Two Perspectives on Parenting

Stephen Altrogge has an interesting money-making idea. He wants to gather all the parenting gurus into one space, and then have parents pay a dollar each to be allowed to slap every one of these authors in the face. He's pretty sure it would make him some serious bank, because haven't most of us wanted just such an opportunity at some point (or many points) in our parenting? Of course, he doesn't really mean it (I think?!); in his hilarious essay The Inmates Are Running the Asylumin the new book of the same title, he does give credit to the wisdom of many books on parenting. But this essay got me to thinking about the helpfulness of having two different perspectives in our life as parents (and really, in any sphere of life).

We were once part of a wonderful church community that was full of young parents. It seemed like everyone had kids the same ages as ours. Our kids had multiple options for playmates; we had people with whom we could swap date-night childcare; when the going was tough, friends would readily weep with you because the memories of similar struggles were so very fresh in their minds. We had all the sympathy in the world. But when we didn't know what to do in a parenting situation, we often had very little help (not never, just often). Even the "older" parents were only a couple years ahead, and often, questions were answered with either, "I have no idea what to tell you because we're struggling with the same thing right now" or "Well, this book I read says..." When we lacked wisdom on an issue where there was no clear biblical directive, we needed parents with a proven track-record who could share what had worked and what hadn't. And while the books were helpful, we longed for some real-life next-door-neighbour kind of wisdom from people who knew us and our kids and our situation.

After several years, we moved to another city and were part of another wonderful church community. And this time, there were multiple parents with years and years of parenting experience behind them. When we had a question, there were many trusted people we could ask, and the answers we received were genuinely insightful and helpful. I read fewer parenting books during that time because the information I was looking for was readily available at our church from people who DID know us and our kids and our situation. But for a while, we were one of the only young families in the church, and this brought with it struggles of its own. Suddenly, we felt like we had all the wisdom in the world at our fingertips, and not so much in the way of real-time sympathy. I don't mean to say that these dear friends weren't gracious or caring, or that they didn't remember anything about having small children. They were incredibly so, and they did. But there is something different about not only having people who have walked the road you're on, but who are walking it alongside you RIGHT NOW. We were so grateful for all the wisdom, and yet longed for other young parents who were feeling enough of the insanity of parenting at that moment that they could assure us that we weren't totally crazy ourselves.

Where I've Been and Where We're Going

Well, I am still alive, though possibly buried under a pile of boxes... But I thought it was time I dug myself out long enough to give a little update on what we're up to (and why I've been MIA lately, and probably still will be for at least a few more weeks). Many of you who know us personally will have heard this already, but I figured it was time to fill in everyone who has only heard rumblings on this blog or on Facebook.

For the last 6 years, we've been part of a great church family at Sovereign Grace Church Toronto in King City, Ontario. We love this group dearly, and have learned and benefitted much from them over the years. We're grateful for the faithful, wise, biblical teaching of Tim Kerr and others. We're so thankful for the example of godly fellowship we've observed and been a part of, the gracious way others have challenged us, offered true wisdom and encouraged us, as well as the way many have so graciously accepted input from us. We've been greatly blessed by the generosity of this people, and so many of the times in the last 6 years that we've had huge needs miraculously met, God has used these dear people to meet them. And now, although we are sad to leave, we sincerely appreciate their generosity in sending us out on a new mission and adventure!

