Hope and Help for the Trials of Motherhood: In Conclusion

A Father's Dominion


"Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.  Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.  Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen." (1 Peter 5:5-11)


Motherhood is hard. It is full of little daily trials - bickering children, runny noses, spilled milk, stains on a freshly-laundered shirt, fatigue. It is also often full of bigger, harder trials - Christmas Day trips to the ER, car accidents, rebellious children, severe financial stresses, breast cancer, miscarriages, deaths in the family.


But how thankful we can be that in the midst of all these trials, we serve the God who is King over the universe, Ruler of the nations, Sovereign over every detail - big and small - of our lives! How thankful we should be that we are not in control, that our good does not depend on us but rather sits on the shoulders of the Governor of all the earth.


1 Peter 5:5-11 was written to give hope and help to suffering Christians, and it is no mistake that Peter ends this passage with a doxology praising God for His dominion, His sovereignty, His eternal kingship.


It is God's kingship that informs every promise of 1 Peter 5, and it is God's kingship that should motivate us to obey every command of 1 Peter 5.


We seek to submit to those in leadership over us - both in the church and in our home - because we know that they are in those positions of leadership by the sovereign placement of God. We do not proudly trust our own understanding, but listen to their wisdom because we trust that God uses His leaders in carrying out His plans for us.


We desire to be humble in share our struggles and needs with other believers, serving them and allowing them to serve us, because we acknowledge that we are not in control; we are not the rulers of our lives. We are not proud, because the King of the Universe opposes the proud, but gives grace to those who are humble, and we desperately need the grace of our Sovereign Lord. And God has ordained to give us grace through His Body when we humbly share our lives with them.


We are content under the mighty hand of God`s kingship, because we know that in His sovereignty, He dispenses both trials and blessings to work out His good plan for our lives. We do not assert an ability to decide what is best for us, but rather joyfully entrust both our pleasant days and our excruciating days to the Mighty King of all.


We are not anxious about anything, but in everything present our requests to Him who sits on the throne, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving that He is sovereignly working all things to our good. We need not be anxious, because our lives are not under our control, but under the control of the powerful King who cares for us.


We are alert to the devil`s prowling, fully aware that he opposes the reign of our King and would like nothing better than to destroy His kingdom and people. But we have a confident alertness because we know that our King has already won the victory over Satan, and that Satan must submit to His authority. We resist the devil, firm in our faith in the Master of all things.


We are comforted by the fellowship of suffering with other believers, thankful that our caring Sovereign has not left us to manage this world and the devil on our own as individuals, but is building a kingdom of comforted sufferers who work together by His Spirit to build each other up in Christ.


We are full of hope in all circumstances because our eternal future is in the hands of the Ruler of history who has called us and promised to wipe every tear from our eyes as He restores, confirms, strengthens and establishes us in His eternal glory in Christ.


God's hope for every mother is much more than a life of enduring, grinding existence until her sad life is done and she goes to her grave. Much more! And 1 Peter 5 gives us wisdom to walk in and hope to cling to, so that we can be joy-filled, humble, confident, loving, serving mothers who glorify our God and Saviour, to whom be the dominion forever and ever. Amen!

After the Last Tear Falls

When it's been a long day, the song "After the Last Tear Falls" by Andrew Peterson from his album Love and Thunder is always an encouragement to me. I love the thought that there will be a last time for every bad thing and God's love will outlast them all.

After the last tear falls
After the last secret's told
After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone
After the last child starves
And the last girl walks the boulevard
After the last year that's just too hard
There is love, love, love, love
There is love, love, love, love
There is love


After the last disgrace
After the last lie to save some face
After the last brutal jab from a poison tongue
After the last dirty politician
After the last meal down at the mission
After the last lonely night in prison
There is love, love, love, love
There is love, love, love, love
There is love


And in the end, the end is oceans and oceans of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen were caught in the palms 
Of the Giver of Love and the Lover of All
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales


Cause after the last plan fails
After the last siren wails
After the last young husband sails off to join the war
After the last "this marriage is over!"
After the last young girl's innocence is stolen
After the last years of silence that won't let a heart open
There is love, love, love, love
There is love, love, love, love
There is love


And in the end, the end is oceans and oceans of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of Love and the Lover of All
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales


Cause after the last tear falls
There is love
Meadow green and river wide (love, love, love)
Valley deep and mountain high (love, love, love)

(copyright 2003 Provident Label Group LLC, used by permission)


Friends, there will be a last SIDS death, a last back-talking child, a last bout of the flu, a last load of laundry, a last tired day... Let us hold fast our confidence and our boasting in our hope (Hebrews 5:6)!

A Mother's Hope Continued

"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you." (1 Peter 5:10)


Yesterday, we went through the first part of 1 Peter 5:10, and noted three things that give us hope to sustain us in trials: the brevity of our suffering, the fact that God is gracious, and the fact that we are called by God to His eternal glory in Christ.


But as if all that weren't enough, Peter also offers us the hope that to some measure now, and for certain on that day when our earthly suffering comes to an end, God Himself will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish us. Now to get a little technical for a minute, the verb "confirm" in the Greek is somewhere in between "strengthen" and "establish" in a nuanced way that I don't understand (and commentators weren't much help there either). So I'm going to separate those 4 verbs into 3 categories and briefly meditate on how each one gives us hope for the longings that rise out of our earthly trials.


