Limited: It's What He Became

My last post was supposed to be Part One, and this was supposed to post shortly thereafter. But due to some limitations, it's now going on two weeks since my first post. This one doesn't require reading the other, but if you'd like to read Part One, it is here.
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I don't know about you, but I'm not usually a big fan of my limitations. If it were up to me, I think I'd gladly trade the need to eat and sleep for the chance to complete 10 lifetimes of work in one (just the need though... I'd take the occasional nap and have gourmet meals just for fun).  I'd top up my IQ, get the most education possible, and have an unlimited cash flow. Heat wouldn't slow me down and cold wouldn't keep me indoors. Yep, if I could order things "my way", I'd do away with the limitations that keep me from accomplishing the things I want. And of course, it would all be in the interest of mankind in general, right? I mean, some of my ambitions are pretty noble. Well, okay, having things easy wouldn't be too bad for me either.

Of course, there's only one who is not limited, only one who can actually do everything he plans, only one who has the infinite power and goodness to do what is truly best for mankind and the world at large, and that is God. 

That's why I find it pretty shocking to think that God actually made a choice to take on limitations, to live on this earth for 33 years in a human body. He didn't have to; he chose to be limited. The God who is present everywhere came to us as a newborn infant, weighing a mere few kilograms, completely helpless and totally dependent on his mother to provide milk, clean cloths and a warm, dry spot to sleep. The God who knows all things had to learn that those funny wiggling things in front of his face were actually his own fingers. The God whose hands supply the food for all living creatures was himself hungry. The God who created trees and clay and stone had no permanent home in which to lay his weary head. The God who is eternal experienced death on a cross.

Why? Why would anyone, let alone God, choose to take on those very limitations that I so often despise?Because in order for us limited people to be saved out of limitless rebellion, he had to become like us. In order to put himself in our place as a perfect sacrifice for sins, he had to first put himself in our place as a human, and humans are limited.

"Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery.  For surely it is not angels that he helps, but he helps the offspring of Abraham.  Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted." (Hebrews 2:14-18)

The glorious thing about all this is not only that I have a God who became limited for a time in order to free me from death into limitless life (though that were enough!), but I also have a God who understands experiencially what it is to be limited. He doesn't shake his head at my desperate need for sleep in the midst of the legitimate needs of my kids; he's had to go way to rest at times when people were clamouring for healing. He doesn't condemn me when my intellectual limitations just don't allow me to grasp the solution to a problem; he had to spend time learning to tie a sandal and read a book. When I really want to serve in 10 different ministries but am not physically able to be in all those places at the same time, he doesn't look at me and say, "Boy, she sure needs to grow in service!" (though I do). He also had to turn down opportunities because he needed to be somewhere else.

And this encourages me to be faithful in what I can do, by the grace of God, rather than just be frustrated with what I can't (Hebrews 3:1-6, 4:14-16). This encourages me to rest in Christ's perfect record of work rather than putting my self-worth in 10 lifetimes worth of unceasing, unlimited labour (Hebrews 4).

He chose to become limited so that I don't need to be limitless!

Limited: It's What We Are

Have you ever had plans to accomplish something, fully convinced it was a manageable workload, set yourself to work... and unexpectedly come straight up against the sheer wall of human limitations? If you've been human for long, it's probably happened to you at least once! Maybe it was a new job that you felt well-qualified for until you really got into it and realized exactly what it was going to require. Maybe it was a reasonable deadline that you were somehow still rushing, and perhaps failing, to meet at the final wire. Perhaps a party you were excited to plan until a week of the flu took you down. Or maybe it is just the 5-minute job of sweeping the kitchen floor that succumbs to your body's desperate cry for sleep.

Last week was one of those weeks when I found myself against that frustrating wall--more than once (and hence, no blog post). Lots to do but limited time. Lots of people to be around, but limited social energy. And even early in the week when I did feel like I had both time and energy for the things I wanted to do, I was limited by flooding and power outages. More than once, I fell into bed exhausted, still thinking about the 2 or 3 other things I really "should have been able to fit in."

My frustration brought to mind a line from a song by Trip Lee:

You may be thinking you're a beast, but believe me,
You still gotta sleep in the evening,
Gotta eat, need heat when it's freezing.