Last June, our pastor told us about a brand new church planting effort just getting underway in Liberty Village, Toronto. He was aware that we have long had a desire to be back in the city (after 5 years out in rural Ontario), and wanted to help his friend, Darryl Dash, who was heading up this plant and looking for people to be involved. This was admittedly a little out of the blue for us, as we had no real intentions at that point to make such a change in the very near future. We spent the next 6 months wrestling through questions of where God was leading us, getting to know this new little group a bit, and seeking advice from family and a few close friends. In January, in the midst of getting back into the school year, cleaning up after puppies and whatever else we were up to that I can no longer recall (but which at the time seemed to be pushing me toward the mad house), Nathan and Darryl met for lunch, then went to a church planting conference together, and we made a decision to really begin pursuing involvement at Liberty Grace Church. Within the month we realized that if we were going to do this, living 45 minutes north of the city (when the church is almost as downtown as you can get) was not going to be practical or effective for very long. So as we were shooing the last of the puppies off to their new homes, we were starting to look at house listings in Toronto. The absurdly high cost of living in the city was very discouraging (as was the shortage of 3 bedroom places in Liberty Village), but every single one of the many people we sought for counsel was excited and encouraging, and so we began to pray that if this was, in fact, the move we were to make, that God would once again miraculously provide--both a place to live and the finances to pay for it.

Well, the long and the short of it is that He has, yet again, done more than we asked for, and has not only provided what we need for at least the next 6 months' living expenses, but also a townhouse-style condo that is in the same complex as Darryl Dash and his wife, Charlene (we will literally be able to yell at them from our balcony). This is great for fellowship, and ideal for the kind of community/relationship-building outreach that Liberty Grace is pursuing.

So in a very quickly passing 11 days, we say good-bye to the fields and the quiet (and the slow internet) of the Ontario Greenbelt, and move what's left of our stuff into a 3-story city condo. We love the city, we love the people of the city, and we're excited (and a little terrified) to be a part of what God is doing in Liberty Village, but it's going to be a big adjustment, especially for the kids (and therefore for us, too!). So we'd really appreciate your prayers for us as we make this move.

As soon as I have a chance, I want to write more about Liberty Grace Church and the desire to reach Liberty Village with the gospel, but right now, I need to clear a path through the boxes to my bed.
I'll peep out again one of these days!

Moving The Introvert Walls

A couple weeks ago, I read an interesting and helpful blog post about introverts and evangelism by Seth McBee. Whether you're an extrovert or an introvert, it's worth a read, and you can find it here. The basic point of the post is that introverts shouldn't be expected to evangelise in the same way as extroverts, on whose personality many common evangelism methods are based, and should rather be encouraged to share the gospel in ways that are more tailored to their quieter, more backstage personalities. I've had first-hand observation of how an introvert can be very effective at sharing Christ with others in quieter ways: my mother was, is and likely always will be the epitome of "introverted", but that hasn't stopped her from obeying Jesus' command to go and make disciples. My dad, who is the extrovert, is great at striking up a conversation with just about anyone and quickly drawing them in. But my mother keeps their home open to all the people he brings in, serving them with good food and a pleasant atmosphere, and as she gets to know people, she has a quiet way of bring the wisdom and good news of Scripture to bear on their lives. I know several people who would say that it was as much my mother's hospitality and careful quiet words that brought them to Christ as it was my father's invitation and loud gospel proclamation. So I agree whole-heartedly with this post.

But as an introvert, I want to follow it up with a challenge for all my introverted friends. Because it is not the main point of his post, it is easy to gloss over McBee's caution that we not use our introverted personality as a crutch. As I've seen in my own life though, I think we ARE often guilty of using our introversion as an excuse to go hide in our room, or to remain a "silent cleaning assassin" our whole life long and never go beyond that. We introverts need time away from people to rejuvenate. There's nothing sinful about that; it's part of our God-ordained personality. But it is very easy for us to want that too much. I am so often like the Pharisees: in the interests of staying within the confines of the law, they developed many extra rules and traditions around each point of the law to make sure they didn't come close to breaking any of God's actual commands. I do the same with my personality--I know I need quiet time by myself to rest, so to make sure I get enough, I build a personal space wall that is far higher and farther out than I truly need. You know, just to make sure... And pretty soon, I start believing that the far-out spacing of those walls is what I really do need to function. I become more and more selfish with my time and space, and justify it by my personality.