1) He will RESTORE you. When we suffer, we long to be made whole, to be made fully and finally free from all temptations to sin, and fully able to love and worship God as we ought. That is what we were made for. But our experience on this earth is often one of not doing what we want to do, of falling short, of being torn down, of dying. We live in a broken world and we are broken people. And mothering frequently exposes our brokenness and sin. We get anxious, we are proud, we get annoyed over little requests of our time, we don't love our children and husbands as we want to.


We need to cling to the hope that when Christ became a curse for us on the cross, he redeemed us from the curse of brokenness and death that was proclaimed over man after his fall in the Garden. And the day is coming when God Himself will fully restore us to the position of Adam and Eve in the Garden before they fell in sin. Sin and sorrow will be no more; our bodies will be made whole, no longer given to pain and aging and death; fatigue will be replaced by boundless energy; boredom will be replaced by enthusiastic worship; time will no longer tick away; refreshment and joy will be our continual experience.


What is more, that restoration process has already begun. If you are in Christ, sin no longer has power over you. If you are in Christ, your inner self is being renewed day by day. In fact, the very trials that make you long for restoration are being used to make you more like Christ, as you were intended to be, if you will only hold steadfast and hope in the God who has full restoration in store for you.


2) He will STRENGTHEN you. We long for strength for each day - for physical energy to tackle our tasks, for emotional strength to face the day's turmoil, for mental strength to answer a million "whys", for spiritual strength to cling to our Saviour and keep away from sin. And yet we are so weak, so easily laid low by illness or lack of sleep. Our emotions turn on a dime and we cry or get angry for reasons we don't understand. Our kids ask questions we cannot even remotely begin to answer, or we can't remember our own phone number, or why we went upstairs in the first place. And we forget God, we give in to temptation, we stumble in sin again.


The fall stole our strength, but we endure the trials of weakness with the hope that part of our future restoration will involve the redemption of our physical bodies. God Himself will give us strength beyond what we've known on our healthiest days. Our minds will be clear and focused, and we'll worship God with our whole heart and soul, without any wavering.


We receive this strength in part now as God sustains us, gives us hope and the power to endure joyfully as we go through the trials of this life. In this life, God's strengthening manifests itself most clearly in our hours of weakness. But we can go through those hours with the sure hope that the God who called us WILL sustain us by His perfect strength until the day that He grants us perfect strength.


3) He will ESTABLISH you.  Life is ever-changing. We never know what the next moment will bring. Our emotions are constantly fluctuating, and the smallest of trials can seem to derail our morning. Our children go from dancing around the room happily to wailing uncontrollably in a matter of minutes. Our finances fall apart. We have to move to a new house and set up shop again. People we lean on for help and encouragement move away or die. We long for stability and security.


1 Peter 5:10 assures us of the hope that God will establish us. The God who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, in Whom there is no shadow of turning--this God will set us in a firm place, a place where nothing ever changes for the worse, a place where moth and rust do not destroy, a place where the work we do will last forever and ever as a testament to His glory and grace, a place where we cannot be moved and where there will never be need to flee, a place where we will have an eternal home.


Even now, in this world so full of fluctuation and instability, we have the very present hope of a solid rock on which to stand. Psalm 121 tells us that those who look to the Lord for help will not be moved. Psalm 46 tells us that in the midst of the turmoil and upheaval of this world, God is our refuge and fortress who keeps us stable. Psalm 18 tells us that God is our rock and stronghold in distress. And I have always loved the imagery of Psalm 63:8, where it describes our soul clinging to God (I have a picture in my head of hanging over a cliff, holding on for dear life), and yet all the while God's hand is underneath, holding us up. 




Note also that Peter doesn't say God is going to send an angel or someone else to do all these things. He is going to do it HIMSELF. He himself will personally wipe every tear from your eyes, and will personally restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you. He himself is currently holding you up, sustaining you through long days and long nights until that great Day when "long" will be fully replaced by "eternal", and hope will finally be sight.


So when you're having one of those days that seems like it will never end - even if it's the kind where your husband calls and says he's going to be home late - be faithful to your responsibilities with the strength God provides for you, in the joy that you are no longer a slave to anger and discontentment if you are in Christ, resting firmly on the rock that is Christ, clinging to the hope of 1 Peter 5:10.

Hope and Help for the Trials of Motherhood: Part 7

A Mother's Hope


"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." (1 Peter 5:10)


Have you ever had one of those days that seems like it will NEVER end? You know, the kind that starts at 4:00 a.m. with a bed-wetter and you being unable to go back to sleep, and continues into 3 cups of milk spilled in one breakfast. Then, as you realize that you forgot to pay the phone bill again, the baby spits up all over himself and the play gym. You go to clean him up and discover that the toddler has clogged the toilet with some toy and it is overflowing all over the bathroom floor. And right now, she's colouring on the living room wall. Oh, and there goes the 4th cup of milk... on the carpet this time. Of course, this is also the day that your husband calls and says he has to work late. You want to go back to bed and hide under the covers.


Would it make any difference in your attitude that day if instead of calling and saying he had to work late, your husband called and told you that your sister was coming over with dinner for the kids at 5, and he was taking you out for a quiet evening at your favourite restaurant and had picked out a special gift for you, just for all the hard work you put into taking care of the kids all day every day? Would you be motivated to clean up all the messes with a little more energy and a smile? Would the day suddenly feel a little shorter? Would you be remembering with each new task that your evening of quiet and refreshment and time with the one you love most was coming soon? 


