A note to male readers: Yes, this post is aimed at my fellow women. No, it will not be graphic, but be forewarned that I am dealing with a women's issue. You're welcome to read and maybe gain a little insight into your wife and/or other significant women in your life, and for that matter, you may find something helpful for your own emotional issues, but I take no responsibility if you feel at all uncomfortable :) That said...
Have you ever had your hormones sneak up behind you, grab you in a headlock, then release you only to dropkick you to the ground, leaving you wailing on the floor before you realize what has happened to you?
Okay, so some of you are thinking I'm exaggerating just a bit. Others of you are nodding your head in sympathetic understanding. And there may be a few of you who are right in the grip of those hormonal emotions, and just hearing that makes you tear up again for reasons you can't explain :) At some points in my own life, I've been barely aware of any difference in my attitudes or emotions when it's "that time of the month" (though I'm sure others around me have seen a change!) Pregnancy did odd things to me - I'd have the typical mood swings in the first trimester, but by the third, I flatlined and had no emotions at all (and let me tell you, that's no more fun!). But especially since our youngest daughter was born, the effect of hormonal changes on my emotions each month has been more extreme. I don't know if it's growing older, or being busier or more tired, or a combination of a bunch of things, but for the past 2 years, it's become very important for me to learn how to deal with myself when the hormones kick in.
We can't always change what our hormones do to us, but we can learn to control the emotions that stem from them. And thankfully, God has not only commanded us to have self-control and to treat others in love at all times, but He's also given us the means to grow in these graces. Just for starters, for the majority of us, hormonal changes are predictable. That is a GIFT. If you find out you are pregnant, you don't have to wonder if the next 9 months are going to have an effect on your emotions--they will! If you've just had a baby, you can be certain that at least for a few weeks, it's going to be harder to control your emotions than in other seasons. I have no experience with menopause yet, but I do know that it's to be expected that the hormonal changes of pre-menopause will mess with your emotions. And for the vast majority of us, our monthly cycles are just that--monthly. Most of us can know ahead of time at least approximately which days of this month are going to be particularly difficult emotionally. Don't take that for granted! God has chosen to make this aspect of our lives fairly predictable, and we are to use that to our advantage to help us fight those mood swings. So it's worthwhile to keep track of your cycles and stage of life so you know when to expect the fight!
But once you do that, what do you do when those days come? I'm learning to be both proactive and reactive:
1) Be Proactive: If I know it's only a matter of days until my period, I also know that my mood is about to dip. So going into the fight for control of my emotions, I don't just need to stock up on feminine supplies; I also need to fasten that belt of truth around my waist, put on the breastplate of righteousness, be ready with the shoes of the gospel of peace, grab that shield of faith and be in the Word and in prayer as much as possible. At a time when we may be tempted to sleep in a little extra or veg out in front of the TV, we need instead to protect ourselves from emotional onslaughts by spending extra time meditating on the gospel and praying diligently for the help of the Holy Spirit. Self-control is part of the fruit of the Spirit, so we desperately need His help and grace if we are to have it. Even if we feel okay when we first wake up, we need to start each new day by acknowledging that the fight is on, that it is going to be hard, and that we need God's grace if we are to have any victory. Plead for God's mercy; He loves to pour it out on His daughters who know their need and humbly ask!
2) Be Reactive: No, I'm not talking about yelling angrily at anyone who offends you, or bursting into tears at the slightest inconvenience. I'm talking about reacting to yourself. If we are to control our emotions, we must learn to catch ourselves when we begin to react to other people or circumstances, and instead, to start talking to ourselves. We need to remind ourselves that hormonal changes cloud our visions and tempt us to blow things out of proportion. We need to remind ourselves that we are in the midst of a season where our emotions are not "normal", and ask ourselves to consider that what is happening may not be as terrible as we currently perceive it. We need to preach the gospel to ourselves. And that's not just saying, "Oh, Jesus died for my sins!" The gospel is the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. Duing his life, Jesus had struggles with emotions, too. He took on human flesh and lived for 33 years, which means that he underwent the hormonal changes of puberty. He certainly was tired and hungry at times, other things that contribute to a fragile emotional state. He was tempted, just as we are, to give in to anger and self-pity and despair. And that means that he understands. He has sympathy for his sisters (and brothers) who fight these temptations. But he also didn't give in to the temptation to react sinfully to his physical, very human limitations. And because he didn't give in, it also means that when we fail to keep our emotions in check, we must remind ourselves that his death on our behalf was sufficient to pay for all those times that we don't maintain perfect self-control, and that his life of perfect self-control has been credited to our record! And, because he was raised, we also will one day be raised with him in bodies that will no longer fight sin because of hormonal changes. The day is coming when every day of every month for all eternity will be full of perfect relationships, characterized only by joy and love and generous service! Hold out these truths to yourselves, sisters, and rejoice in the weakness of your physical body, through which God's strength in us is perfected!
Recently, it so happened that my cycle and a busy week lined up together to create the perfect storm. One particular very rainy day of that week, I was out running errands with the kids for way too long (if at all possible, avoid those kinds of stresses when you're dealing with PMS), and at the very end, we had an incident in which one of the kids almost got hit by a car in the parking lot. Thankfully, God protected us, but it shook us up, and after I got all the kids safely loaded into our van and climbed back into the driver's seat, I had that feeling like when you're in an elevator going down at a somewhat uncomfortable speed. I could feel my emotions begin to hurl toward the abyss. I suddenly wanted to be done with the day, to be done with motherhood, to go hole up in a backwoods cottage by myself and cease to deal with the world. But God was gracious to bring to mind the truths I'd sought to soak myself in that morning. He was gracious to help me talk sense and truth to myself, recognize lies and unbelief in my line of thought, and ask His forgiveness where I had sinned in my responses. He was also gracious to give me a husband who insisted that I take a few hours to spend by myself, away from the demands of running the household, while he looked after the kids (to any men still reading: this is a great gift to give to your wife!). It's a war, and I don't win every battle (ask Nathan!). But by being proactive about seeking God's help, and by reacting to myself with truth and grace, I am slowly learning to control those hormonal emotions and stay away from their sneak attacks.
So how about a little conversation here! How do you keep your emotions in check? Is there anything you've found particularly helpful?
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