I'm discovering lately though, that while my fundamental need for "alone time" hasn't changed, I don't need anywhere near as much as I thought I did. And I'm actually capable of talking to people I don't know very well, and being open with them. We've been around more people in the last couple months than I ever thought possible, and not only am I still functioning, but (in the interest of full disclosure), I'm actually enjoying getting to know lots of new people and opening our lives to them. Yes, I've had days here and there when I really feel the need to tune out and have some quiet, to be in my own head space for a nice long while. But most days, little snatches of peace here and there have been enough to sustain me. And you're talking to the girl who was just reminded the other night of how someone we lived with for a few months (in the same house) figured really getting to know me was a lost cause because I was so good at keeping to myself the whole time!

I'm challenging myself, and all you introverted folks out there, to question our wall-placement. Are we guarding our time and our tongue more than necessary? Are we willing to sacrifice personal space to love others and see many know Christ? What is more important to us: that we function in a way that is always comfortable and convenient to us, or that lost and hurting people feel our care and hear the good news we have to offer? I'm not asking us to morph into extroverts. I'm not asking us to completely forsake quiet rejuvenation--we do need that to function and be better able to care for others. I'm not asking us to be the babbling brooks in the midst of a crowd. I'm not asking us to go stand on a soapbox in the town square and preach to a bunch of total strangers. Not today, anyway. But I am asking us to examine our reasons for remaining hidden and silent, and to look for ways that we can move our walls closer in and lower down, to push ourselves to serve others and speak into their lives even when we did it yesterday. Or this morning. Or when they are a complete stranger.

Yes, we are given different personality strengths from extroverts, and we should use our bent toward reflection, quiet service and one-on-one communication to God's glory, working alongside our extroverted brothers and sisters as one body with many different members. Yet there is also joy to be found in stretching and pushing and sometimes serving out of our weaknesses. And let's face it, folks: there is a definite weakness in having a personality that pushes us away from people. (Not just knocking the introvert here; extroverts have their own weaknesses.) But here is an opportunity to know God's strength perfected in our weakness. We will not always feel fully functional and refreshed when we are embracing the call to hospitality and evangelism. We may occasionally feel like we just can't sustain one more hour with people. But that is a place where God's grace and power have the chance to shine, carrying us through and holding us up when we know we have no more energy of our own. Any grace I've had these past few months to go on joyfully interacting with people when that seems like all I'm doing all the time has been exactly that: GRACE! And so here is not a new law, but rather a new chance to see God's sustaining grace at work in your life.

Start by being a cleaning assassin for Jesus. Be an introverted evangelist, and by God's grace, excel at it. But also allow God to move your walls in, to perforate them and even tear them down when they are in the way of reaching others with his grace, because in so doing, you'll allow more room for his grace in your own life.

Not As Those Who Have No Hope!

I have a 5 year old and a 7 year old, and I cannot imagine what it would be like to send them off to school one morning and find out a short time later that they had been gunned down in their classroom. The thought literally makes me feel ill. And so I grieve for the parents in Newtown, Connecticut who faced such a horrible tragedy last Friday, and who will spend this Christmas--and likely many others--weeping over the loss of their little ones. Gifts already purchased with no one to receive them, plans already made with no one to take along, empty beds with no one to kiss goodnight... this is every parent's worst nightmare.

And yet, this is exactly what God the Father did in love one Christmas two thousand years ago. He sent his Son off into our world as an infant, a child just like our little ones, and he did it not unsuspectingly, but knowing full-well that his Son would be hated, rejected and put to death on a horrid cross though he was completely innocent, having committed no sin, being crucified for no good reason (on the part of the murderers) other than their jealousy, anger, self-righteousness and amusement. He bore the grief of a bereaved parent; he knows the agony of losing an innocent child. He sympathises in complete understanding with every parent who has ever lost or will ever lose a child.

But because of this very sacrifice, we do not mourn as those who have no hope. Because of Jesus' death on our behalf, for our sins, we who believe gain the right to become children of God! And because Jesus not only died, but conquered that terrible enemy Death when he rose again on the third day, we who believe will never truly die. Death no longer has dominion over us because we are forever fully alive in Christ!