How different our outlook on trials and suffering is when we have the hope of good things to come! And God is gracious to give us promises of future glory to cling to when our world feels like it is falling apart. He has not left us in the dark about what is coming. Of course, we don't know all the specifics, but the Bible is clear that whatever it looks like in the specifics, the future of every believer is GLORIOUS - empty of condemnation, full of rewards and an eternity of loving and worshiping our Saviour without any hindrances! 


Sometimes our days feel long. Sometimes our LIFE feels long. But Peter assures us in 1 Peter 5:10 that after we have suffered a little while, there will be glory. He holds this forth as a truth to sustain us and give us joy even in the midst of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day... or month... or year. 


First, he says that our suffering is really only for "a little while". Though it may seem like an eternity to us, our earthly suffering is actually only very brief. The Bible continually refers to man's life as a vapour, a flower that is here today and gone tomorrow. From the view of eternity, 70-80 years is VERY short. You suffer here for fewer decades than you can count on your fingers, and then you get forever and ever and ever, world without end of glory. So when your days feel long, hope in the eternal joy that will be far, far longer than you can even imagine!


Then Peter points us to the "God of all grace". When our earthly suffering is long and hard, we need to hope in the God who is gracious to save us from all eternal suffering through the death and resurrection of Jesus, who took the suffering for our sins in our place. We need to hope in the God who is gracious to care for us even through suffering, the God whose grace is sufficient for us, and whose power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9-10; See the end of Dear Mothers of Newborns for more on that). We need to hope in the God of all grace, who has such a future of grace and eternal glory planned for us that it is beyond the scope of our imagination!


Furthermore, we have hope in the fact that we've been "called to his eternal glory in Christ". This is not a wishing kind of hope, like when we say, "I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow." This is a hope that is sure, because is dependent on God's call, not on our dreams or effort. And while we who are called should work out our salvation with fear and trembling, our hope is in the fact that God's gifts and His calling are irrevocable (Romans 11:29), that those whom He has called, He also justifies and glorifies (Romans 8:29-30), that He who has called you is faithful and will sustain you to the end (1 Corinthians 1:4-9). God has promised, God does not lie, and He has already shown His faithfulness in sending Christ to be our high priest, and therefore we have a sure and steadfast hope, an anchor for our souls on those long days of trial (Hebrews 6:17-20).


There is, in fact, even more hope to be found in this one little verse, but in order to keep the post size manageable (I really am trying to do that!), I will write on the last part of the verse tomorrow.

Friday Miscellanea

It's been a busy week, with not much time for writing. We're in the last big push for school, trying to finish up some major projects before the (hopefully) nice downward slide to the end of the year.

Part 7 of Hope and Help is coming on Monday, and there will probably be several follow-up posts next week.

But today, I have just enough time to share a couple helpful links:

Good post on kinds of "guilt" women feel and whether they're legit or not, over at Femina Girls.

If you haven't listened in on any of the sermons from Together for the Gospel 2012, they're all available online, and the ones I've heard have been very good. I especially recommend Kevin DeYoung's message on faith and effort. It has challenged me on to make a real effort to grow in godliness, even as I seek to rest in faith in the power of the Spirit for real change.

We've got books to glue and masks to paint and clay to sculpt today (at least it's all "fun" stuff), so that's it for today. Back on Monday with more in-depth stuff.

Hope and Help for the Trials of Motherhood: Part 6

A Mother's Comfort


"Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world." (1 Peter 5:9)


About a month ago, when I revisited my blog after several years of neglect, I was reading through some old posts, and came across one where I referenced a post about anxiety on the Girltalk Blog that had been encouraging to me. As I clicked on the link and read about the many things in Kristin's mothering that had revealed anxiety in her, I was surprised. When I originally linked to the post back in 2005, the only thing on the list that I could identify with was that we'd both had unborn sons with potential heart issues that turned out to be nothing. But here, in 2012, as I read down the list, I discovered that in the meantime, we also matched up on febrile seizures, concerns over speech delays, and 2 miscarriages (and illness, but can't everyone identify with that?). I could identify with everything on her list. Now it's not a long list, but hey, what are the chances of having such similar issues over 4 kids as another pastor's daughter my age?

Quite good, according to 1 Peter 5:9.

One tactic that the devil tries to use against us is to convince us that we are alone in our struggles, that no one else can really understand, because no one else has every really been there. I mean, sure, motherhood is hard. And mothers struggle with anxiety. But no one else has dealt with my brand of anxiety, right? Mothers can be very proud. But surely no one else struggles with pride over such inane things as I do? If we believe this, it will keep us from humbly sharing our struggles and seeking help. It will make us feel like no one else sins like us, so we must be especially horrible and unable to be saved. It will make us proud that we have endured such things, while others have had such an easy ride. And it will make us question God's care for us, if we think we are the only one burdened this way. But Peter is here to tell us that we need to resist the devil, firm in our faith in God's salvation and kindness, because WE ARE NOT ALONE.

Have you ever thought you were alone in something, and when you finally got up the courage to share it, 3 other people in the room said, "Hey, I thought I was the only one!" That happens to me REGULARLY. So I am learning to believe God's Word when it says that we are NOT the only ones. Believers around the world are faced with all kinds of sins, and all kinds of trials, and none of them are completely unique.

