Superwoman Falls From The Sky

"Can we build it? Yes, we can!"
"We did it! We did it! We did it! Yay!"
Soundtrack of my life as a mother--in more ways than one.

Not only do kids' TV shows spout the "I can do anything I put my mind to" mantra. It's what I tell myself... all the time. For that matter, it's what I often hear about myself from others. And maybe it's your constant refrain, too. It's a wonderfully confidence-inspiring idea... If only it were true! Of course, if you've ever tried something like keeping your house perfectly tidy while several children inhabit it, you know that, well, just putting your mind to something doesn't always make it so!

But what about things that are actually possible for a human being? Indeed--and here is where I often struggle--what about areas where you are actually gifted, where you've excelled, or where you at least feel pretty capable? Sometimes--or if I'm honest, most of the time--I like to think that if I CAN do it, I SHOULD do it. It's kind of nice to be Superwoman, wind in my face as I jet through the sky and swoop down to save the day again and again and again, solving problems left and right, getting the job done, lifting enormous piles of responsibility high above my head with an appearance of ease. Having the applause of the people and my own satisfaction at another task completed doesn't hurt too much either.

Except that humans weren't made for this. Inevitably, real-life Superwomen fall from the sky, crushed by burdens they weren't made to bear. It can't all be done and done well. And if you've lived life believing that man was intended for flight, the fall can be hard.

For several years now, I have managed--by some manner of insanity and yes, only by God's grace--to run a household of 6 while homeschooling the kids, having people into our home frequently, baking all our bread and making healthy food from scratch, and blogging more or less regularly, in the midst of life fun including a pile of puppies, flooding, multiple moves, Nathan's major surgery, church planting, and the occasional panic attack. Nothing I felt totally unqualified to handle on its own. But the sum of the parts has proven greater than this woman's capabilities.

This spring, after a last few months of homeschooling that were sending me down a quick path to nervous breakdown, we finally made the decision to send our older three kids to school in the fall. This was not an easy decision. I believe that most any form of schooling can be done in a God-glorifying and family-benefitting way, and we've always been open to reevaluating our schooling choices each year, but now that it's moved out of the theoretical and into reality, I've discovered just how idolatrous my standard for myself really is. It's not that I'm afraid of school; in fact, I'm really excited about this new little school and the expanded opportunities our kids will have there. It's not so much that I'll miss having the kids around during the day; while I'm sure there will be days when I wish they were home, I'm looking forward to having more space during the day for my youngest, for the new business I've started*, and for building relationships within the church, the school and with our neighbours. No, what's made this decision especially difficult is that I won't be a homeschooling mom anymore. It means that I won't have that one massively extra thing on my resume of daily activities that makes people say, "I can't imagine how you do that!" It means that I've failed my own standard for how much I should be able to accomplish in a 24-hour period or a calendar year. Superwoman falls from the sky.

And yet, there is grace for this fallen superhero. Having idols exposed is a gift. Being forced to give up responsibility that was too great is a gracious invitation to rest. Recognizing weakness and limitations is an opportunity to lean hard on the strength that is only to be found in Christ. And getting knocked off my own pedestal brings with it more humility to accept others' limitations, too.

I can't do just anything I put my mind to. And there are times to say "no" even to things I am theoretically capable of, so that I can better serve my Lord, my family, my church, my neighbours. Life is not a superhero action flick or a kids' overly-confident TV programme. There has only really been one superhero, one who could do it all and bear up under it. And he's done it all so that I don't have to. His name is Jesus, and this failed superwoman is laying down her cape at his feet. Because that's precisely where it belongs.

________________________________________________________________
*Just to be clear, I didn't give up homeschooling in order to work. The work (which is only part-time) comes primarily out of a need to fund the kids' schooling, with the side benefit of being a good way to meet our neighbours.

Great Expectations

I've noticed over the years that Mother's Day is not always such a happy day for me. It started my first Mother's Day, when I woke up boiling with fever and spent the day in bed with my 8 week old. (Of course, it wasn't completely awful; she had just slept through the night for the first time!) And since then, there haven't been so many Mother's Days when I felt relatively relaxed and well-cared-for, able to enjoy a care-free, (mostly) trial-free day.

But Not-So-Happy Mother's Days are not the fault of my family. I get cards, I get help around the house, I get thoughtful gifts (whatever the wallet can manage, and sometimes beyond!). I'm pretty sure that these Not-So-Happy Mother's Days are actually the fault of me, myself and I. Or rather, of my own expectations. My problem is not that things are any worse on this one day of the year than on the others. My problem is my perspective.

There is something about any "appreciation day" that inspires selfish expectations in us. When there is a day on the calendar that gives honour to my role (or my birth, for that matter), my tendency is to assume that others should give me my due honour, and make the day worthy of me and my fantastic, awe-inspiring abilities and service toward those around me. But beyond the sinfulness of these selfish thoughts (though that were enough to condemn me), what I don't tend to realize is that such expectations are a recipe for disaster. When I set a standard in my own mind for what others should do for me or what a day should look like, anything less than my standard immediately looks like an abysmal failure. It won't really matter if my kids spend time on precious homemade cards with sweet messages in choppy handwriting if they don't also follow my (unspoken!) expectation that they stay quiet as little mice until at least 9 am so I can get a nice sleep-in on "my" special day. If my husband makes me breakfast, but doesn't clean up quite so nicely as I would prefer, breakfast in bed becomes a reason to grumble, not to rejoice. And if my standard is that the day be trial-free, even the smallest of trials (and doesn't every day have some?!) will easily seem to be much larger than it actually is. Take my fever, even. I've been sick plenty of other days that I don't recall the dates of. Why do I remember that one? Because it was supposed to be MY day.

Actually, that first Mother's Day is a good case in point. God gave me the oh-so-gracious gift of a full, unbroken night of sleep which I desperately needed, and which, had I had Facebook at the time, would have inspired an excited all-caps status all about the wonders of 9 straight hours of lost consciousness. But instead, because I was sick, and it was Mother's Day, I got stuck in the doldrums of "poor old sick motherly me". I forgot to keep my mind on what was worthy of gratitude and let it sit on my unmet expectations instead.