I don't know the reason for Friday's events. Only God does. But I do know that the death of every person on this planet--tragic or not--points to our desperate need for a Saviour who will come to rescue us from the awful curse of sin. And Christmas points to the joyous news that this Saviour has actually come and that he has broken the curse of death by his resurrection from the dead, so that we can indeed say, "Death is swallowed up in victory; O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?"

As I celebrate Christmas this year, with my 2, 5, 7 and 8 year olds happily sitting around the tree--Lord willing--I will mourn with the families in Newtown who are mourning, and at the very same time, rejoice in the fact that Jesus' birth was the ushering in of a new hope that signals the end of all such tragedies, all such searches for meaning and answers, all such evil and death.

So sing loudly with us this Christmas, "Joy to the world; the Lord has come! Let earth receive her king...No more let sins and sorrows grow, nor thorns infest the ground. He comes to make his blessing known far as the curse is found!"

Hallelujah! Come Lord Jesus!

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.

They shall build up the ancient ruins;
they shall raise up the former devastations;
they shall repair the ruined cities,
the devastations of many generations.

Strangers shall stand and tend your flocks;
foreigners shall be your plowmen and vinedressers;
but you shall be called the priests of the Lord;
they shall speak of you as the ministers of our God;
you shall eat the wealth of the nations,
and in their glory you shall boast.
Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion;
instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot;
therefore in their land they shall possess a double portion;
they shall have everlasting joy.

 

For I the Lord love justice;
I hate robbery and wrong;
I will faithfully give them their recompense,
and I will make an everlasting covenant with them.

Their offspring shall be known among the nations,
and their descendants in the midst of the peoples;
all who see them shall acknowledge them, that they are an offspring the Lord has blessed.

 

I will greatly rejoice in the Lord;
my soul shall exult in my God,
for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation;
he has covered me with the robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
For as the earth brings forth its sprouts,
and as a garden causes what is sown in it to sprout up,
so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise
to sprout up before all the nations.

(Isaiah 61)

______________________________________________________________________

A few of the multitude of really good links related to Newtown, if you haven't seen them already:

School Shootings and Spiritual Warfare: Russell Moore on who the real enemy is in this

And Slew the Little Childer and follow-up post That Will Be Soon Enough, both by Douglas Wilson on what (and what not) to say immediately following horrific events like this...

Faces Do you know that on the same day 27 innocent people died in Newtown, 30 children in China were injured in a random, but apparently not unprecedented, attack by a knife-wielding man? And helpless children and others around the world face these horrors on a sometimes daily basis... Having seen some of the effects of such carnage in Rwanda several years ago, I appreciated this post from Tanzania.

The Desiring God blog also has a whole host of good links, some specifically about Newtown, others about suffering in general, among them How Jesus Comes to Newtown and a video version of John Piper reading his relevant poem The Innkeeper.

A Few Good Links

Lots of good stuff on the web this week! Some blog posts I've enjoyed and found helpful have been:

What Does Your Worship Say About God: "We should worship like rich people! Because we are. We’ve been given every spiritual blessing in Christ! We should sing with more enthusiasm than if we just found out we won the lottery." Good (and convicting) post from Mark Altrogge.

Profound Humility: Not ours, but God's. Joanne Kerr quotes Bruce Ware on the humility of God the Father.

Catechism--With OUR Kids? This is a good, honest article from Kathy Keller on the benefits of teaching your kids catechism questions. I wholeheartedly agree with her--we're already seeing some good come out of the work the older kids have done on the Catechism for Boys and Girls (I can't find the version we use online, but this one is very similar). It also reminded me that we haven't worked on it for a while :) And if you have an iPad, there's a free app for a catechism here, too.

Two more posts on the topic of mothers, failure and guilt

The Good News and Mommy's No-Good, Very-Bad Day: Gloria Furman writes about dealing with those days when Mom's the one "having the afternoon meltdown". Can't say I've ever been there... ;)

After Awful Errands: In a similar vein, with a different spin, Carolyn Mahaney has wise words for those rough days.