What Peter reminds us of in 1 Peter 5:9 is that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by our brotherhood throughout the world! I want to meditate on this in conjunction with another passage about shared suffering, 2 Corinthians 1:3-7:


"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort."

There are two main things I want to point out from these two passages:

1) What you are suffering is not unique to you. Some mother, somewhere in this world, has faced this trial before, perhaps even down to many of the details. And the chances are very good that someone quite near you has faced something very similar, or is currently facing it, or will face it shortly. In fact, God often places people in the same circles and gives them similar trials, so that they can minister to each other and grow together to trust Him more in the midst of the suffering. In 2 Corinthians, Paul tells the church that he is afflicted for their comfort and salvation. That's not the only reason for affliction, as Paul later says it was also to make him rely on God, but it is certainly one reason. Others have been afflicted so that you may be comforted, and one of the reasons you are afflicted is so that you can share comfort with others.

Sometimes you will find another woman who has already faced the grief of a miscarriage, and she is able to minister to you the lessons she has already learned through that trial and give you wisdom for dealing with it when you have one. Sometimes you will know someone who is also currently parenting a difficult child, and you can comfort each other and encourage each other to press on in forsaking anger and trusting God with that child and your parenting as you walk through it together. And sometimes, you will be the one who has already come through the anxieties of childhood seizures, and you can comfort another woman who is facing it now with the comfort you yourself have received.

But you will not necessarily know who these people are unless you are humble to share your trials with other believers. Most people don't walk around wearing signs that say "I used to find it very hard to submit to my husband", or "I have trouble getting my kids to church on time and it hurts my pride" or "I struggle with anxiety when I don't finish my to-do list". But even the most godly, confident people you know are not immune to struggle and suffering and fighting sin. If you are open about your trials, be they circumstantial or fights with sin (or both!), you will find many people who understand, who have been there, or are there, and who have comfort, exhortation and encouragement to offer.

2) What you are suffering is not unique to mothers. We often run to other mothers for help with struggles that relate to mothering. And there is not necessarily anything wrong with doing so. Often there is practical advice to be found from someone who has already stood in our shoes.  But if we neglect the counsel and prayer of non-mothers just because we don't think they understand, we may be missing out on great wisdom and comfort from those "unlikely sources". Paul says that "no temptation has overtaken you except what is common to man" (1 Corinthians 10:13). And in 2 Corinthians, Paul tells the church that the comfort he and Timothy receive in their afflictions is in order that they can comfort them in any affliction. Paul's afflictions were often related to his traveling all over Asia Minor and facing violent persecution regularly, whereas the Corinthians were primarily dealing with divisions and immorality in the church. But Paul could comfort them in their different afflictions because he knew comfort from God in his own afflictions.

Specific life experience is NOT a qualification for ministering to other believers. If you've been comforted in your trials by the mercy and comfort of God, you are qualified, and called, to extend that comfort to others, whatever their trials may be. Likewise, we can and should be ministered to by others who know God's comfort, whether they are mothers or not. One of the reasons God comforts us in our afflictions is so that we can comfort others, whatever they are going through.

Furthermore, many non-mothers can understand the specific struggle we're going through because they fight the same sins and have the same sorts of trials, even though they differ in the particulars.  While a single woman in your small group may not understand what it is like to pursue hospitality in a chaotic home full of kids (or is that a home full of chaotic kids?), she may very well understand hindrances to hospitality like busyness or anxiety about how the home looks. A young student in your church might not sympathize completely with your desire to have your children appear perfectly mannered and groomed at all times so that everyone will respect your parenting, but s/he is likely to have desires to please others with outward success or actions in schoolwork or other areas. Your middle-aged pastor and father of grown children has never lived the life of a young mother who worries over the sleep of infants, but I bet he's faced anxieties in his life, and he may have some memory, however vague, of helping his wife through the same thing. Your husband is human too, and while he may not fight discontentment when the dinner burns, he probably does fight discontentment when the computer crashes in the middle of a work assignment. And we are missing out if we are unwilling to receive comfort and wisdom from each of these people. The Body of Christ is not an exclusive club for mothers (or fathers, or singles, or families, or certain ethnic groups). It is a body of various kinds of parts all working together to build each other up in love into unity in Christ (Ephesians 4:15-16). This is biblical fellowship, and it is a beautiful thing!

So the next time you struggle with something and are tempted to hide away in despair or pride, thinking you're the only one who's ever felt this way, remember that brothers and sisters all over the world are experiencing the same thing. Remember that they are there to help you, and you are there to help them, so that we may all resist the devil, have much comfort by the mercy of God, and grow up together into Him who is the head of the body which is the Church.

Saturday Morning at My House

I'm upstairs this morning, trying to focus on praying, and all I can hear is the kids downstairs playing some game about who tastes like what. And as I strive to meditate on God's sovereignty and the hope that I have in the gospel (you know--weighty, serious matters), this is the conversation in the background:

Child 1: "I taste like meatballs covered with chicken!"
Child 2: "I taste like slugs!"
Child 1: "I taste like cod liver oil!"
Child 3: "Well, I SMELL like cod liver oil!"

Seriously.

So then I just have to stop and thank God for His sovereignty in the choice of noisy, crazy children I have :)

Dear Mothers of Newborns

If you read my post on sleeping, you probably spent some time laughing at the ridiculous idea of actually SLEEPING, and then spent some time weeping because you wish you could (and because your hormones are doing funny things to your emotions these days).

If that's you, I want to especially encourage you with some thoughts today.