Do you have great expectations this year? Are you looking for ways that others can serve and appreciate you, or are you keeping your eyes low to the ground, recognizing that you deserve the worst--not just a noisy morning and a messy kitchen, but hell itself, remembering that despite what you really deserve, you have been shown incomprehensible mercy and grace in the person of Jesus, that you have been given the gift of life and piles of other undeserved gifts. I don't want the happiness of Mother's Day (or any other day) to be dependent on what others do for me, on how few troubles the day has, on how much time I'm able to spend doing what I want to do. Rather, I want to have that mind which is ours in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, did not consider equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (No breakfast in bed there!) And it's because of his humility and obedience--not because he clamoured for it or demanded it--that God has exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Philippians 2:2-7)

The day is coming when all our earthly crowns--mothering crowns included--will be laid at the feet of the One who laid aside his crown for us, and there will be no thought for what others should do for our honour, but only what we might do for the honour of our Lord. And in the face of this, even the worst of Mother's Days can be joy-filled ones! How will I live this Mother's Day, and all my other days, with this great expectation?

__________________________________________________________________
Another link on having a happy Mother's Day from GirlTalk

Two Perspectives on Parenting

Stephen Altrogge has an interesting money-making idea. He wants to gather all the parenting gurus into one space, and then have parents pay a dollar each to be allowed to slap every one of these authors in the face. He's pretty sure it would make him some serious bank, because haven't most of us wanted just such an opportunity at some point (or many points) in our parenting? Of course, he doesn't really mean it (I think?!); in his hilarious essay The Inmates Are Running the Asylumin the new book of the same title, he does give credit to the wisdom of many books on parenting. But this essay got me to thinking about the helpfulness of having two different perspectives in our life as parents (and really, in any sphere of life).

We were once part of a wonderful church community that was full of young parents. It seemed like everyone had kids the same ages as ours. Our kids had multiple options for playmates; we had people with whom we could swap date-night childcare; when the going was tough, friends would readily weep with you because the memories of similar struggles were so very fresh in their minds. We had all the sympathy in the world. But when we didn't know what to do in a parenting situation, we often had very little help (not never, just often). Even the "older" parents were only a couple years ahead, and often, questions were answered with either, "I have no idea what to tell you because we're struggling with the same thing right now" or "Well, this book I read says..." When we lacked wisdom on an issue where there was no clear biblical directive, we needed parents with a proven track-record who could share what had worked and what hadn't. And while the books were helpful, we longed for some real-life next-door-neighbour kind of wisdom from people who knew us and our kids and our situation.

After several years, we moved to another city and were part of another wonderful church community. And this time, there were multiple parents with years and years of parenting experience behind them. When we had a question, there were many trusted people we could ask, and the answers we received were genuinely insightful and helpful. I read fewer parenting books during that time because the information I was looking for was readily available at our church from people who DID know us and our kids and our situation. But for a while, we were one of the only young families in the church, and this brought with it struggles of its own. Suddenly, we felt like we had all the wisdom in the world at our fingertips, and not so much in the way of real-time sympathy. I don't mean to say that these dear friends weren't gracious or caring, or that they didn't remember anything about having small children. They were incredibly so, and they did. But there is something different about not only having people who have walked the road you're on, but who are walking it alongside you RIGHT NOW. We were so grateful for all the wisdom, and yet longed for other young parents who were feeling enough of the insanity of parenting at that moment that they could assure us that we weren't totally crazy ourselves.

The Blessing of a Simple Testimony: A Letter to My Daughter

On Saturday afternoon, we had the great joy of seeing our oldest daughter baptized, and my husband had the great honour of being the one to carry it out. Over the past while, as she was working on writing out her testimony, she expressed the concern that what she had to say about how she came to know Jesus was "boring". Here are my thoughts for her, and for any of you who struggle with the same feeling:

My dear daughter,

I want to say, first of all, how happy your daddy and I are that God has reached into your life and called you to be his own daughter, that he is passing the faith he has given us on to the next generation. It is a joy for us to witness and participate in your baptism, and to call you not only daughter, but now sister as well!

I know that you have struggled with the feeling that your testimony is somehow lacking, somewhat boring. I understand because I, too, have a simple testimony. I remember praying "the sinner's prayer" (many times, actually) at the age of 5 or 6, and I really can't remember a time before that when I did not believe the Word of God and his saving gospel to be true. While I've had struggles (don't we all?!) and times of both lesser and greater growth, I still cannot point to a time in my life when I was not a Christian. And so there have been many times over the course of my life when I've heard or witnessed a testimony that involved great amounts of time and sin and struggle and fireworks, and I've wondered to myself why I couldn't have something more "interesting" to give as an answer to the question, "How did you come to follow Jesus?"

Loving My Children as Individuals

In the messiness and mundanity of motherhood, I can easily become very aware of my kids' disobedience, weaknesses and annoying habits, and slowly begin to resent them and their intrusion into my life. I begin to deal with them as if they were people to be dealt with, rather than to be loved and welcomed. But God's Word is very clear that children are a blessing and a heritage from the Lord. They are people created in His image, formed under His watchful care, carried by His sovereign hand from birth to death, and arrows to be sent into the future where we cannot go. And just as we are loved by our heavenly Father, we are to love the children He has put into our care.

Just as it takes exercise to have a healthy body that runs well, we do well to exercise our minds toward love for our children. On Saturday, Nathan took the kids out for the morning, and I was able to have some quiet time (two words that often seem illusive to mothers!) to pray for them. This reminded me of two things that I have found enormously helpful in helping me to see my kids and love them for the image-bearing individual people that they are:

1) Praying for them as individuals
Most of the time, I tend to pray for my kids as a group, even if I list them by name. This is not wrong--we pray for all kinds of people by the group that they belong to. But I have found that on the occasions that I break down "my kids" into individual people and pray specifically for each one with his/her own characteristics, areas for thankfulness, areas of concern and desires for their specific walk with God and their specific futures, I come away from that time more thankful for them and more ready to love them as they are, with all their weaknesses and strengths. And indeed, praying for them like this is a way of loving them. (And it is far more than just an exercise!)

2) Doing a character inventory
In order to pray for them as individuals, I need to know them as individuals. I can't pray with specifics if I don't know what their individual traits and needs are--I need to study my kids. There are many ways to do this, some more formal than others, and the particular method of study is a matter of human wisdom (so don't turn it into a law!) One that I have found really helpful is to occasionally set aside a block of time (either early in the morning, after they've gone to bed, or at a time when Nathan can take them out for some daddy time) to do an inventory of each kid. I think through and write down things that I see as their strengths and weaknesses (start with the strengths so that you're encouraged as you go on to the weaknesses, and not disheartened from the beginning!). I list things that they like and things that they don't. I write notes about where I see them in their walk with God (or lack of one). And then I try to think of a few specific ways that I can encourage their strengths, help them in weaknesses and enjoy their "likes" with them. Now that takes a lot of time with 4 kids, and when I say I do this occasionally, I really mean that it doesn't happen nearly as often as I would like! But especially as my kids get older and their characters become more obvious, I want to make it my goal to do a full inventory once a year, and to review it every once in a while for a reminder. Obviously, with very young kids, you'll need a far less detailed method. A list for my relatively non-verbal 2-year-old is going to be a whole lot shorter than the list for my 8-year-old. But even at the age of 2, especially if it's not your first kid, there are likely a few things you can pick out as individual to that child. A really helpful resource for such an inventory (and for other things related to loving your kids) is the book A Mother's Heart by Jean Fleming (Thanks, Joanne Kerr, for giving that to me a few years ago!). Also, it's a good idea to talk through your thoughts or notes with your husband afterward--he may have important insights to add, and may be helped by your observations as well, especially if you're home with the kids far more than he is.