Yes, I like a little hip hop from time to time. And I frequently need to re-listen to that particular song (Limitations--if you have rdio, you can hear it here), because when it comes to filling my to-do list plate, my eyes are often bigger than my stomach. Sometimes it is pride: "Sure I can pull that off! Who couldn't?" Too often, my self-image is warped; I see myself as a beast, able to haul all kinds of loads and bear all kinds of burdens without breaking a sweat, and far too often, I'm actually surprised to discover that I don't hold up. Sometimes, especially lately, it's ignorance, being unaware of what's really realistic in the face of new circumstances. Since Nathan had his surgery 2 months ago, I've had to take on some tasks that used to be his, and I'm still adjusting to the new requirements. For example, I used to run errands once or at most twice a week, and he would run all the little ones in between on his way home from work. Now I run almost all of them, and for a homebody like me, that's a real energy sapper, and affects what else I'm good for on a given day. But I'm still learning to take that into account. And of course, sometimes it's a mixture of pride and ignorance that's very difficult to pull apart...

So many things we wanna get our hands on,
So many heights we wanna reach that we planned on,
And we was thinking that we just missed our chance, homes,
But ain't reaching long enough no matter what we stand on.

The point of the song and, I suppose, of this post, is that we are created as limited, finite beings, and we need to humbly accept this. But we are also created by the limitless, infinite God of wonders:

He has no hunger; never does he sleep or he slumber.
He's never limited; no enemies can ever come up with a victory;
He's got the 1-UP; he runs us.

I need to remember that I'm a human being with limitations; I can't do it all! But I also need to remember that I'm under the care of the all-powerful, never-failing God who always brings his purposes to completion, even on those days when I hit that wall.

Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He does not faint or grow weary;

his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,

and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;

they shall run and not be weary;

they shall walk and not faint.

(Isaiah 40:28-31)

I've got a couple more thoughts, but due to the limits of time and space, they'll wait for another day.

Deceived By My Personality Profile?

"You have such a quiet and gentle spirit! I wish it came that naturally to me!"

I can't tell you how many times I've heard that statement, or something like it, in some small group discussion of I Peter 3. And there was a time when I believed it myself. But there came a point, several years back, when I realized that actually, I only have a quiet and gentle exterior. The frequent state of my inner spirit tells an entirely different story.

We have come to accept certain ideas about different personalities, often based on what we observe from the outside, or on what others observe from the outside and tell us about ourselves. Introverts are good listeners, studious, insightful, good writers, hate public speaking, love to serve in the background, but hate change. Extroverts love people, get a rush out of performing in front of a large crowd, make great evangelists, always know what to say, will talk to any stranger without fear, and are up for any adventure at a moment's notice.

Really?

I'm sure there are some people who fit these stereotypes to a T. But I'm not one of them, and neither is my extroverted husband, nor, to tell the truth, anyone else I know personally. Unfortunately, though, we often view ourselves (and others) according to these respective lists, and fail to see areas both of needed growth, and of unexpected strength.

Take listening, for example. I fall into a pretty classic introvert form: quiet (unless I'm with my sisters), studious, shake when I have to talk to a large group, love time alone with a good book. So I must be a good listener, because all introverts are, right? Also, plenty of people have told me that I am, so there's further confirmation. But what is this observation based on? That my mouth stays shut while others are talking? That I nod my head in the right places? Even that I might have a good observation to make at the end? These things may all be true, but if you could see what is often really going on in my head when I'm "listening", it's not so flattering. I can be perfectly quiet, nodding my head in time... and halfway to another galaxy. Or I might be quietly analyzing your first sentence and trying to figure out how to respond, missing pretty much everything else in the course of my analysis. And then there are the times that I hear every word, but just don't like what you say, and won't plan on taking it into account when I have to make that decision. Good listener, eh?

Or take that passage in I Peter 3. It's true that I'm quiet and usually gentle on the outside. But a quiet and gentle spirit is one that does not fear anything that is frightening, that submits peacefully to God's authority and providence. And far too often, beneath my quiet exterior roll waves of anxiety, stress, distraction, frustration and discontentment! No, truth be told, I have a lot of growing to do in listening and heart-quieting!