First of all, please know that I am well aware that "sleep" and "newborn" are often opposites. And I know all the rest of us mothers are telling you to "sleep when the baby sleeps", but that can be hard if you're a first time mother struggling with anxiety and lack of experience, or if you've got other kids at home who don't sleep when the baby sleeps. The simple fact is that mothers of newborns don't get enough sleep, even when they try.

I want to pass along a little practical advice on how to get more sleep (even if it's still not enough), and then encourage you with grace for all those times when you really can't.

Recognize your limitations: In more "traditional" societies, when you had a baby, you spent anywhere from 2 weeks to a month at home, resting. In our busy, modern culture, you get a few days at most. If you give birth in a hospital, they come in at all odd hours to wake you up for vital sign checking and to ask you when you last fed the baby, and then they send you home to resume your normal life after 2-4 days. Don't get me wrong - it's nice to be home. No more midnight wake-ups just to make sure your blood pressure isn't skyrocketing. But what awaits you at home? Laundry, cooking, dishes, cleaning, grocery shopping, pressure to be at church and social functions so that everyone can see the baby, and of course, all the work of tending to a newborn. And pride or unrealistic expectations often motivate us to get back to all of those things as soon as we are mentally ready. We don't want people to drop by and see that there are dirty clothes on the floor. We want our family to think we still care for the rest of them by making good meals and reading to the older kids every time we sit down to nurse. So when we could be sleeping, we are working. Now I'm not advocating laziness here. But there is a time and a place for REST, and one of those times is the first weeks after a new baby. Your body is exhausted from pregnancy and labour; your emotions are playing funny tricks on you because of those hormones, and you are not sleeping through the night anymore. This is a time to cut back on doing, to remind yourself that you are not Superwoman, that you are physically weak and emotionally fragile and the one of the best ways you can care for your family and yourself is to rest from your labours so that you will have renewed strength for the days and months to come. Don't use all your baby's naps to catch up on housework, or facebook or to cook a gourmet meal. SLEEP. There will be many a day for baking and dusting and cleaning out your inbox. But this may not be one of them.

Get help: Humble yourself to ask for help from family, friends and fellow church members. If you are dying of exhaustion, ask someone to take the older kids for a few hours (or the day!). Call a friend to ask if they can share some of their dinner with you (preferably early enough in the day that they'll have some time to prepare). Let your husband handle some of the housework, even if he doesn't do it the way you would. A happy mother in a man's idea of a clean house is far better than a weepy, exhausted mother in a spotless house (and you may discover that your husband's version of a clean house is actually pretty nice). If you have a good church where people are really loving each other, you will probably have lots of help offered to you. Take it! But if you don't, don't be too proud to ask. And if all else fails, there are seasons when letting older kids watch extra movies during the day (at your discretion and within reason, of course) for a few weeks is better than having a mother who can't cope with them because she's losing her mind.

Cast your anxieties on God who cares for you: If you're not sleeping because infant breathing patterns or the little noises they make in their sleep are keeping you awake and watchful, remember to cast those anxieties on the Lord. Know that these sounds are normal, but also know that God is caring for you and for your baby, and let that little one rest safely in the arms of his or her Creator. This is easier said than done, but you need to fight to trust. As my husband always says, "They tend... to live!" And even if your baby is the one who doesn't, God will be faithful to give you the strength and grace you need then. Your staying awake is not likely to do much for them other than exhaust their food supply. So sleep soundly, knowing that all your child's days have already been ordained for him or her by a loving and caring Father. Check Part 4 for more on anxiety.

Now some of you are already doing all those things, and you're still exhausted. Can I say something you might not expect?

That is a very good place to be.

We spend so much time enjoying our strengths, loving the times when we can do everything and be everything to all people. We hate to be weak, to be exhausted, to be strung out so far that we feel like we're going to spontaneously combust. But that is exactly where God's strength is made perfect. When we're relying on our own energy, strength and wisdom to get through the day, we go through our small trials in self-reliance, often not even thinking about how God relates to our lives. But when you are at the end of your rope, when you are at the place where you are fully aware that you are weak and broken and helpless and can't do much of anything just because of a simple lack of sleep, that is the place where you will learn the glory and power of God's sustaining strength. Paul wrote to the church at Corinth: "We were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead... We have this treasure in jars of clay (fragile bodies) to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us... But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 1:8b-9, 4:7, 12:9-10) When you are exhausted by the demands of mothering, that is when you are forced to your knees, and that is where you are in a position to receive the overwhelming comfort and strength that can only come from our Heavenly Father. So do not despise the trial of fatigue and emotional turmoil, but run to your strong Father and know his glorious power perfected in weakness.

If you want further resources on walking through hormonal issues (pregnancy, postpartum depression, PMS and menopause) in a God-glorifying manner, the girltalk blog did an excellent 3-week series on it 4 years ago. You can find the first link in the series here, or the whole series on one page here.

And now... go have a nap :)

Hope for the Fight

Before the throne of God above

I have a strong and perfect plea -

A great High Priest whose name is Love

Who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on His hands,

My name is written on His heart.

I know that while in heaven He stands

No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair

And tells me of the guilt within,

Upward I look and see him there

Who made an end of all my sin.

Because the sinless Saviour died

My sinful soul is counted free,

For God the Just is satisfied

To look on him and pardon me.