I think the reason that these "exercises" help me love my kids more is that they force me to see them as far more than just "the kids", which is what they can often appear to be when they are running a circus in my home. They help me to see the things in their individual personalities that are precious blessings from God. They encourage me to seek God's help for their weaknesses and for my relationship with each of them. And I become more aware of the ways that they really are growing and changing as the years go by.

What are some things you do to help you love your kids as individuals (or as a group, for that matter)?

Mom Guilt

If you are a mom, I have a question for you: Did you at any point in the last 24 hours feel some measure of guilt about your mothering ability? If so, you are not alone. Almost every mother I've ever known (including me) seems to struggle, at least at some points, with feeling like she doesn't do enough, or she does too much, or she's somehow messing up her children by her inadequacies and sin. Between the desire to prove to their working peers that stay-at-home moms are doing something worthwhile with their days (or to prove to their "full-time mom" friends that working moms actually care for their kids, too) and the inundation of beautiful, creative, time-consuming ideas flooding Facebook, Pinterest and the blogosphere, I'm pretty convinced that the mothers of our generation spend a lot of time straining under the burden of the guilt of not measuring up. Stephen Altrogge at The Blazing Center wrote a post about this last week, and I think what he has to say is helpful. He boils the biblical responsibility of mothering down to 3 things: love God, love your husband, and love your kids by training them in the ways of the Lord. Cake-decorating, homeschooling and hand-stitching their Christmas outfits are not on the list. 

But my concern is that, for Christian mothers who desire to glorify God and live out their faith, there is a source of guilt beyond how many crafts we do or whether we let our kids watch TV, and it is far more subtle. It is the guilt of not always training our children in the ways of the Lord, of not always loving our husbands, of not always delighting in God. If you are a mother who deeply desires to obey the Word, to see your children following the Lord, and to do all things, as much as possible, in a biblical way, it is very easy to become steeped in guilt when you see all the many places where you don't measure up to the standards of the Bible. This guilt may be worldly--your pride may be hurt because you don't manage to read your 4-year-old a chapter of the Bible each day (or even a verse). You may be anxious about the effects of your sin and neglect on the ability of your kids to be productive members of society, or to answer the questions correctly in Sunday School. You may fear that God will punish you for your failings by turning your children away from him. Or your guilt may be godly--you realize that when you fail as a mother, you sin primarily against a Holy God and are truly saddened by the fact that you have not obeyed the commands of your loving Father and have grieved the Holy Spirit. But either way, the guilt must be dealt with. Here are three things I need to think about when I begin to feel that "mom guilt" creeping in (or exploding with a bang!):

1) Am I feeling guilty for worldly reasons, or godly ones? Moms, if we are sitting under a weight of guilt because of pride or anxiety or fear, then our first need is to recognize that our sin is not mainly about US and our self-esteem, or about our relationship with our kids. The God of heaven is holy, and he has commanded us to be holy as he is holy (1 Peter 1:14-16). Any failure in our parenting shows that we do not measure up to his standard of holiness. Our sin is not first and foremost about being a bad parent; it's about sinning against the perfect God of love. If I realize that I'm just concerned about my reputation or the consequences of my actions, I need to pray for the grace to see my sin for what it is: an offense to the God of Holiness. I need to pray for the Spirit's work to lead me to genuine sorrow for my SIN, and not just for its effects. (see 2 Corinthians 7:8-12)

2) Am I feeling guilty over actual sin, or am I merely failing man's standard of righteousness? Christian moms today can choose from a wealth of books and blogs on how to parent in a godly way. Some of these books appeal directly to biblical truth and wisdom; others are really just man's wisdom cloaked in proof verses; some are a mix of the two. (And some may contain little real "wisdom" at all.) It is easy for the mother who earnestly desires to raise her children in a biblical way to hear wisdom principles from respected writers and speakers (and other mothers) and become convinced that these principles are biblical commands. We moms love to have a nice little checklist of "how to get Amy to sit still in church" or "how to train Johnny to serve others" and especially "how to get any kid to obey". And sometimes such a checklist is very helpful. Human wisdom certainly has an important place in parenting. But while the Bible doesn't answer any of these questions with a 5-step make-or-break program, we are sometimes quick to take a wise Christian's practical advice on the matter and turn it into law. Then, when we break this "law", we feel guilty. We may truly feel that we have sinned against God. So when I feel guilty over a presence or lack of something in my mothering, I may need to search the Scriptures (with prayer) to see if what I believe to be biblical really is biblical, and not just the respectable personal opinion of another human. Sometimes the answer is very clear. If I never speak about God or his ways to my children, I am clearly failing to obey the Bible (Deut. 6:4-8, among many others). Other times, it takes greater discernment. Keeping a regular schedule during the day may be a very wise thing to do, but while the Bible speaks to the goodness of order and regular times of work and rest, if you have a few days where the whole routine goes down the drain, you have not sinned (at least not necessarily--the cause of the disruption may involve sin, but the actual change in routine is neutral territory). So make sure your guilt really pertains to sin. If it's just a matter of someone else's wisdom, that would be the place to relax, and thank God that only he determines what is sin and what is not.