On the upside though, despite the fact that I'm supposed to love peace and quiet and a little nook away from people, I've discovered that I really love being around people, meeting new people (though I may feel awkward doing it), and taking big risks, as long as I get to take them with others I love. Maybe since I'm an introvert, I should hate living in a condo community with 5,000 of my closest friends, but in reality, I love living here, and find all the people energizing.

I'm not just picking on the introvert stereotype, either. Extroverts have their own hidden struggles and strengths. Just because you like to be around people and talk to them doesn't mean that talking boldly about the gospel with others is second-nature to you. In fact, if you derive energy from pleasant, affirming social interactions, evangelism for you may well require the same amount of effort and Spirit-given power that an introvert needs for the same task. You may love to be around people, but have a very hard time actually LOVING them. Public speaking may still give you butterflies. But on the other hand, just because you are extroverted doesn't mean you can't be skilled at really listening to people and giving them wise counsel. You can be an extroverted prayer warrior, or an extrovert who thinks very deeply about God's word (or both!).

The simple fact is that God has made us much more than binary creatures, either-ors who function in a black and white world with predictable everything. To begin with, we are all sinful, and manage to fight God's standards even in places where, in theory, we should be the most agreeable. Then, we have complicated mental processes, backgrounds, experiences and personality conglomerations that keep us from matching the stereotype and cause us to make decisions and react to things in ways that make sense only to ourselves (if that!). But it's also true that the God who created amazing galaxies yet unknown to us, an insect world that where new species are still being discovered regularly, and natural mechanisms even the most brilliant scientists have yet to reduce to a simple equation is the God who creates human beings in his own image--not exactly mundane or dichromatic--and calls us each to reflect his glorious diversity in our own unique way as we work together with other unique individuals to form the body of Christ.

It takes humility to admit that an extrovert might be able to teach me how to listen. It may not be easy for an extrovert to go to a godly introvert for encouragement in evangelism. But I don't just want to be a classic introvert. I want to be like Jesus. And that takes consistent growth in ALL areas of my life, the encouragement and admonishment of even the most "unlikely" people, and the eye-opening grace of the Holy Spirit to see my sin for what it is--"positive" exterior actions aside--and to see areas where I've been given strengths outside my "profile" that I can use to build up the body of Christ.

Where are you missing your sin or God's grace in your life because of a label you've been given?

Room For All

"The evangelical culture ties together faithfulness with extroversion. The emphasis is on community, on participating in more and more programs and events, on meeting more and more people. It's a constant tension for many introverts that they're not living that out. And in a religious world, there's more at stake when you feel that tension. It doesn't feel like 'I'm not doing as well as I'd like.' It feels like 'God isn't pleased with me.'"

- Adam McHugh (1), as quoted in Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

Is there room in the church for introverts? This is one of the questions Susan Cain asks in her fascinating--and fairly helpful--book Quiet. (She's not just picking on the church--she asks the same about the business and education worlds.) Cain writes about the difficulty fitting in and flourishing that introverts may find in all the community- and interaction-oriented activities in the typical evangelical church and concludes that we have "taken the Extrovert Ideal to its logical extreme... If you don't love Jesus out loud, then it must not be real love. It's not enough to forge your own spiritual connection to the divine; it must be displayed publicly. Is it any wonder that introverts... start to question their own hearts?" (emphasis hers).

So, is there room in the church for introverts? Yes, yes, and yes again for good measure! It is true that some things done in church services and meetings make introverts feel uncomfortable (a common example is the "greet your neighbour" moment). And yes, some of these things may be done with little thought given to how introverts, or new people, or people with disabilities or others might react. But the simple fact of the matter is that there are many parts of being a Christian that are biblically commanded that make introverts feel uncomfortable. Show hospitality to strangers; do not neglect the assembly of believers; we believe and so we also speak; be very bold...  Does that mean God loves extroverts more? By no means! There are plenty of biblical commandments that introverts may find more simple, while the extrovert sitting next to them is squirming(2): be slow to speak (and quick to hear, though McHugh has written a good post on the stereotype of introverts as good listeners and extroverts as poor ones), let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only what is useful for building others up, pray, meditate on God's word day and night... And then there are those that are hard for all of us, like "bless those who persecute you".

