"You have such a quiet and gentle spirit! I wish it came that naturally to me!"
I can't tell you how many times I've heard that statement, or something like it, in some small group discussion of I Peter 3. And there was a time when I believed it myself. But there came a point, several years back, when I realized that actually, I only have a quiet and gentle exterior. The frequent state of my inner spirit tells an entirely different story.
We have come to accept certain ideas about different personalities, often based on what we observe from the outside, or on what others observe from the outside and tell us about ourselves. Introverts are good listeners, studious, insightful, good writers, hate public speaking, love to serve in the background, but hate change. Extroverts love people, get a rush out of performing in front of a large crowd, make great evangelists, always know what to say, will talk to any stranger without fear, and are up for any adventure at a moment's notice.
Really?
I'm sure there are some people who fit these stereotypes to a T. But I'm not one of them, and neither is my extroverted husband, nor, to tell the truth, anyone else I know personally. Unfortunately, though, we often view ourselves (and others) according to these respective lists, and fail to see areas both of needed growth, and of unexpected strength.
Take listening, for example. I fall into a pretty classic introvert form: quiet (unless I'm with my sisters), studious, shake when I have to talk to a large group, love time alone with a good book. So I must be a good listener, because all introverts are, right? Also, plenty of people have told me that I am, so there's further confirmation. But what is this observation based on? That my mouth stays shut while others are talking? That I nod my head in the right places? Even that I might have a good observation to make at the end? These things may all be true, but if you could see what is often really going on in my head when I'm "listening", it's not so flattering. I can be perfectly quiet, nodding my head in time... and halfway to another galaxy. Or I might be quietly analyzing your first sentence and trying to figure out how to respond, missing pretty much everything else in the course of my analysis. And then there are the times that I hear every word, but just don't like what you say, and won't plan on taking it into account when I have to make that decision. Good listener, eh?
Or take that passage in I Peter 3. It's true that I'm quiet and usually gentle on the outside. But a quiet and gentle spirit is one that does not fear anything that is frightening, that submits peacefully to God's authority and providence. And far too often, beneath my quiet exterior roll waves of anxiety, stress, distraction, frustration and discontentment! No, truth be told, I have a lot of growing to do in listening and heart-quieting!
On the upside though, despite the fact that I'm supposed to love peace and quiet and a little nook away from people, I've discovered that I really love being around people, meeting new people (though I may feel awkward doing it), and taking big risks, as long as I get to take them with others I love. Maybe since I'm an introvert, I should hate living in a condo community with 5,000 of my closest friends, but in reality, I love living here, and find all the people energizing.
I'm not just picking on the introvert stereotype, either. Extroverts have their own hidden struggles and strengths. Just because you like to be around people and talk to them doesn't mean that talking boldly about the gospel with others is second-nature to you. In fact, if you derive energy from pleasant, affirming social interactions, evangelism for you may well require the same amount of effort and Spirit-given power that an introvert needs for the same task. You may love to be around people, but have a very hard time actually LOVING them. Public speaking may still give you butterflies. But on the other hand, just because you are extroverted doesn't mean you can't be skilled at really listening to people and giving them wise counsel. You can be an extroverted prayer warrior, or an extrovert who thinks very deeply about God's word (or both!).
The simple fact is that God has made us much more than binary creatures, either-ors who function in a black and white world with predictable everything. To begin with, we are all sinful, and manage to fight God's standards even in places where, in theory, we should be the most agreeable. Then, we have complicated mental processes, backgrounds, experiences and personality conglomerations that keep us from matching the stereotype and cause us to make decisions and react to things in ways that make sense only to ourselves (if that!). But it's also true that the God who created amazing galaxies yet unknown to us, an insect world that where new species are still being discovered regularly, and natural mechanisms even the most brilliant scientists have yet to reduce to a simple equation is the God who creates human beings in his own image--not exactly mundane or dichromatic--and calls us each to reflect his glorious diversity in our own unique way as we work together with other unique individuals to form the body of Christ.
It takes humility to admit that an extrovert might be able to teach me how to listen. It may not be easy for an extrovert to go to a godly introvert for encouragement in evangelism. But I don't just want to be a classic introvert. I want to be like Jesus. And that takes consistent growth in ALL areas of my life, the encouragement and admonishment of even the most "unlikely" people, and the eye-opening grace of the Holy Spirit to see my sin for what it is--"positive" exterior actions aside--and to see areas where I've been given strengths outside my "profile" that I can use to build up the body of Christ.
Where are you missing your sin or God's grace in your life because of a label you've been given?
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