3) Now if my guilt is over real sin, then I must not stay there. It is time to repent, to confess my sin to God to seek, by the work of the Spirit, to turn away from my sin, and to appropriate God's forgiveness. I may also need to confess my sin to my children (and/or husband) and ask for their forgiveness. And here is where "mom guilt" ends. The glorious truth in all this is that the mother who truly repents has no more reason to sit under the burden of guilt. In fact, she MUST NOT! The repentant mother is FREE from her sin, because the Bible promises that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). Every mother--and indeed, every Christian--should memorize verses like that (just my wisdom, though!). Yes, there are mothers who are lazy about their parenting, though to be honest, I've met very few (see also this article from the Gospel Coalition.). Yes, sin is real, parental failure is real, and its effects on our children are real. But if we sit under the weight of that sin even after we have repented before God, if we allow ourselves to believe that it's all over and we're lost (or our kids are lost) because we blew it, if we refuse to believe that God can really forgive THAT sin, then we've made God too small in our eyes. God is greater than ALL our sin, and his grace is more than sufficient to cover even the worst sin and failure. Mothers, Jesus bore the awful weight of the cross so that you wouldn't have to bear the guilty weight of your sin. God would actually be unjust to hold our sin against us, because the penalty has already been paid once and for all by Jesus. If you are guilty over your sin today, run to Jesus. If you are broken over the way you've failed your kids, run to Jesus. If you can't see your way out of your parenting mistakes, run to Jesus. We do not have a high priest who stands over us with the law, burdening us with the guilt of our mothering failures, holding our children hostage until we "get it right". We have a high priest "who has been tempted in every way, just as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:15,16)

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." (Romans 8:1-4)

Be free, Christian mothers! Be free from the guilt of not making enough beautiful birthday cakes for your kids, free from the guilt of not teaching them all their letters before they go off to kindergarten, free from the guilt of never having time or energy (or insanity) for fingerpainting. And as you repent, be free from the guilt of forgetting to go over their memory verses, free from the guilt of spending too much time on the internet instead of praying for them, free from the guilt of disciplining in anger, free from the guilt of every sin that has been paid for at the cross (and for those who are in Christ, that is every single one!). Sin is serious and we must run from it. But God's grace at the cross is serious, too, and we must run to it. 

Are you running toward freedom today? Let's run to Christ and be free from our mom guilt!

Clinging... Upheld

It's been that kind of week... the kind that makes you want to go bury your head under your pillow until someone comes to tell you it's all over. Long, busy days; kids unfocused on schoolwork; a 2-year-old making messes every which way I look; physical and mental exhaustion; fighting against that little demonic voice that tells me to throw in the towel and run away--those have been my circumstances. And then on top of that, sins of impatience, anger, lack of mercy, despair and ultimately the sin of unbelief. Assaulted from without and within. Have you ever had a week like that?

One of the things I've often struggled with in these times is that what I want is to be full of joy and delight in God, even in the midst of difficult circumstances, so that (in addition to the joy and grace of being joyful) my kids will see that my God is enough, that my God is delightful, that my God is worth losing everything to have. But what I sometimes am is just fighting: fighting against that fall into the pit of despair, fighting to remember grace, fighting to behold Christ, fighting to delight. And sometimes, I fail. I give in to despair; I despise mercy and strangle my debtor; I lose sight of Christ in the busyness of life; I place my delight in well-behaved kids and things being easy.

I am a fighting, frequently failing, feeble mom. And my kids see it. They won't be the kids who grow up and recount how their mother was always patient, always gentle, always serving with a smile. My son recently recounted to me several occasions over the course of his 5 short years when I had lacked mercy and gentleness in my dealings with him. And though I had forgotten most of them, he remembers. They see. It's not enough to say that the years will wash it all away and they'll forget and rise up and call you blessed anyway, so don't worry about it. Sin and failure don't just disappear with the years.

So is there any hope for me when things are tough and I feel like I can barely hold on? The answer to that question is a resounding YES. When I am struggling, I frequently return to Psalm 63, which starts with David in the wilderness seeking God. His is not a "happy-happy-joy-joy" kind of seeking; it is a thirsting, fainting, dry and weary sort of seeking. It is desperate. And so he meditates on God's power and glory, not his own. He meditates on God's steadfast love, not his own. He sings because God has been his help in the past, and is his shelter in the present. And then he says, "My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Years and years ago, as I was reading this psalm and came to that verse, a picture came to my mind of a huge foot standing over a great chasm, and me hanging on to that foot for dear life as I swung out over the endless pit. I was minuscule in comparison to the foot, and my tiny hands could barely cling to the big toe. I was slipping, but doing my best to hold on. And then as the picture came into focus, I suddenly realised that all the time, there was underneath my tiny form a huge, steady hand, holding me up as I clung. I was grasping with all my weak strength, and that had been all I could see, but I was really being held up by that steadfast hand all the while. This is so often a picture of my daily life. I am fighting, barely holding on, seeking to persevere but struggling. And yet, "what is referred to as 'the perseverance of the saints' is in fact the perseverance of the Lord with those he has called".* It is not I who persevere, but God who perseveres with me and makes me persevere.

Our God is not merely the God of the happy, ever-smiling man who even in suffering never asks "why?", of the preacher whose every sermon is a "must listen", of the mother who sings her way through every diaper change. Our God is also the God of Abraham, Jacob, Moses, Job, David, Peter and Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. He is the God of real, struggling, agonizing human beings, and he is the God who holds them steadfastly in the palm of his hand, preserving them till the end, even as they fight to trust.

If my children can't see that I do everything with a smile and a song, then I want them to see that when the going gets tough, I am repenting, I am fighting, I am clinging. I want them to see that my God is worth fighting to trust, worth fighting to delight in, worth seeking even when joy is far away and life looks dismal. I want them to see the God who is so committed to his people that he came down to bear the full weight of their sin in the agony of the cross, who knew crushing darkness so that we could have the hope of glory. I want them to see the God who upholds his grieving, weeping, sinning people. I want them to see the God who carries his people to the end and never lets go, even when they are tempted to. And that is a God who is enough, who is delightful, who is worth losing everything to have.

It's been that kind of week... the kind where our glorious, redeeming God shows his power in my weakness and his grace in my sin. And though that might not make for a pleasant week, it is still cause for rejoicing.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." (1 Peter 1:3-9)


*(Alec Motyer, The Message Of Exodus)

Grace For the Heart of Anger

I promised one more book revisit, but I'm actually going to tackle two books at once today, since they both deal with parenting, and I think the one needs the other.

When I last mentioned The Heart of Angerby Lou Priolo, I was only a few chapters in. Having now finished it, I would still recommend it, but with a caveat. This book on dealing with angry children has very helpful, concise sections on common mistakes parents make (I identified with several of them) that provoke kids to anger, how to talk your child through their angry response to something, how to respond when your child attempts to manipulate you, and how to give your child a framework for respectfully appealing your decisions when they feel them unfair. Although I don't know if we'll ever actually use the paper worksheets recommended in the book after "anger episodes", (as a verbal exchange in discipline situations, I think they're very useful), I was tracking with Priolo until the very last chapter, which attempts to answer the question "But what if this doesn't work?" That's where he lost me.