The truth is that God's standards are not all easy for anyone to follow, whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, a child or an adult, a man or a woman, rural or urban, Chinese, German, Canadian or Rwandan. There are parts of God's character that some of us find easier to follow than others, but each of us will come across points that make us uncomfortable, that require serious effort. In fact, we will all encounter areas in following Jesus that require nothing less than the power of God's spirit working through us to accomplish, our own personal offering being nothing but weakness and insufficiency!

That is how I have sometimes felt about participating in church gatherings. Some days that's hard for me--I feel the nagging temptation to stay home and be quiet. And yes, there's a good time and a place for quiet, for sure. But one of the defining characteristics of a follower of Jesus is that he is no longer his own, no longer independent. God makes him a member of Jesus' body, to work together with other Christians as members of the same body. That's pretty intense and intimate imagery for an introvert! That's getting into my space just a little more than I'd like! And that's why I need God's grace to live this way, just like the stereotypical extrovert needs God's grace to sit still and meditate on God's Word for a while, even though friends are calling on her to come be social.

Furthermore, whether it is "comfortable" or not, loving Jesus out loud is part of truly loving Jesus. James says that faith without works is dead, and the Bible is full of exhortations to speak God's truth and declare God's praise. If no one else on the planet ever sees you act or speak in a way that demonstrates love for Jesus, you should question your heart, just as you might be questioned on your love for your spouse if you never did or said anything public to show it. However, "public faith" doesn't mean you have to be standing up on the pew, shouting for all the world to hear. Yes, it might make you uncomfortable nonetheless. But Christianity isn't about being comfortable--not in this life anyway. We worship a crucified Jesus and he was NOT comfortable on that cross! But he went there so we didn't have to take the punishment for all the times we are too afraid to love Jesus out loud, for all the times we don't pray, don't invite that lonely person over when we feel the Spirit nudging us, don't shut up and really listen. And he gives us his spirit so that we can have grace and power to live like he did, even when it doesn't suit our personality profile or our dreams.

I know for a fact that there are aspects of Christianity that make plenty of extroverts feel like God isn't pleased with them, like they're not living up to His standards. But the point is that none of us can meet them all. That's why we need Jesus--because we are weak, imperfect people who can't do it on our own. (In fact, the only people Jesus said he didn't come for were the self-righteous, who think they can please God in their own strength.) As my husband likes to say, we don't need a crutch; we need a stretcher! It's also why we need the church--we need the strength of our brothers and sisters to help our weaknesses and they need us for the same reason.

And this is where God gets the glory: when he takes weak, sinful, needy people, gives them Jesus' record of perfection--whereby we also gain his eternal pleasure and affirmation--and puts all our different personalities, giftings, backgrounds and, yes, weaknesses together in one body called the Church, and then shows the power of his Spirit when he works through these same people to transform the world. It's not about me and my temperament needs. It's about him and his glory. So come in, all you introverts! Join us, all you extroverts! Follow Jesus, all you men, women, boys and girls! And bring them in from the four corners of the earth!

"Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free [introvert, extrovert]; but Christ is all, and in all." (Colossians 3:11)


A couple questions to consider:
-Are there things we do in our churches that unnecessarily cause certain kinds of people discomfort? Is there a more accommodating way we could accomplish the same goal? Are we showing appreciation for the quieter servants among us?

-Are there things that God has asked us to do that I am avoiding because it doesn't suit my "natural inclinations" or temperament?

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Notes:
1) As described by Cain, I think Adam McHugh comes across as fairly negative toward the Church and its expectations of introverts. However, in his own personal writings, he is much more balanced, and offers both critique of the church's dealings with introverts AND honest, helpful encouragement to introverts who need to grow in the way they function in the church community.

2) The whole discussion of introverts and extroverts is unfortunately based largely on stereotypes. I'd like to explore this a little more in another post, but for the time being, when I use the terms "introvert" and "extrovert", I'm using them according to standard (western) cultural usage. You may or may not fit the stereotype.

Attaining the Unattainable

We live in a world of ideals, many of them conflicting. Our culture prizes the ideal of "being true to myself" (if I can only figure out who I am!), while at the same time setting forth ideals of what great people look like, talk like and find interesting. I've read this week (yes, we're settled in enough that I've actually done some reading!) about the modern "Extrovert Ideal", which prefers charisma, a polished public persona and enthusiastic, engaging speaking abilities above quiet reflection, backstage service, awkward genius and an unassuming personality. I've also read about idealistic body image advertising, and how companies not only blur out celluloid and wrinkles, but slim and reproportion models into a computer generated image that fits with--and entrenches--our cultural ideals of beauty. I could list several more examples, but we also live in a culture that prizes brevity, so I will refrain.