Behold Him there the Risen Lamb,

My perfect spotless righteousness, 

The great unchangeable I AM, 

The King of glory and of grace.

One with Himself I cannot die.

My soul is purchased by His blood.

My life is hid with Christ on high,

With Christ my Saviour and my God!

-Charlotte Bancroft

"Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Saviour, through Jesus our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority before all time and now and forever. Amen." (Jude 24,25)

But Are You Sleeping?

A few years ago, a couple months after the birth of our third child, I had several weeks of intense depression, and was struggling deeply with temptations to despair. It was a very dark time in my life, and no matter how much I prayed, that darkness didn't seem to want to lift. But after what seemed like an eternity of fighting, one evening at our small group, I finally humbled myself enough to ask for help. And I admit I was a little surprised by one of the first questions that was asked after I confessed my struggle with despair. It wasn't "Are you reading your Bible?" or "Are you praying a lot?" or "Is there any great sin in your life?" The simple question was "Are you getting enough sleep?"

Sleep, good food, physical exercise, sunlight and fresh air (it was also the middle of the Canadian winter)... These things seem like such temporal, inconsequential things to us sometimes, but if we are not taking care of our physical bodies, we are leaving room for the devil's attacks. Being physically unhealthy can do much to disrupt our emotional, mental and spiritual health. Our souls are not divorced from the physical body we live in. Do you notice that it's harder to be joyful and content when you've had several days without enough sleep? Or when you've enjoyed a little too much junk food? Or when you've been running around all day and haven't taken the time to eat? I certainly do! And after that evening at small group, when I started making a real effort to get sleep whenever I could, and to get outside for some fresh air, the depression really did slowly begin to lift. 

While we don't want to put our hope in things like sleep and other healthy habits (any mother knows there are times when sleeping, eating and exercising properly are nearly impossible!), we do want to be taking care of the bodies God has given us as best we can, so that we have the energy and stamina to carry out our God-given responsibilities joyfully, and fight temptation with strength. Sometimes that means sleeping when the baby sleeps, even if it's not the most convenient time. (This is obviously harder if you have more than one child, in which case it might mean occasionally asking a friend to watch the older kids for an hour or two so you can get a little rest.) Sometimes that means not doing that "one more thing", so you can get to bed (I'm talking to myself here!). Sometimes that means saying no to a second helping of dessert, or a second cup of coffee. Sometimes it means the discipline of getting your body moving when you'd rather lie on the couch. And sometimes, when you really can't avoid a sleep deficit, or you're feasting for a good reason, or there's no time or health for exercise, it means being alert to the fact that those things may effect you negatively, and being prepared to fight the devil with other means.

I don't say any of this to discount real spiritual battles, to discount real hormonal issues, to discount more "spiritual" means of fighting temptation. I'm sure there were hormonal things going on when I was fighting depression (not uncommon after pregnancy and birth). I know there were real spiritual battles being fought, and I was seeking to fight them with the Word, with prayer, and with fellowship with godly believers. But the simple fact is that sometimes we miss the surface physical issues in the fight against sin. Charles Spurgeon once said, "Sometimes the most spiritual thing a person can do is sleep." Psalm 127 says that God gives sleep to those he loves (interesting that right after that verse, it tells us how much children are a blessing!). And when Elijah is running for his life from Ahab in 1 Kings 19, and cries out in great fear and depression, God sends sleep and food to encourage and strengthen him.

So let me ask you:

Are you sleeping?

Your Adversary

"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8)

There is a wonderful truth in 1 Peter 5:8 that you might overlook at first read (or even at multiple reads, as it just recently popped out to me, and I've read this many times). 


What does Peter call the devil here? He refers to him as "your adversary". Now at first glance, that may not sound comforting. No one wants an adversary! But what it means for the devil to be our adversary is that he is no longer our father. Once we were children of the darkness, children of the father of lies (John 8:43-45), following the prince of the power of the air (Ephesians 2:1-3), adversaries of God! But if we have repented of our sins and believed in Christ and are living a new life by the power of the Spirit, then we are assured that the devil's parental rights have been terminated (Romans 8:2-17, Ephesians 2:4-9). We are no longer required to submit to him, to follow him, to grow up to become like him. We've been adopted into the family of God; He is our new father and Jesus is our new brother, and the Spirit works in us hearts of obedience and faith toward our Father in Heaven. The devil is our adversary because we've been adopted into the family of his adversary. Isn't it amazing to think that we who were once children of the devil are now fundamentally opposed to him because we are a new creation - the children of the Holy God! Doesn't that make you want to be alert, to be on your guard, to resist the devil and draw near to God?

Hope and Help For the Trials of Motherhood: Part 5

Editor's Note: There are a lot of Scripture references in this one. Don't feel like you need to look each one up, but I've put them in for two reasons: one being to back up what I'm saying, and the other being that if you want further study and/or encouragement, you are free to look them up when you have time.


A Mother's Fight


"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world." (1 Peter 5:8-9)


Maybe it's somewhat irrational, but when I'm at the zoo with the kids and we go to see the lion exhibit, even though there's a huge pit between them and us, I'm always inclined to pull the kids in a little closer to me, and I'm a little more alert and ready to run than when we're at, say, the petting zoo. Now if you heard a news report that one of the lions had actually escaped and was being sighted around town, it wouldn't be anywhere close to irrational for you to be on continual alert, for you to keep a very close watch on your kids, for you to watch your back anytime you had to leave the house. Why? Because lions are dangerous. They can kill you. 