Finally, if you live in the States, or can order from amazon.com, The Big Picture Story Bible is on sale for the next day or so for a really good price. We've loved this book for giving our young kids a good overview of biblical theology, and they love the pictures. If you can't take advantage of this sale, it's worth the full price, too.

Mom Guilt

If you are a mom, I have a question for you: Did you at any point in the last 24 hours feel some measure of guilt about your mothering ability? If so, you are not alone. Almost every mother I've ever known (including me) seems to struggle, at least at some points, with feeling like she doesn't do enough, or she does too much, or she's somehow messing up her children by her inadequacies and sin. Between the desire to prove to their working peers that stay-at-home moms are doing something worthwhile with their days (or to prove to their "full-time mom" friends that working moms actually care for their kids, too) and the inundation of beautiful, creative, time-consuming ideas flooding Facebook, Pinterest and the blogosphere, I'm pretty convinced that the mothers of our generation spend a lot of time straining under the burden of the guilt of not measuring up. Stephen Altrogge at The Blazing Center wrote a post about this last week, and I think what he has to say is helpful. He boils the biblical responsibility of mothering down to 3 things: love God, love your husband, and love your kids by training them in the ways of the Lord. Cake-decorating, homeschooling and hand-stitching their Christmas outfits are not on the list. 

But my concern is that, for Christian mothers who desire to glorify God and live out their faith, there is a source of guilt beyond how many crafts we do or whether we let our kids watch TV, and it is far more subtle. It is the guilt of not always training our children in the ways of the Lord, of not always loving our husbands, of not always delighting in God. If you are a mother who deeply desires to obey the Word, to see your children following the Lord, and to do all things, as much as possible, in a biblical way, it is very easy to become steeped in guilt when you see all the many places where you don't measure up to the standards of the Bible. This guilt may be worldly--your pride may be hurt because you don't manage to read your 4-year-old a chapter of the Bible each day (or even a verse). You may be anxious about the effects of your sin and neglect on the ability of your kids to be productive members of society, or to answer the questions correctly in Sunday School. You may fear that God will punish you for your failings by turning your children away from him. Or your guilt may be godly--you realize that when you fail as a mother, you sin primarily against a Holy God and are truly saddened by the fact that you have not obeyed the commands of your loving Father and have grieved the Holy Spirit. But either way, the guilt must be dealt with. Here are three things I need to think about when I begin to feel that "mom guilt" creeping in (or exploding with a bang!):

1) Am I feeling guilty for worldly reasons, or godly ones? Moms, if we are sitting under a weight of guilt because of pride or anxiety or fear, then our first need is to recognize that our sin is not mainly about US and our self-esteem, or about our relationship with our kids. The God of heaven is holy, and he has commanded us to be holy as he is holy (1 Peter 1:14-16). Any failure in our parenting shows that we do not measure up to his standard of holiness. Our sin is not first and foremost about being a bad parent; it's about sinning against the perfect God of love. If I realize that I'm just concerned about my reputation or the consequences of my actions, I need to pray for the grace to see my sin for what it is: an offense to the God of Holiness. I need to pray for the Spirit's work to lead me to genuine sorrow for my SIN, and not just for its effects. (see 2 Corinthians 7:8-12)

