If you read my post on sleeping, you probably spent some time laughing at the ridiculous idea of actually SLEEPING, and then spent some time weeping because you wish you could (and because your hormones are doing funny things to your emotions these days).
If that's you, I want to especially encourage you with some thoughts today.
First of all, please know that I am well aware that "sleep" and "newborn" are often opposites. And I know all the rest of us mothers are telling you to "sleep when the baby sleeps", but that can be hard if you're a first time mother struggling with anxiety and lack of experience, or if you've got other kids at home who don't sleep when the baby sleeps. The simple fact is that mothers of newborns don't get enough sleep, even when they try.
I want to pass along a little practical advice on how to get more sleep (even if it's still not enough), and then encourage you with grace for all those times when you really can't.
Recognize your limitations: In more "traditional" societies, when you had a baby, you spent anywhere from 2 weeks to a month at home, resting. In our busy, modern culture, you get a few days at most. If you give birth in a hospital, they come in at all odd hours to wake you up for vital sign checking and to ask you when you last fed the baby, and then they send you home to resume your normal life after 2-4 days. Don't get me wrong - it's nice to be home. No more midnight wake-ups just to make sure your blood pressure isn't skyrocketing. But what awaits you at home? Laundry, cooking, dishes, cleaning, grocery shopping, pressure to be at church and social functions so that everyone can see the baby, and of course, all the work of tending to a newborn. And pride or unrealistic expectations often motivate us to get back to all of those things as soon as we are mentally ready. We don't want people to drop by and see that there are dirty clothes on the floor. We want our family to think we still care for the rest of them by making good meals and reading to the older kids every time we sit down to nurse. So when we could be sleeping, we are working. Now I'm not advocating laziness here. But there is a time and a place for REST, and one of those times is the first weeks after a new baby. Your body is exhausted from pregnancy and labour; your emotions are playing funny tricks on you because of those hormones, and you are not sleeping through the night anymore. This is a time to cut back on doing, to remind yourself that you are not Superwoman, that you are physically weak and emotionally fragile and the one of the best ways you can care for your family and yourself is to rest from your labours so that you will have renewed strength for the days and months to come. Don't use all your baby's naps to catch up on housework, or facebook or to cook a gourmet meal. SLEEP. There will be many a day for baking and dusting and cleaning out your inbox. But this may not be one of them.
Get help: Humble yourself to ask for help from family, friends and fellow church members. If you are dying of exhaustion, ask someone to take the older kids for a few hours (or the day!). Call a friend to ask if they can share some of their dinner with you (preferably early enough in the day that they'll have some time to prepare). Let your husband handle some of the housework, even if he doesn't do it the way you would. A happy mother in a man's idea of a clean house is far better than a weepy, exhausted mother in a spotless house (and you may discover that your husband's version of a clean house is actually pretty nice). If you have a good church where people are really loving each other, you will probably have lots of help offered to you. Take it! But if you don't, don't be too proud to ask. And if all else fails, there are seasons when letting older kids watch extra movies during the day (at your discretion and within reason, of course) for a few weeks is better than having a mother who can't cope with them because she's losing her mind.
Cast your anxieties on God who cares for you: If you're not sleeping because infant breathing patterns or the little noises they make in their sleep are keeping you awake and watchful, remember to cast those anxieties on the Lord. Know that these sounds are normal, but also know that God is caring for you and for your baby, and let that little one rest safely in the arms of his or her Creator. This is easier said than done, but you need to fight to trust. As my husband always says, "They tend... to live!" And even if your baby is the one who doesn't, God will be faithful to give you the strength and grace you need then. Your staying awake is not likely to do much for them other than exhaust their food supply. So sleep soundly, knowing that all your child's days have already been ordained for him or her by a loving and caring Father. Check Part 4 for more on anxiety.
Now some of you are already doing all those things, and you're still exhausted. Can I say something you might not expect?
That is a very good place to be.
We spend so much time enjoying our strengths, loving the times when we can do everything and be everything to all people. We hate to be weak, to be exhausted, to be strung out so far that we feel like we're going to spontaneously combust. But that is exactly where God's strength is made perfect. When we're relying on our own energy, strength and wisdom to get through the day, we go through our small trials in self-reliance, often not even thinking about how God relates to our lives. But when you are at the end of your rope, when you are at the place where you are fully aware that you are weak and broken and helpless and can't do much of anything just because of a simple lack of sleep, that is the place where you will learn the glory and power of God's sustaining strength. Paul wrote to the church at Corinth: "We were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead... We have this treasure in jars of clay (fragile bodies) to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us... But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 1:8b-9, 4:7, 12:9-10) When you are exhausted by the demands of mothering, that is when you are forced to your knees, and that is where you are in a position to receive the overwhelming comfort and strength that can only come from our Heavenly Father. So do not despise the trial of fatigue and emotional turmoil, but run to your strong Father and know his glorious power perfected in weakness.
If you want further resources on walking through hormonal issues (pregnancy, postpartum depression, PMS and menopause) in a God-glorifying manner, the girltalk blog did an excellent 3-week series on it 4 years ago. You can find the first link in the series here, or the whole series on one page here.
And now... go have a nap :)
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