Priolo's answer to the question is pretty short (the chapter is only 3 pages long): If a counselee makes the claim that he "tried it God's way and it didn't work", "one of two things is wrong: either the counselee did not really do it God's way or he did not do it God's way long enough." He then goes on to briefly expand the idea that if the methods in his book don't "work", you're either not doing it all, or you haven't done it long enough to see change. He never defines what it means for these methods to "work", but one assumes that he means your children will gain control over their anger and your home will be peaceful. Now, it is true that if you only use part of a method it may well be less effective, and I fully agree that good parenting is the process of applying consistent principles over the long term, but scripturally, I don't think you can claim that doing things "God's way" will always "work" in the earthly, happy-ending, easy sense of the word. This answer seems overly simplistic to me and leans too heavily on the idea that if we can only parent well, our children will turn out the way we want them to.

Good parenting doesn't guarantee successful (or godly) kids. If the ability of our children to control their anger and live a quiet and godly life depends solely (or even mostly) on our ability to always do everything thoroughly and consistently for 18 (or more) years, then our kids are all doomed. What parent has ever, in the history of the universe, parented their children without multiple errors, sinful reactions, and at least some inconsistency? Abraham, Isaac and Jacob are the great patriarchs, honoured for their faith in Scripture, and yet they all played favourites with their kids. David was a man after God's own heart, but his kids are no paragon of virtue. Even Jesus' parents made mistakes, and he had to (respectfully) rebuke them. Although I should take my responsibility as a parent very seriously, I don't want my kids' eternal or even earthly destiny to rest on my ability to be a good, consistent parent who uses the "right" method.

When Priolo discusses the importance of consistency earlier in the book, he says, "[The children] should know that each offense will be treated justly and equitably regardless of their parents' emotional, spiritual, or physical condition at the time of discipline." I agree. That is the ideal. But can I be realistic for a minute? Have you ever had a discipline situation while your head is over the toilet in the middle of first trimester pregnancy? Have you ever been so emotionally and physically drained at the end of a LONG day, that even though you try hard to listen, you still have to ask 5 times what happened, and even then, you have no clue how to apply Scripture to the situation? I'm not saying we shouldn't pray for strength and wisdom and seek to do our best in even the worst of circumstances. I'm just saying that I don't know any parent who handles things exactly the same in each and every emotional, spiritual and physical condition at all times, and who always does everything right. We need room for grace.

I love the chapter in Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson's Give Them Gracewhere they deal with the same subject: What about when things don't work? The whole book offers great hope for the imperfect parent, because the main theme is that God doesn't deal with our children's souls exactly in keeping with our parental ability and faithfulness. Just because you're a "good" parent doesn't mean God owes you fantastic, godly children. He's never promised that. And just because you make mistakes doesn't mean your children are going to be criminal basket-cases who hate God and you, too. We are called to be faithful, yes, but all good in our children is only by God's grace; any good in our parenting that positively affects them is by His grace, too. And His grace is sufficient for parental sins, from the smallest, most mundane to huge, life-changing errors. As Fitzpatrick and Thompson discuss God's glory in our sin and our children's sin in the chapter Weak Parents and Their Strong Savior, they rightly qualify things by saying,

We're not encouraging anyone to sin. God hates sin. We should hate it, too. And because we never know what God's will is before it is accomplished, we must always assume that it is his will to be glorified by our obedience rather than by our disobedience. We must continually strive with all our might for the 'holiness without which no one will see the Lord' (Heb. 12:14)

But for all those times that parents do sin, or all those times that parents do (most) everything right and the child still rebels, they write,

The weaknesses, failures, and sins of our family are the places where we learn that we need grace too. It is there, in those dark mercies, that God teaches us to be humbly dependent. It is there that he draws near to us and sweetly reveals his grace. Paul's suffering [in 1 Corinthians 12] teaches us to reinterpret our thorn. Instead of seeing it as a curse, we are to see it as the very thing that keeps us 'pinned close to the Lord'.

God is glorified even through the darkest, most sinful aspects of our family life when these things turn us to him and his abundant grace in our weakness and failure. This is sometimes the only way that things work out in our parenting. While we don't always understand this, there are times when the only real happy ending is that we are driven closer to our Lord. I love this paragraph:

We think that compliant children will best teach us about his grace and the gospel, and they can. Compliant, believing children are frequently reflections of his great kindness. But the Lord also teaches us of his grace and the gospel through difficult children. We learn what it is like to love like he loved. We learn how to walk in his footsteps, and it is there, in our personal 'upper room', where we learn how to wash the feet of those who are betraying us. It is there, kneeling before our rebellious children, that the real power of God is demonstrated. The compliant child's life lies to us, assuring us that she is good because we're such good parents. Difficult children tell us the truth: God loves his enemies, and he can infuse us with grace that will make us lay down our lives for them too. Their rebellion is a verification of the gospel: we produce sinful children because we are sinners, but God loves sinners. God's power is displayed through our failures when we tether ourselves to the gospel message of sin and forgiveness [not to our thoroughness or consistency], no matter how desperate the situation becomes.

I am thankful for the variety of parenting books out there, including The Heart of Angerand Teach Them Diligently, another book from Priolo (which, incidentally, ends on a much more gracious note), that give practical, detailed wisdom to the confused and struggling parent (and really, which of us aren't?). But if I recommend any "methods", however biblically-based, these days I am also quick to recommend Give Them Graceas a biblically gracious lens through which to view that method. I recommend The Heart of Anger for its practical help, but don't leave its efficacy to your own ability to carry out the methods in it. Lean hard on the glorious grace of our heavenly Father, and trust Him to carry out His good, pleasing and perfect will, whether it involves self-controlled, compliant children and energy for the day's parenting, or whether you're weeping over a defiant child or your own lack of mercy while you lean over that porcelain bowl.

Mercy, Sacrifice, Truth and the Abortion Debate

"But you must remember, beloved, the predictions of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ. They said to you, 'In the last time there will be scoffers, following their own ungodly passions.' It is these who cause divisions, worldly people, devoid of the Spirit. But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. And have mercy on those who doubt;  save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh." (Jude 17-23)


Yesterday, the Canadian parliament defeated a private member motion asking for a committee that would reexamine the current Criminal Code definition of "human being", which presently states that one is only a human being once they have fully exited the mother's body (in a living state, no less). Arguing that this definition, which is based on a 400-year-old British law, is no longer in line with modern medical and scientific knowledge, MP (similar to House Rep) Stephen Woodworth laid out Motion 312 last spring, and it came to a vote last night. Unfortunately, slightly more than two-thirds of Parliament are not interested in even being open to the fact that the definition might be wrong, and attempted to shut down the abortion debate in Canada by voting against this needed study (yes, those do exist!) However, the debate is far from over... it is encouraging that just shy of a third of our MPs do support such an examination, including the Status of Women minister (who is now receiving a lot of flack from pro-abortion activists who view her vote as a "slap in the face to the women of Canada"), the House leader (who happens to be our MP) and a few other cabinet ministers. As well, another motion was put forward yesterday asking Parliament to condemn sex-selective abortions (Motion 408--keep an eye on it). Even if the first motion was defeated, it seems to have mobilized the pro-life base in Canada to a greater extent than I've seen before. I am hopeful (and prayerful) that these are the first little birthing pains in Canadian legislation to grant the right of life to all Canadian infants, regardless of their gender, mental or physical ability, developmental stage or convenience.

