A Mother's Comfort
"Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world." (1 Peter 5:9)
About a month ago, when I revisited my blog after several years of neglect, I was reading through some old posts, and came across one where I referenced a post about anxiety on the Girltalk Blog that had been encouraging to me. As I clicked on the link and read about the many things in Kristin's mothering that had revealed anxiety in her, I was surprised. When I originally linked to the post back in 2005, the only thing on the list that I could identify with was that we'd both had unborn sons with potential heart issues that turned out to be nothing. But here, in 2012, as I read down the list, I discovered that in the meantime, we also matched up on febrile seizures, concerns over speech delays, and 2 miscarriages (and illness, but can't everyone identify with that?). I could identify with everything on her list. Now it's not a long list, but hey, what are the chances of having such similar issues over 4 kids as another pastor's daughter my age?
Quite good, according to 1 Peter 5:9.
One tactic that the devil tries to use against us is to convince us that we are alone in our struggles, that no one else can really understand, because no one else has every really been there. I mean, sure, motherhood is hard. And mothers struggle with anxiety. But no one else has dealt with my brand of anxiety, right? Mothers can be very proud. But surely no one else struggles with pride over such inane things as I do? If we believe this, it will keep us from humbly sharing our struggles and seeking help. It will make us feel like no one else sins like us, so we must be especially horrible and unable to be saved. It will make us proud that we have endured such things, while others have had such an easy ride. And it will make us question God's care for us, if we think we are the only one burdened this way. But Peter is here to tell us that we need to resist the devil, firm in our faith in God's salvation and kindness, because WE ARE NOT ALONE.
Have you ever thought you were alone in something, and when you finally got up the courage to share it, 3 other people in the room said, "Hey, I thought I was the only one!" That happens to me REGULARLY. So I am learning to believe God's Word when it says that we are NOT the only ones. Believers around the world are faced with all kinds of sins, and all kinds of trials, and none of them are completely unique.
What Peter reminds us of in 1 Peter 5:9 is that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by our brotherhood throughout the world! I want to meditate on this in conjunction with another passage about shared suffering, 2 Corinthians 1:3-7:
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort."
There are two main things I want to point out from these two passages:
1) What you are suffering is not unique to you. Some mother, somewhere in this world, has faced this trial before, perhaps even down to many of the details. And the chances are very good that someone quite near you has faced something very similar, or is currently facing it, or will face it shortly. In fact, God often places people in the same circles and gives them similar trials, so that they can minister to each other and grow together to trust Him more in the midst of the suffering. In 2 Corinthians, Paul tells the church that he is afflicted for their comfort and salvation. That's not the only reason for affliction, as Paul later says it was also to make him rely on God, but it is certainly one reason. Others have been afflicted so that you may be comforted, and one of the reasons you are afflicted is so that you can share comfort with others.
Sometimes you will find another woman who has already faced the grief of a miscarriage, and she is able to minister to you the lessons she has already learned through that trial and give you wisdom for dealing with it when you have one. Sometimes you will know someone who is also currently parenting a difficult child, and you can comfort each other and encourage each other to press on in forsaking anger and trusting God with that child and your parenting as you walk through it together. And sometimes, you will be the one who has already come through the anxieties of childhood seizures, and you can comfort another woman who is facing it now with the comfort you yourself have received.
But you will not necessarily know who these people are unless you are humble to share your trials with other believers. Most people don't walk around wearing signs that say "I used to find it very hard to submit to my husband", or "I have trouble getting my kids to church on time and it hurts my pride" or "I struggle with anxiety when I don't finish my to-do list". But even the most godly, confident people you know are not immune to struggle and suffering and fighting sin. If you are open about your trials, be they circumstantial or fights with sin (or both!), you will find many people who understand, who have been there, or are there, and who have comfort, exhortation and encouragement to offer.
2) What you are suffering is not unique to mothers. We often run to other mothers for help with struggles that relate to mothering. And there is not necessarily anything wrong with doing so. Often there is practical advice to be found from someone who has already stood in our shoes. But if we neglect the counsel and prayer of non-mothers just because we don't think they understand, we may be missing out on great wisdom and comfort from those "unlikely sources". Paul says that "no temptation has overtaken you except what is common to man" (1 Corinthians 10:13). And in 2 Corinthians, Paul tells the church that the comfort he and Timothy receive in their afflictions is in order that they can comfort them in any affliction. Paul's afflictions were often related to his traveling all over Asia Minor and facing violent persecution regularly, whereas the Corinthians were primarily dealing with divisions and immorality in the church. But Paul could comfort them in their different afflictions because he knew comfort from God in his own afflictions.
Specific life experience is NOT a qualification for ministering to other believers. If you've been comforted in your trials by the mercy and comfort of God, you are qualified, and called, to extend that comfort to others, whatever their trials may be. Likewise, we can and should be ministered to by others who know God's comfort, whether they are mothers or not. One of the reasons God comforts us in our afflictions is so that we can comfort others, whatever they are going through.
Furthermore, many non-mothers can understand the specific struggle we're going through because they fight the same sins and have the same sorts of trials, even though they differ in the particulars. While a single woman in your small group may not understand what it is like to pursue hospitality in a chaotic home full of kids (or is that a home full of chaotic kids?), she may very well understand hindrances to hospitality like busyness or anxiety about how the home looks. A young student in your church might not sympathize completely with your desire to have your children appear perfectly mannered and groomed at all times so that everyone will respect your parenting, but s/he is likely to have desires to please others with outward success or actions in schoolwork or other areas. Your middle-aged pastor and father of grown children has never lived the life of a young mother who worries over the sleep of infants, but I bet he's faced anxieties in his life, and he may have some memory, however vague, of helping his wife through the same thing. Your husband is human too, and while he may not fight discontentment when the dinner burns, he probably does fight discontentment when the computer crashes in the middle of a work assignment. And we are missing out if we are unwilling to receive comfort and wisdom from each of these people. The Body of Christ is not an exclusive club for mothers (or fathers, or singles, or families, or certain ethnic groups). It is a body of various kinds of parts all working together to build each other up in love into unity in Christ (Ephesians 4:15-16). This is biblical fellowship, and it is a beautiful thing!
So the next time you struggle with something and are tempted to hide away in despair or pride, thinking you're the only one who's ever felt this way, remember that brothers and sisters all over the world are experiencing the same thing. Remember that they are there to help you, and you are there to help them, so that we may all resist the devil, have much comfort by the mercy of God, and grow up together into Him who is the head of the body which is the Church.
No comments:
Post a Comment