Peter compares the devil to a prowling lion in 1 Peter 5:8, and tells us to be sober-minded and watchful, in order that we may not be devoured. If we get caught unawares, our reaction time will be less swift, and we're more likely to be taken down. So we need to be on the alert at all times. Now this alertness is not an anxious alertness. This prowling lion is dangerous, but he's still under God's sovereignty. However, just as if a real lion was stalking our neighbourhood, we need to be watchful, and not just of ourselves, but of our children and others under our care. Are we alert to the devil's schemes? And are we training our children to be alert as well?


Here are some of the things we need to be watchful of, if we are to resist the devil and his attempts to destroy us:


1) Alert to Deception: What lies am I prone to believe? The Bible calls the devil "the Father of Lies" (John 8:44) and "the deceiver of the whole world" (Revelation 12:9). Just as he did in the Garden of Eden, he seeks to undermine God's truth in our lives by whispering his evil lies and questioning God's words to us. We need to be aware of our doubts and unbelief, so that we will not remain in it. Unbelief shows up in our hearts with questions like these: Does God really care about this situation? Is God really working for my good here? Can I really be saved from all the horrible things I've done? Am I not good enough to get to God without the cross? Can God really use my fallible leaders to help and guide me? Can other members of my church really understand what I'm going through, or be of any real help to me?


Resist: When I am tempted to disbelieve God's words and believe the devil's lies, I need to meditate on Scriptures that reaffirm to me God's truth, and help me hold fast to it.


2) Alert to False Guilt: Am I feeling guilty for sins I've repented of? This is a particularly common brand of the devil's deception. Satan literally means "the Accuser" and John refers to him as "the accuser of our brothers" in Revelation 12:10, saying that he accuses us "day and night before our God". He constantly whispers to us that we are sinners, guilty before a holy God and unable to be saved. He wants us to fall into despair, to believe the lie that God is not pleased with us, that our sins are too great. He wants us to be paralyzed by guilt, so that we are no longer energized and full of gospel faith to serve our God, to share His gospel. He wants us to give up and turn away from our Saviour. 


Resist: These are lies! 1 John 1:9 tells us that "if we confess our sins, [God] is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." If we have repented, our sin is forgiven, gone, done away with! God sees us through the perfect righteousness of Christ, "as if [we] had never sinned, nor been a sinner." Revelation 12:10 goes on to say that the Accuser has been thrown down, conquered by the blood of the Lamb. Your sin is gone. Don't try to wallow in it!


3) Alert to Circumstantial Trials: What situations in my life could present temptations to sin? When we encounter trials in our lives, those are places where temptations to discontentment or anxiety will be present, and the devil will have opportunities to work. So we need to remind ourselves to be on the lookout when life gets difficult.  It may be easier to recognize these temptations when the trials are large and the fighting is hard, but we need to be aware of the temptations in minor trials as well. It just takes a whiny child or a broken appliance or a stubbed toe to create temptation to dissatisfaction and anger. It just takes a call from a guest to say that they're only 15 minutes away to tempt us to anxiety. And if we're not on our guard against these little circumstantial temptations, the devil will have ample opportunity to tear us down, little by little. 


Resist: That's why we need to be casting our anxieties and our discontentment on God as soon as we recognize them, and let Him carry them before the devil uses them to pull us down.


4) Alert to Relational Conflicts: Am I harbouring anger or bitterness against someone? The devil loves those little footholds we leave for him. As Jeremiah Burroughs wrote, "The Devil loves to fish in troubled waters." And conflicts between people are great opportunities for him, because he has the chance to get more than one person at the same time. That's why the Bible tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger (Ephesians 4:26-27) and to root out all bitterness (Hebrews 12: 14-15). How is my relationship with my husband? With my children? With my leaders? With my fellow church members? With people who've wronged me? With people I've wronged?


Resist: If I am having conflicts with others, I need to humble myself and ask forgiveness where I have been wrong, and with much prayer, to do as much as I am able to restore peace, even when it is someone else who has wronged me (Romans 12:14-21). If you don't know how to do this, The Peacemaker by Ken Sande is an excellent resource.


5) Alert to Pride: The Bible consistently warns against pride in the same context as telling us to resist the devil. After all, the devil appealed to Eve's pride in the Garden, telling her that if she would only eat that fruit, she would be like God and have great wisdom (Genesis 3:1-7). Notice that even in this passage, Peter begins by telling us that God opposes the proud, that we need to humble ourselves, and then goes on to tell us to be alert and watchful against the devil's schemes (1 Peter 5:5-9). James uses the same connection in James 4:6-10. And in 1 Corinthians 10:12, Paul warns us against the pride of thinking temptation can't take us down, as that will likely lead to a fall. (Notice also the connection between grumbling or discontentment and the devil's destruction in verse 10). Where do I have pride in my life? Am I trying to be Supermom so others will think I'm great? Am I resisting admitting struggles and weaknesses to others because it will take me down a notch in their eyes? Am I feeling superior to others because of things I think I do better? Am I even aware of lack of humility in my life (often a good sign that there's secret pride there)?


Resist: We need to be praying for God to expose areas of pride in our lives, and intentionally seeking to humble ourselves both in what we say and in what we do. An excellent resource on this is Humility: True Greatness by C.J. Mahaney.


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But we shouldn't just be alert to the temptations; we need to be alert to our help in the fight, too! 