As this has all been going down, I've been doing quite a bit of thinking about abortion, those who defend it, and those who rightly see it as the murder of an innocent human being. And I've been a little disturbed to see some of the same sinful roots of abortion lurking in my own flesh--lack of mercy, love of self and suppression of the truth. Now before I fill in these points, please hear what I'm not saying. I am NOT blaming the non-passage of this motion on anyone other than those who actively seek to defend murder. We pro-lifers are not perfect; we share some of the same sin struggles, but we are not to blame for the continuation of this evil. I am also NOT advocating moral equivalency here. Even though Jesus says that if you hate your brother you have murdered him in your heart, a hateful thought and actual, physical murder are still two very different things! Both are enough to separate you from a holy God forever, apart from the grace of that same Jesus, but murder is clearly recognized in the Bible as being more hateful to God as calling your brother a bad name (one deserves death in the Old Testament, the other a sincere apology). And finally, I am NOT saying that if you find these same sins in your own flesh, you should pile onto your shoulders the full weight of condemnation and go away depressed, thinking yourself just as bad and dead and without hope as the most hardened of criminals. Conviction of sin, yes. But if you are in Christ, there is no longer any condemnation for you, and these thoughts should be seen as just a little push toward greater Christlikeness. That's how I am viewing them. The Father of Lies left me for dead, but I've been rescued by God and mercifully adopted into His family, so that now I want to be more and more pleasing to my heavenly Father, even while I already have His full approval in Christ. So when I see sin, no matter how small, I want to root it out. All that said, here are three areas where I see my own propensity to sin:

Unextended Mercy 
One of the arguments that abortion proponents use against pro-lifers is that they are only pro-life to a point. They convince a woman that she shouldn't murder her child, but that's where they stop. They get an affirmation for life and promptly abandon the woman. They save the child and hang the mother out to dry. Now the rare militant "pro-lifer" (though I wouldn't call them pro-life) has been known to exist, but I've never met one.  I do, however, personally know several people who have not only rescued an infant from death, but have opened their homes, their wallets, their hearts and their souls to the baby's mother. I've known families who have given up their comfort to provide a place in their own home for a near stranger to live, caring for her for 9 months, providing for her needs, and caring for both her and her child after the birth. I know multiple families who have taken in orphans and the fatherless, at great cost to their own resources (both financial and emotional). Just this week, some friends joyfully brought home two international orphans to add to the three local children they've already adopted. These are just ordinary people, but in the Spirit's power they are doing extraordinary things to bring homes, care and hope to the lonely, the abandoned, the broken.

So my question for myself is this: which category do I fit into? Do I only care about the helpless baby or am I full of mercy for the woman in crisis as well? I mean, pregnancy is a bit of a crisis even when you were hoping and expecting that you would have that child. Pregnancy is NEVER a convenience (though it can bring great blessing). Add to the normal inconvenience the fact that you didn't want to be pregnant and may not have any support system--may, in fact, have an extremely unsupportive environment, or that you've been told that your infant will suffer from life-long disabilities that will require incredible amounts of work on your part, and you need MERCY! But if a woman came to me and confessed that she was considering aborting her child, would I respond with grace? Would she see the judgement in my eyes before I even opened my mouth to plead mercy for her child? Would I be willing to give up my own convenience and comfort to commit to months and years of being her support? Would I be willing to love her even if she went ahead with the abortion? Do I love people that much? Do I love my God, and His image in all humans that much? Lord, may I not cling to my own "rights" so much that I fail to truly care for the widow and the orphan!

Disproportionately Desired Freedom
Abortion is an extreme example of a parent being so consumed with their own life and freedom that they fail to allow another human being to interfere with it. Children change lifestyles and create havoc and uncertainty. The surest way to avoid such change and chaos is to not have them, even at the cost of doing away with them before they see the light of day. But even for those of us who are fully committed to bearing to term each and every little human that God places in our wombs, we regularly confront the temptation to pursue our own freedom and desires at cost to our little ones. How often am I impatient with my children because their schoolwork is beginning to eat into my "me-time"? How often do I grumble about the mountains of laundry that I have to do when I'd rather be sleeping? How often do I mentally shut the kids out because my book is really interesting (and this is the one time this week I might have time to read it!)? How often do I give in to thinking of all the things I could buy if I didn't have to put money into their clothes and food? How often do I yell at them in anger because they've embarrassed me in public? Yes, I let them live, but am I willing to be poured out in service that they might be built up? Last week, I was having a particularly difficult time joyfully serving my kids when I wanted to be doing other (less-important) things, and then I read this verse: "But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." (Acts 20:24) Am I so committed to the advance of the gospel of God's grace in my home (and elsewhere), that I don't count my life as precious to myself? Now I repeat my caution here: as Kevin DeYoung puts it in his new book The Hole in Our Holiness(which is really good!), "Judging from the Lord's outrage [in the OT], sacrificing your children to Molech was probably worse than losing your patience with them." Abortion and mild impatience are not the same thing. Nor do I think pouring yourself out for your children means that you serve them hand and foot 24/7, never take a break and bow at their every command (not in the least!). But I am so often unwilling to really care for them when I'd rather be doing something else. Lord, grow me in selfless love for those you've put into my care!


Truth Burial
The defeat of Motion 312 is a stunning example of Romans 1:18. It is an active suppression of the truth to refuse to even examine whether that "thing" in a woman's womb might possibly be human 2 seconds before it is born. Current medical and scientific knowledge clearly point to the fact that a human fetus is, in fact, human from the very earliest stages of development. Some of those who called for the defeat of this motion even publicly stated this to be true. But they do not want this knowledge to affect our laws, because that would mean that abortion is the killing of a human, and thus immoral and illegal. It is perhaps ironic that when it came to redefining marriage, the Canadian parliament was all for it (because a change in the definition would bring about a legal result they desired), but now that a new definition for human beings would affect the law in a way that many MPs are afraid of, they are unwilling to even discuss whether the current definition might be wrong. They are guilty of bending and twisting the law to their own ends, and this is deplorable. 

