. (Not just knocking the introvert here; extroverts have their own weaknesses.) But here is an opportunity to know God's strength perfected in our weakness. We will not always feel fully functional and refreshed when we are embracing the call to hospitality and evangelism. We may occasionally feel like we just can't sustain one more hour with people. But that is a place where God's grace and power have the chance to shine, carrying us through and holding us up when we know we have no more energy of our own. Any grace I've had these past few months to go on joyfully interacting with people when that seems like all I'm doing all the time has been exactly that: GRACE! And so here is not a new law, but rather a new chance to see God's sustaining grace at work in your life.
Start by being a cleaning assassin for Jesus. Be an introverted evangelist, and by God's grace, excel at it. But also allow God to move your walls in, to perforate them and even tear them down when they are in the way of reaching others with his grace, because in so doing, you'll allow more room for his grace in your own life.
But as an introvert, I want to follow it up with a challenge for all my introverted friends. Because it is not the main point of his post, it is easy to gloss over McBee's caution that we not use our introverted personality as a crutch. As I've seen in my own life though, I think we ARE often guilty of using our introversion as an excuse to go hide in our room, or to remain a "silent cleaning assassin" our whole life long and never go beyond that. We introverts need time away from people to rejuvenate. There's nothing sinful about that; it's part of our God-ordained personality. But it is very easy for us to want that too much. I am so often like the Pharisees: in the interests of staying within the confines of the law, they developed many extra rules and traditions around each point of the law to make sure they didn't come close to breaking any of God's actual commands. I do the same with my personality--I know I need quiet time by myself to rest, so to make sure I get enough, I build a personal space wall that is far higher and farther out than I truly need. You know, just to make sure... And pretty soon, I start believing that the far-out spacing of those walls is what I really do need to function. I become more and more selfish with my time and space, and justify it by my personality.
I'm discovering lately though, that while my fundamental need for "alone time" hasn't changed, I don't need anywhere near as much as I thought I did. And I'm actually capable of talking to people I don't know very well, and being open with them. We've been around more people in the last couple months than I ever thought possible, and not only am I still functioning, but (in the interest of full disclosure), I'm actually enjoying getting to know lots of new people and opening our lives to them. Yes, I've had days here and there when I really feel the need to tune out and have some quiet, to be in my own head space for a nice long while. But most days, little snatches of peace here and there have been enough to sustain me. And you're talking to the girl who was just reminded the other night of how someone we lived with for a few months (in the same house) figured really getting to know me was a lost cause because I was so good at keeping to myself the whole time!
I'm challenging myself, and all you introverted folks out there, to question our wall-placement. Are we guarding our time and our tongue more than necessary? Are we willing to sacrifice personal space to love others and see many know Christ? What is more important to us: that we function in a way that is always comfortable and convenient to us, or that lost and hurting people feel our care and hear the good news we have to offer? I'm not asking us to morph into extroverts. I'm not asking us to completely forsake quiet rejuvenation--we do need that to function and be better able to care for others. I'm not asking us to be the babbling brooks in the midst of a crowd. I'm not asking us to go stand on a soapbox in the town square and preach to a bunch of total strangers. Not today, anyway. But I am asking us to examine our reasons for remaining hidden and silent, and to look for ways that we can move our walls closer in and lower down, to push ourselves to serve others and speak into their lives even when we did it yesterday. Or this morning. Or when they are a complete stranger.
Yes, we are given different personality strengths from extroverts, and we should use our bent toward reflection, quiet service and one-on-one communication to God's glory, working alongside our extroverted brothers and sisters as one body with many different members. Yet there is also joy to be found in stretching and pushing and sometimes serving out of our weaknesses. And let's face it, folks: there is a definite weakness in having a personality that pushes us away from people. (Not just knocking the introvert here; extroverts have their own weaknesses.) But here is an opportunity to know God's strength perfected in our weakness. We will not always feel fully functional and refreshed when we are embracing the call to hospitality and evangelism. We may occasionally feel like we just can't sustain one more hour with people. But that is a place where God's grace and power have the chance to shine, carrying us through and holding us up when we know we have no more energy of our own. Any grace I've had these past few months to go on joyfully interacting with people when that seems like all I'm doing all the time has been exactly that: GRACE! And so here is not a new law, but rather a new chance to see God's sustaining grace at work in your life.
Start by being a cleaning assassin for Jesus. Be an introverted evangelist, and by God's grace, excel at it. But also allow God to move your walls in, to perforate them and even tear them down when they are in the way of reaching others with his grace, because in so doing, you'll allow more room for his grace in your own life.
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