6) Alert to Means of Grace: Do I make good use of the things God has given me for this fight? Ephesians 6:10-18, among other passages, lists several things God has given to help us resist the attacks of the devil, and we need to make use of them. Am I reading Scripture regularly? Do I believe what I read with a heart of faith? Do I pray often? Do I pray prayers of praise? Am I quick to run to God when I am tempted? Am I regularly gathering together with other believers, and being humble in sharing my struggles with them and allowing them to help me? Am I listening to good teaching from God's word and submitting to the leadership of my church? Am I participating in the Lord's Supper regularly? Do I listen to music that lifts my soul to Christ? Am I reading good gospel-centred books? These are all means of grace that God has provided to aid us in the fight against sin and against our adversary. We neglect them to our peril.


7) Alert to Means of Escape: Peter tells us to resist the devil, and James tells us that when we do that, he will flee from us. But in 1 Corinthians 10:13, Paul also tells us that God never allows us to be tempted beyond what we can handle, and that he provides means of escape for us. Sometimes that escape looks like staying in the situation, but with much prayer and much praise and much work (If your children tempt you to anger, you can't really ship them out of the house... at least not for long! If your financial situation tempts you to anxiety, you may not necessarily be able to alleviate the financial strain; you need to be praying for peace and God's provision.) But sometimes the way of escape is actually escaping. For example, if I struggle with discontentment with the way my home looks every time I surf the web for home design ideas, I should probably stop my surfing! We need to fight temptation, but part of that fight is being alert to where we can legitimately avoid temptation without compromising our responsibilities.


8) Alert to the Spirit's Power: Am I fighting alone, or am I relying on the unimaginable power of the Holy Spirit at work in me? This is not a fight against flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12), so we cannot fight it with mere flesh and blood. But God has not left us to do so. If you are a believer in Christ, then God's Spirit is working in you. If we are walking in the Spirit, praying in the Spirit, he gives us strength for the fight, he fights for us, and he is actually praying for us in the fight. And if the Spirit is praying for us, we know that God will listen, and do whatever he asks! (Romans 8 and Galatians 5:16-24)


9) Alert to the Hope of God's Victory: This is not a fight against flesh and blood. The devil is a deceiver and a destroyer, and has led many astray. But his time is short (Revelation 12:7-12)! God has already won the victory over the devil at the cross, and his full and final defeat is coming when Christ returns to judge the living and the dead and throw him and all his angels into the abyss forever. For now, he roams the earth trying his best to defeat God's people. But his best is not better than God's best, and we are assured that no true child of God can be fully and finally defeated by the devil. All true children of God will endure to the end. So we fight already knowing the outcome of the fight. We already know who has the victory. And this is hope that helps give us strength for the fight! (1 Corinthians 15:54-58)


That lion is roaming the neighbourhood, and he's hungry. But God has not left us without means for the fight, and He already has the victory. So let's stay alert, and praise God for the outcome we know is sure!




I have a few more thoughts on this, coming over the next few days. And yes, they'll be shorter :)

The Reason for our Labour

"Now if Christ is proclaimed as raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain. We are even found to be misrepresenting God, because we testified about God that he raised Christ, whom he did not raise if it is true that the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile andyou are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied. 

But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For as by a man came death, by a man has come also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive...

When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: 

    'Death is swallowed up in victory.'

    'O death, where is your victory?

       O death, where is your sting?'

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labour is not in vain."

1 Corinthians 15:12-22, 54-58

What a Good Friday!

I have to be honest - I'm not the biggest animal lover in the world. I mean, I think puppies and kittens are cute like the rest of you, but I don't generally have deep feelings of affection for any animal, pet or not (I don't think it's wrong to... that's just my personality). So when I read in Old Testament Passover accounts about the killing of lambs and bulls in the place of sinners, I have to admit that it doesn't strike me as being THAT big a deal. Certainly, seeing anything die on your behalf would be sobering, and watching thousands of animals die on one day would be striking (and gruesome). But they're just sheep and cattle.


It's a whole different ball game to have a HUMAN BEING die on your behalf. And I mean a whole different ball game! And not only was Jesus Christ a human being, he was the only perfect human being; he was "God eternal" and yet he was "humbled to the grave" (Behold Our God) in my place, for my sin. A perfect HUMAN BEING had to die on a gruesome cross if I was going to escape God's wrath for my sin. And a perfect HUMAN BEING actually chose to die on a gruesome cross so that I could escape God's wrath for my sin, and have life eternal. 
Amazing love! How can it be that you, my God, should die for me?


For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. (Romans 5:6-11)
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"He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed." (1 Peter 2:22-24)


Thank you, Jesus, for living a life so perfect that you didn't even open your mouth against those who wrongly accused and convicted you, and for living that perfect life in the place of me, one who is so quick to anger against those who wrongly treat me. 


Thank you, Jesus, for not only bearing my daily burdens, but for bearing the lifetime's worth of my sin, for being wounded and dying the cruel death I deserved, suffering the wrath of God against all my wrongs in my place.


Thank you, Jesus, for doing these things so that I might be free from the chains of sin and death, and have power to live a life pleasing to God. And thank you that even when I stumble in sin, your perfect life covers me, so that God sees me as pleasing.


Thank you, Jesus, for humbling yourself to become a HUMAN BEING, so that you could take my place on the cross.


This is mercy - completely undeserved, and yet, very free.

Do you know this Jesus?