But as I discussed this with our kids the other day, it occurred to me how often we bend the law to justify our own actions. No, we don't do it to condone murder or gross sexual immorality, but have you ever fudged the truth just a little so you didn't look bad, and convinced your conscience that it wasn't really a lie? How tempting it is when watching an entertaining movie that grates just a little on my conscience to make up a list of reasons why I shouldn't turn it off! How frequently my pride causes me to refuse to serve in unpleasant ways by convincing me that I'm not well-suited to the task! Lord, may I not sear my conscience by suppressing even little truths to suit my own sinful purposes!

I want to fight the desires of my flesh even in these "small" things, being at the same time thankful for the grace given me to gather the courage to call my MP and the prime minister this week (I don't like phoning people I don't know, much less elected officials), and the grace to pray more consistently for the changing of hearts and laws in our nation. May we all grow in the delight of living to the pleasure of our Heavenly Father, and may He grant us the Spirit's power to do so!

 

"Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen." (Jude 24-25)

Cars, Papers and Living Words

God always provides what we need.

It's a truth I'm still learning to really believe, and it's a truth my kids don't grasp yet either. My oldest daughter, in particular, is very easily gripped by anxiety when she perceives a need or problem (however small) and can't immediately see how she can fix it. This morning I encountered yet another example of this. It's VBS week (which means it's my week to live in the car) and yesterday, she left some papers at a friend's house that she needed to bring today. She realized this as we were heading out the door, already on the verge of being late. Instantly, her world began to fall to pieces. Anguished outbursts like "Mommy, if I don't have those papers, I'm going to FAIL VBS!" and several "But what ifs" were her contribution to the getting-out-the-door conversation. The mood in the car was no better.

So before we started on their memory verse for the day, I pleaded with my daughter to trust that God knows what we need and always provides it. He knows whether she needs those papers today, so she doesn't need to worry about it. I then related to the kids how Mommy and Daddy are often tempted to be anxious and not trust God's goodness and provision for us. Just this week, Nathan's car was hit (thankfully, he wasn't in it and no one was hurt), and the damage was bad enough that we thought it might be totaled. If so, we'd be needing to purchase a new vehicle, and that would cost us more than the old one was worth--money we didn't have. We had a few days to wait for the damage assessment and during that time, worry was an easy option. But both past experience and--more importantly--God's Word tell us that He always cares for our true needs and so, I told the kids, we prayed that God would provide the right provision for our car need. And because God is always faithful, He did. In His kindness and provision, the car is a hair less than totaled, so it will be fixed at no cost of any of us by the insurance, and we don't need a new vehicle. (And of course, had it actually been totaled, we know God would have somehow provided us with a new one... or a job that didn't require a car... or some other answer I don't yet have a category for!) This, I told my daughter, is how God cares for the details of our lives, and so we must not be anxious, but trust and pray.

Then we turned to the memory verse, which "happened" to be Psalm 46:1. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." After repeating it with them once, it occurred to me that such a verse was immediately applicable to my daughter's trouble with the forgotten VBS papers. I was just about to point this out when she piped up, "Hey, Mommy! This verse is exactly about my situation and what you just said! How did the VBS people know to make this the verse for today?!" ....Which gave me the opportunity to say, "That's God's provision for you! He knew you'd have this trouble today, and He knew that this verse would apply. He's already begun to answer our prayer for provision by providing you with His Word today. That's how good He is, that He makes even those little details work together for your good." And then we talked about what it means for God to be our refuge, and an ever-present one at that.

She was left in wonder that a seemingly "random" VBS Bible verse could be given by God to speak directly into her day, and I was left praising the God who opens the eyes even of little children to see and hear how His words apply to their lives (and mine!).

Thank you, Lord, for not only allowing my daugher to hear your Word regularly from infancy, but also for granting her the faith-building experience of seeing your Word come alive to her in the midst of her very present 8-year-old troubles. May we all grow in trusting your good and gracious provision for our lives, not only in fixed cars or found papers, but also especially in your living Word to your people!

Wise Words from Girltalk

This post by Carolyn Mahaney on priorities in mothering was very encouraging to me. I love my kids, and I love to read to them and answer their questions and sometimes even make a mess in the kitchen with them, but I've never been much of one for being down and dirty on the floor driving trucks all over the basement. Sometimes I feel guilty when I read things about putting down the housework and climbing into the sandbox, because I don't like to live in chaos, and I don't like to play in sand (or clean it up later!). But mothering is not all about the kids and their playtime needs. It's also about taking care of their need for organization, for security, for training, for a mother whose heart is quiet and delighting in Christ, for a mother who loves and serves her husband. Come to think of it, my own mother was not a floor-player either--at least from what I remember, but she was always there, she ran our home well, and we knew she loved my dad and Jesus. And we love her for it!

Death Restrained

I woke up this morning. So did my husband, all four of my children, and even the dog. So far, that has happened each morning since each of us was born. Amazing, isn't it? And yet, how often does that fact even occur to me? How often am I truly thankful for the simple gifts of life and health and peace? How often am I even aware that I have them, rather than only being aware of all the trials in my life?

Our youngest son is a means God is using to teach me to be more aware of His daily care for us and to be more thankful that He continues to preserve us.


When our son was born after a very healthy pregnancy and normal delivery, the cord was wrapped around his neck and he stopped breathing. He was plopped on my lap for all of five seconds and then briskly swiped away to the resuscitation table, as the midwife realized that he hadn't recovered from the trauma. She was able to get him breathing again, and he's been an energizer bunny of a boy ever since. But in the probably only 2 minutes that felt like an eternity while she worked on him with the oxygen pump, Nathan and I faced the very real possibility that modern medicine might fail and our newborn son might die before we'd even really had a good look at him. What a relief when he let out a hearty cry and was restored to my arms! God preserved his life that day, and we were well aware of it. 


A few years later, our basement flooded in the middle of the night. We were alerted to this by our older son who had gotten up to use the washroom, and had climbed down off his bed into a few inches of water (the kids all sleep in the basement). After getting everybody up and dealing with the immediate tasks needed to bring down the water level, we began the work of drying everything out, including our younger son's mattress, which had been on the floor, as he had just recently moved out of the crib. It was at that point that we realized that if the water had risen only another couple inches, his mattress would have been submerged, and he might not have woken up that day. God had preserved his life again, and we were again well aware of it. 