2) Am I feeling guilty over actual sin, or am I merely failing man's standard of righteousness? Christian moms today can choose from a wealth of books and blogs on how to parent in a godly way. Some of these books appeal directly to biblical truth and wisdom; others are really just man's wisdom cloaked in proof verses; some are a mix of the two. (And some may contain little real "wisdom" at all.) It is easy for the mother who earnestly desires to raise her children in a biblical way to hear wisdom principles from respected writers and speakers (and other mothers) and become convinced that these principles are biblical commands. We moms love to have a nice little checklist of "how to get Amy to sit still in church" or "how to train Johnny to serve others" and especially "how to get any kid to obey". And sometimes such a checklist is very helpful. Human wisdom certainly has an important place in parenting. But while the Bible doesn't answer any of these questions with a 5-step make-or-break program, we are sometimes quick to take a wise Christian's practical advice on the matter and turn it into law. Then, when we break this "law", we feel guilty. We may truly feel that we have sinned against God. So when I feel guilty over a presence or lack of something in my mothering, I may need to search the Scriptures (with prayer) to see if what I believe to be biblical really is biblical, and not just the respectable personal opinion of another human. Sometimes the answer is very clear. If I never speak about God or his ways to my children, I am clearly failing to obey the Bible (Deut. 6:4-8, among many others). Other times, it takes greater discernment. Keeping a regular schedule during the day may be a very wise thing to do, but while the Bible speaks to the goodness of order and regular times of work and rest, if you have a few days where the whole routine goes down the drain, you have not sinned (at least not necessarily--the cause of the disruption may involve sin, but the actual change in routine is neutral territory). So make sure your guilt really pertains to sin. If it's just a matter of someone else's wisdom, that would be the place to relax, and thank God that only he determines what is sin and what is not.

3) Now if my guilt is over real sin, then I must not stay there. It is time to repent, to confess my sin to God to seek, by the work of the Spirit, to turn away from my sin, and to appropriate God's forgiveness. I may also need to confess my sin to my children (and/or husband) and ask for their forgiveness. And here is where "mom guilt" ends. The glorious truth in all this is that the mother who truly repents has no more reason to sit under the burden of guilt. In fact, she MUST NOT! The repentant mother is FREE from her sin, because the Bible promises that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). Every mother--and indeed, every Christian--should memorize verses like that (just my wisdom, though!). Yes, there are mothers who are lazy about their parenting, though to be honest, I've met very few (see also this article from the Gospel Coalition.). Yes, sin is real, parental failure is real, and its effects on our children are real. But if we sit under the weight of that sin even after we have repented before God, if we allow ourselves to believe that it's all over and we're lost (or our kids are lost) because we blew it, if we refuse to believe that God can really forgive THAT sin, then we've made God too small in our eyes. God is greater than ALL our sin, and his grace is more than sufficient to cover even the worst sin and failure. Mothers, Jesus bore the awful weight of the cross so that you wouldn't have to bear the guilty weight of your sin. God would actually be unjust to hold our sin against us, because the penalty has already been paid once and for all by Jesus. If you are guilty over your sin today, run to Jesus. If you are broken over the way you've failed your kids, run to Jesus. If you can't see your way out of your parenting mistakes, run to Jesus. We do not have a high priest who stands over us with the law, burdening us with the guilt of our mothering failures, holding our children hostage until we "get it right". We have a high priest "who has been tempted in every way, just as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:15,16)

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." (Romans 8:1-4)

Be free, Christian mothers! Be free from the guilt of not making enough beautiful birthday cakes for your kids, free from the guilt of not teaching them all their letters before they go off to kindergarten, free from the guilt of never having time or energy (or insanity) for fingerpainting. And as you repent, be free from the guilt of forgetting to go over their memory verses, free from the guilt of spending too much time on the internet instead of praying for them, free from the guilt of disciplining in anger, free from the guilt of every sin that has been paid for at the cross (and for those who are in Christ, that is every single one!). Sin is serious and we must run from it. But God's grace at the cross is serious, too, and we must run to it. 

Are you running toward freedom today? Let's run to Christ and be free from our mom guilt!