The problem with these ideals is that they are often unattainable to the average human. Who I want to be depends far too often on who I think others think I should be, which I can never fully figure out. I can do my best to polish my speech and be out there, chatting it up with strangers, but my God-given personality is far more suited to quiet (or not so quiet) interaction with small groups of familiar people, and that's my natural gravitation. And I will never be 5'11" and 100 lbs with perfect skin and curves in all the "right" places, no matter how hard I try. In fact, the desperate struggle to reach these ideals (and others) has caused many people--myself included--confusion, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and a generally unhealthy and low view of self and others.

The good news is that the Bible doesn't prize any of these ideals. It says I'm made in God's image (!), and that is who I should be. It holds up as heroes of the faith not only loud passionate people like Peter, but also those who "pondered these things in [their hearts]". It says it's the meek who will inherit the earth. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain"; it's the woman who fears the Lord who is to be praised. (And, might I add, there is no brevity in Psalm 119's exposition of the beauty of the Law!) What freedom there is in God's Word from the slavish drive to follow cultural ideals of personality, beauty, wealth and success!

But there's some bad news, too. The Bible also has an ideal that it holds up. And it's God's ideal, so it's the one we should listen to. AND it's even more unattainable than any ideal we could ever dream up. God's ideal is perfection in all areas of our life, for every single moment of every hour of all the years of our life! The Bible says I'm made in God's image, and that is who I should be (!). It says, "Be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect." It says I'm not ever to hold anything dearer than God himself, even when a cool new piece of technology comes out or a great new friend comes along. It says I'm to love my neighbour as much as I love myself (and boy, is that ever a lot!), even when she hates me and continually voices her negative opinion of my house, my kids, my job, my faith or whatever. It says I'm to live a life of continual prayer, thankfulness, contentment and praise, never wavering in my faith in God's righteousness, even when life circumstances are painful and incomprehensible. It also says that one small departure from this standard is enough to disqualify me for life! And yet, if I haven't already figured it out for myself, this same Word also proclaims that I cannot possibly keep this standard because "there is no one righteous, no not one," and, "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." If I wasn't depressed by vainly trying to attain a charismatic personality with a stunning body and succinct speech, all the while holding firmly to a non-conformist value of just being myself, surely this impossible demand for perfection in all things is enough to send me over the edge!

And that is why, when I think about impossible requirements, I'm so thankful that there's more good news! We can't attain this unattainable standard. But someone did. And what's more, that someone did it not just for his own benefit, but for ours as well. That someone is Jesus, and he lived a life of complete perfection, following God's standards to the smallest point. And then he gave up this perfect life, taking the mockery and hatred of other humans and the wrath of God we deserved, and clothed us in his righteousness, giving us his perfect record of obedience. And even now he stands in heaven, interceding on our behalf, holding up his perfect record before God the Father and proclaiming that it belongs to us, so that in God's eyes, through Jesus, we actually attain the unattainable!

The Bible proclaims that God takes dirty, sinful, awkward, socially maligned individuals and sings over them, loving them and adopting them into His own family, fully accepting them on the basis of His Son's perfection. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh,could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. (Romans 8:1-4)

We may be ordinary, quiet, fat, short, balding, poor. We may have spider veins and crooked teeth and hate public speaking with a vengeance. We may feel like our earthly existence is acknowledged by no one, or like we're unusually loud or too long-winded, or too this, that and the other thing. And we are most definitely sinful, falling far short of God's requirements--the only requirements that really matter in the end. But if we are trusting in Jesus' work on our behalf, even while we still have far to grow in living according to God's standards in this life, we are misfits no longer. We belong fully to God, who grants and credits to us the perfect satisfaction, righteousness and holiness of Christ, as if we had never sinned nor been sinners, as if we had been as perfectly obedient as Christ was obedient for us. All we need to do is to accept this gift of God with a believing heart (Heidelberg Catechism, Question 60). And that's good news in a world of unattainable ideals!