Last week at the library, this same little boy wandered away, and by the time I realized he was gone, his search for me had taken him outside into the parking lot. He was noticed, and I was called to collect him at the front desk, but that could have ended very badly. Thankfully, he was under God's watchful eye, even when he had escaped mine, and God preserved him.


But that boy is a risk taker, and it is not unlikely that each and every day of his life, God has kept him from some fatal danger that we weren't even aware of!  


We are so quick to grieve when God takes something precious away from us. We don't often restrain ourselves from complaint when God brings adverse circumstances into our day. We are anxious about whether our kids will die of SIDS, or by being hit by a car, or by falling down the stairs, or by drowning, and we are so slow to entrust them and their lives to our Father in Heaven. And yet, how many times has He already spared them, unbeknownst to us? How many times has He kept us from the likely results of our own foolishness? How many times has Satan asked to sift us like wheat, and God has replied, "No, not this time"? How many times has God stayed His hand, and restrained wrath? How many times have we been given life when we deserved death?


We've had tragedy in our lives. We've had two children that we never had the chance to meet, due to miscarriage. We've experienced health emergencies, deaths among our extended family and friends, serious financial loss, the consequences of divorce and more. But if I spend more time asking "Why?" about these sad circumstances than I do praising God for all the times those things could have happened and didn't, my vision is skewed.


We often hear the question, "If God is so good (and so powerful), why does He allow suffering?" Allow me to turn the question on its head: If God is not good (and all powerful), why does He so often hold the suffering back? If God were not in control, how much more often would our lives fall apart? How much more often would we be under the vicious attacks of the devil? How many more days would there be when someone didn't wake up? 


"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me. The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever." (Psalm 138:7-8a)

Lessons From the Check-Out

I was THAT mother today. You've seen her before--the one who's desperately trying to decide whether she actually needs those discounted bowls (she didn't), while also attempting to keep 3 children from biting each other's heads off with their words, and all the while, a 4th child is in the grocery cart, wailing at the top of her lungs. She makes a good effort to avoid the annoyed, or occasionally sympathetic, gazes of the others in the check-out line, slams the groceries onto the belt as fast as humanly possible, then makes a beeline for the parking lot the second the card is authorized. I've seen her, too. I've been the onlooker thinking, "Can't that poor woman keep those kids in line?!" Well, today I WAS her.

But I need those kind of shopping days to help keep my pride in check. I need to remember that we all fail as parents at times, that we're all weak, that we all need a Saviour, that there is nothing in myself or my kids that I can rely on--I must depend solely on the grace of God.

This was SO not today!

These words from Elyse Fitzpatrick are so encouraging to me:

"The weaknesses, failures, and sins of our family are the places where we learn that we need grace too. It is there, in those dark mercies, that God teaches us to be humbly dependent. It is there that he draws near to us and sweetly reveals his grace... It is a kindness when he strips us of self-reliance, because it is there, in our emptiness and brokenness, that we experience the privilege of his sustaining grace. It is only when we arrive at that dreaded place of weakness that we discover the surpassing power of Christ. It is only when we are finally freed from those oh-so-constricting straightjackets of self-righteousness that we are able to experience the true comfort and warmth of the robes of his righteousness." (Give Them Grace)

So the next time I'm behind that mother in the grocery store, I want to be patient and remember that I fail, too. I want to give her an encouraging word, rather than an irritated glare. And the next time I AM her, I want to rejoice that I've been counted righteous in Christ, despite my inability to keep the kids in check. He alone is strong, He alone never fails, He alone is always faithful, and His grace is with me in my weakness.

Hope and Help for the Trials of Motherhood: In Conclusion

A Father's Dominion


"Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.  Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.  Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen." (1 Peter 5:5-11)


Motherhood is hard. It is full of little daily trials - bickering children, runny noses, spilled milk, stains on a freshly-laundered shirt, fatigue. It is also often full of bigger, harder trials - Christmas Day trips to the ER, car accidents, rebellious children, severe financial stresses, breast cancer, miscarriages, deaths in the family.


But how thankful we can be that in the midst of all these trials, we serve the God who is King over the universe, Ruler of the nations, Sovereign over every detail - big and small - of our lives! How thankful we should be that we are not in control, that our good does not depend on us but rather sits on the shoulders of the Governor of all the earth.


1 Peter 5:5-11 was written to give hope and help to suffering Christians, and it is no mistake that Peter ends this passage with a doxology praising God for His dominion, His sovereignty, His eternal kingship.


It is God's kingship that informs every promise of 1 Peter 5, and it is God's kingship that should motivate us to obey every command of 1 Peter 5.


We seek to submit to those in leadership over us - both in the church and in our home - because we know that they are in those positions of leadership by the sovereign placement of God. We do not proudly trust our own understanding, but listen to their wisdom because we trust that God uses His leaders in carrying out His plans for us.


We desire to be humble in share our struggles and needs with other believers, serving them and allowing them to serve us, because we acknowledge that we are not in control; we are not the rulers of our lives. We are not proud, because the King of the Universe opposes the proud, but gives grace to those who are humble, and we desperately need the grace of our Sovereign Lord. And God has ordained to give us grace through His Body when we humbly share our lives with them.


We are content under the mighty hand of God`s kingship, because we know that in His sovereignty, He dispenses both trials and blessings to work out His good plan for our lives. We do not assert an ability to decide what is best for us, but rather joyfully entrust both our pleasant days and our excruciating days to the Mighty King of all.


We are not anxious about anything, but in everything present our requests to Him who sits on the throne, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving that He is sovereignly working all things to our good. We need not be anxious, because our lives are not under our control, but under the control of the powerful King who cares for us.


We are alert to the devil`s prowling, fully aware that he opposes the reign of our King and would like nothing better than to destroy His kingdom and people. But we have a confident alertness because we know that our King has already won the victory over Satan, and that Satan must submit to His authority. We resist the devil, firm in our faith in the Master of all things.


We are comforted by the fellowship of suffering with other believers, thankful that our caring Sovereign has not left us to manage this world and the devil on our own as individuals, but is building a kingdom of comforted sufferers who work together by His Spirit to build each other up in Christ.


We are full of hope in all circumstances because our eternal future is in the hands of the Ruler of history who has called us and promised to wipe every tear from our eyes as He restores, confirms, strengthens and establishes us in His eternal glory in Christ.


God's hope for every mother is much more than a life of enduring, grinding existence until her sad life is done and she goes to her grave. Much more! And 1 Peter 5 gives us wisdom to walk in and hope to cling to, so that we can be joy-filled, humble, confident, loving, serving mothers who glorify our God and Saviour, to whom be the dominion forever and ever. Amen!