Off the Grid/On the Bookshelf

Well, it's been back-to-school week here after a nice long weekend up at the cottage. We had a great time hanging out with an old friend of mine and her new husband (and the kids thoroughly enjoyed playing with her daughter), and also getting to know a few members of my brother-in-law-to-be's upcoming wedding party. There were about 20 people up there on Saturday (thankful for a larger space and great weather!) and various somewhat smaller amounts on Friday and Sunday, which was a lot of fun, but not exactly the best environment for burying yourself in a book (unless you're an introvert like me, in which case, you at least try to steal a few quiet minutes in a corner by yourself with your nose in a good read)! I can't complain: it was great to have some deep and very encouraging conversations, eat some tasty food, spend time oscillating between cool swims and the warm sunshine of the dock or deck and--as often happens--come home more tired than when I left :)

In the calmer, less-populated hours of the weekend, I did manage to dig into a couple books. Here's what has been on my nightstand (or in my suitcase) over the last few weeks:

Acts: Having finished Genesis, I started reading through Acts, mainly for the purpose of reading through the many sermons there and seeing how the apostles connected the stories and people of the Old Testament (some of whom I'd just read about) to the gospel of Jesus Christ in the New Testament. Of course, I'm also thinking about the early church and God's activity there. Perhaps more on that later, if I can clear out my blogging backlog!

Rescuing Ambition by Dave Harvey: Is ambition a bad word in your mind? Or do you spend a lot of time pursuing your own ends (whatever they may be)? Do you ever struggle with your own mixed motives in the things you do? My answer to all of those questions was "yes", so I figured it would be a good idea to read this book that's been sitting around our house for a year or so. And I was right--this very readable, often humorous and very insightful book works its way through defining sinful ambition, godly ambition, the risks and rewards involved in ambition, what to do when ambition fails, how to be ambitious for your local church and a few other relevant topics, all with practical illustrations and in a gospel-centred manner. I feel like I've come away with at least the head knowledge to better discern between self-centred and God-centred ambition in my own life, and with a greater desire to be willing to risk whatever necessary to see God's glory spread in my home, my local area and across the world. I highly recommend this one!

The Heart of Anger: Practical Help for the Prevention and Cure of Anger in Childrenby Lou Priolo: I'm not terribly far into this Biblical-counseling book on how to deal with angry children (and their parents!), but it's already been a great help in seeing areas in my parenting where I've been wrong and/or need to grow, and given me some ideas of how to help and instruct my angry child(ren). This book is intensely practical, easy to understand, and contains a lot of wisdom on growing in godly relationships. This book deals very frankly with parental sin and children's sin, and seeks to facilitate specific growth and change. It is also very clear that these changes are only possible (but in fact, ARE possible) by God's grace. A friend with a similarly-temperamented child recommended this book to me years ago, and I wish I'd heeded her recommendation and read it sooner. At any rate, I am reading it now, and so far, would readily recommend it to anyone concerned about their, or their children's, anger.

Deadlineby Randy Alcorn: Yes, I'm reading the first book of Alcorn's trilogy after I read the third one. They are not so heavily connected that you need to read them in order, and I had the other one before I got this one. The storyline of this murder mystery is very interesting, and I'm pretty gripped. The book is about a journalist investigating the murder of his friends, one of whom was something of an abortion-promoting doctor (but did the pro-lifers do it??), and there are several moving sections in it about the ravages of abortion, as well as hope for those who've been involved in abortions. It also deals with the issue of journalistic integrity. I will be honest: there are a few short sections that I've found a bit, well, tedious, for lack of a better word. One of the subplots of the book is the other friend's experience in heaven, and there are sections in which he is instructed on life in heaven by his angelic guardian. Some of these (especially earlier on in the book) seem to me to be a bit too didactic and slow-paced for the murder mystery genre. Also, having read several other Alcorn books, including his non-fiction Heaven (which I recommend), the heavenly sections here are often repeats of similar things in the other books. I personally thought the writing in Deception (with its more sporadic, less speculative heavenly scenes) flowed better than in this book, and kept the suspense up to a page-turner level. Just being honest! But on the whole, it's a very good book, it fills in some of the back stories of characters from Deception, and if you're not familiar with Alcorn's writings on heaven, you may find quite a bit here to think about--it's not just white robes, harps and sitting endlessly on the clouds :)

