A Mother's Contentment
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you..." (1 Peter 5:6)
I've been sick for the past week and a half, and that means that not only have I felt physically unwell, but the mess in the house has grown, the ironing pile is quickly becoming insurmountable, our diet has been a little less healthy, the kids have been in front of the TV a lot more than usual, and my overall mood has been... well, let's just say I haven't been a continual picture of joy and contentment. In fact, even when I'm not sick, and things at home are a little more under control, I am very quick to complain about the small discomforts of life (whether I do it out loud, or more usually, just in the secret of my own heart).
Of any area that Peter discusses in 1 Peter 5, contentment is the one I struggle with most. And yet, it is a key component of joyfully bearing up under the trials of motherhood. It is a key component of glorifying God in the midst of difficulty before a watching world. Peter tells us to humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God, to submit ourselves humbly to His rule. And a big part of our submission to God's will for our lives is to accept His sovereign plan for every moment of our days with contentment, even when His will for us at any given moment or season is hard. If God knows what is ultimately good for my soul (and He does! -Psalm 84:11) and always does what is good for my soul (and He does! -Romans 8:28), then who am I, mere mortal who can't see any farther ahead than the present moment, to complain and revolt against His good plan for me?
Several years ago, our family was encountering some rather large trials, including the loss of my husband's job due to a serious injury, and I was having trouble joyfully submitting to God's gracious (but very hard) plan for our lives. It was at that time that I read through the excellent book The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs, a wise Puritan preacher. This little book has been the most helpful source on godly contentment I have ever come across, and if you haven't read it (or haven't read it recently) and are struggling with being content in your circumstances, it is a MUST read. It was through reading this book that I began to find victory in being content in the major trials that we have encountered since that time.
But I still struggle to be content in the small trials of daily life. I struggle to be content when someone in the house is sick, or when a kid wets the bed the night after I got ALL the laundry caught up, or when two kids are at each others' throats, or when the cost of food goes up, or when our one tiny bathroom is occupied by a slow child... again. I don't want to submit to God's plan for me in those moments... I want to whine, to immerse myself in the "if onlys", to raise my fist to heaven and say, "I know better!"
Burroughs defines Christian contentment as "that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which freely submits to and delights in God's wise and fatherly disposal in every condition." And if we have that, no trial is too big or too small to joyfully persevere through!
But how do we get that? Well, Burroughs wrote a whole book on it! But here are a few helpful counsels:
1) Remember God's mercies! If we are constantly fixing our minds on what is good and excellent and praiseworthy (Phil. 4:8,9), there is no room for complaining. If you are struggling to be content, make a list of God's mercies in that circumstance (and in general, too). You are bound to come up with several, because we serve a merciful God! And write them down, so you can come back to them again and again when you're having trouble remembering. This has been an enormously helpful exercise for me in big trials, and I want to start doing it more in small trials, too.
2) Remember God's discipline! If you are in Christ, you are God's child! And God's discipline of us through circumstances is proof that we are His! God disciplines those He loves, because He wants us to become more like Christ, and just as any wise parent knows, children don't grow in maturity unless they are disciplined out of their immaturity and sin. So see this circumstance as an opportunity to submit to God's discipline, so that it will in time yield the peaceful fruit of righteousness (Heb. 12:11). And be thankful that He loves you enough to discipline you!
3) Remember what you really deserve! Our sin condemns us to hell... that is what we deserve. But God has sent his precious son Jesus to die on a cross and take all the punishment for our sins so that we can be children of Holy God, have power to overcome sin in the flesh, and have eternal life. So anything short of hell that we are given is God's mercy to us (see #1). How can we complain about a laundry pile or a broken toilet or whiny children when we have already been given Christ?!
4) Remember what is important! The momentary trials of this life are passing away. Our hope is in the weight of eternal glory that is being prepared for us (2 Cor. 4). How much housework you get done on a given day, whether you are able to afford that new gadget that would really make your life easier, whether you ever own your own home or are perpetual renters, whether the baby is way overdue, or won't sleep through the night on schedule, whether the new book gets torn or the new toy breaks, or the dog (or toddler) uses your carpet as a bathroom... these things will not really matter at the end of this life. So they do not really matter now. What will really matter in the end is whether we've submitted to God's rule for our lives and sought to live faithfully in whatever he has called us to. And what will matter even more than that is that Jesus has already lived a righteous, joyful, faithful life in our place, and we stand before God wearing that righteousness!
5) Remember to pray! Humbly bring your complaints to God in prayer! I'll address this more thoroughly in Part 4, but suffice it to say that the contented heart is not in opposition to the heart that cries out to God with prayers and supplications. Being content does not mean we just grin and bear it. It doesn't mean we don't ask for help (see Part 2) or that we don't take practical steps to change circumstances under our control. But it does mean that rather than complaining to ourselves or others, we run to our Heavenly Father and pour out our burdened heart before Him. We bring our petitions with thanksgiving for God's mercies, but we also plead with Him for new mercies to persevere and grow and have joy in today's trials. The Psalms are full of these kinds of prayers, so if you don't know what to say, pray the Psalms.
6) Remember our Brother who understands our weakness! The book of Hebrews tell us that Jesus has been tempted in every way, just as we are. He understands our trials! He understands our pain! He's been tempted to discontentment! We don't serve a high priest who can't really sympathize with us... he's been in our shoes! The God who calls us to contentment has Himself, in His humanity in Christ, been tempted to discontentment! There's a lot of comfort there! But He was without sin! He didn't give in! And the same power that works in Him is now working in you by His Spirit, that you might fight temptation and live in contentment!
6) Remember to sing! Listen to music that lifts your soul to Christ! If I am having trouble being content, I am always helped by putting on some gospel-centred music and singing along. It helps remind me of God's truth, and it's easy to listen to music while I do the housework or play with the kids. And singing God's praises is also an excellent way to lift your soul out of discontentment. (Psalm 66, among others)
7) Remember what is coming! The end of 1 Peter 5:6 says that "at the proper time he may exalt you." Our hope in any trial is that exaltation and glory are coming! Even if they never come in this life in any very tangible way, they are certainly coming to us on that day when Christ returns. So whether we see exaltation now, or on that day, we have a sure hope that one day we will have no more pain, no more sin, no more tempting circumstances, and God will wipe the tears from every eye! (Rev. 21:4) Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!
Being content does not mean that we ignore the trials of life, that we pretend they aren't hard, even excruciating, that we put on that happy face and wander through life in a daze of denial. But it does mean that we're striving to remember God's tender mercies, to bring our complaints to him in humble prayer, and to be thankful for all his goodness to us, even in the midst of, even through, trial.
I thought it would be helpful for me, and maybe for you, too, if I spend the rest of the week posting quotes and/or verses related to contentment. I need the reminder!
And now to tackle that ironing pile!
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