Charlie And The Chocolate Factory Cd (Unabridged)by Roald Dahl: Okay, I haven't read this one recently. But we DID listen to it on audiobook on the way to and from the cottage. Dahl can be a little cynical and the parents in his books are often nitwits, which may not have the best influence on impressionable grade-schoolers who are already tempted to think their parents aren't quite with it. But in this book, gluttony, greed, laziness and bad manners are shown to be the destructive things that they are, whether practiced by children or adults, and the humble, generous child and his family get the final rewards (oops... retroactive spoiler alert if you didn't already read this as a kid!). Some moral lessons worth discussing with the kids include the negative appearance and effects of disrespectful behaviour and disdain for authority. Also, Dahl's caricatures and dry wit are hilarious, and while our older two kids love this book, it was Nathan and I who laughed out loud more often than they did.

Now that we're back in school mode, I anticipate that the majority of my reading will be school-related, and of little interest to the general public. But I am hoping to dig into the two commentaries on Exodus that just arrived in the mail today, as well as The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God, The Hole in Our Holiness: Filling the Gap between Gospel Passion and the Pursuit of Godlinessand           Dominionin the coming months. Stay tuned.

Wise Words from Girltalk

This post by Carolyn Mahaney on priorities in mothering was very encouraging to me. I love my kids, and I love to read to them and answer their questions and sometimes even make a mess in the kitchen with them, but I've never been much of one for being down and dirty on the floor driving trucks all over the basement. Sometimes I feel guilty when I read things about putting down the housework and climbing into the sandbox, because I don't like to live in chaos, and I don't like to play in sand (or clean it up later!). But mothering is not all about the kids and their playtime needs. It's also about taking care of their need for organization, for security, for training, for a mother whose heart is quiet and delighting in Christ, for a mother who loves and serves her husband. Come to think of it, my own mother was not a floor-player either--at least from what I remember, but she was always there, she ran our home well, and we knew she loved my dad and Jesus. And we love her for it!

Off the Grid/On the Bookshelf

I just got back from 4 lovely days up north at my parents' new cottage, along with Nathan, the kids, my parents, one of my sisters and her fiance. At the old cottage, that probably would have been a rather stressful weekend for this introverted, quiet-seeking girl, but thankfully, the new one has more space inside, and a park and beach next door that kept the kids occupied pretty constantly. The weather was great - mostly hot and sunny, which meant lots of swimming, with one rain day thrown in for some down time inside. And since we had no internet, no cell phone (do it sometime--it's fantastic!) and my brain was drug-free (the only way to survive stays at the previous cottage was to inundate my system with allergy meds), I was able to do a lot of reading. So with that in mind, here's some of what's been on my reading list lately:

Genesis: I'm reading a chapter a day, learning a lot about God and the Gospel from this Old Testament book. More on that shortly...

Lit!: A Christian Guide to Reading Booksby Tony Reinke: I just finished this book about a week ago. If you like to read, or if you want to like to read, or if you want to know some reasons why you should want to like to read, this book on what and why and how to read all kinds of books as a Christian is very helpful. It's very down-to-earth and easy to understand. And Mr. Reinke would be happy to know that all the other books I'm reading right now have a lot more ink in them because of him (I had hoped to do some writing at the cottage, but the only writing I did was in the margins of my books).

According To Plan: The Unfolding Revelation Of God InThe Bibleby Graeme Goldsworthy: This is a book recommended to me by my husband, Nathan, on how to read and understand the whole Bible in light of Jesus and His gospel, and although the writing style is sometimes a bit choppy, and sometimes needs more than one read-through for understanding, the content is excellent and has been a great aid to me already as I work my way through Genesis. I'm sure you'll see some quotes from this book on this blog in the coming weeks.

TOGETHER: Growing Appetites for Godby Carrie Ward: This little book that I read in one day (granted, it was at the cottage with few other responsibilities) is one woman's testimony of how she cultivated the habit and delight of reading God's Word daily by reading the whole Bible together with her then preschool-aged kids at the breakfast table over the course of 5 years (and then went back and did it twice more). I didn't really read anything here that I'd never heard before, but it DID encourage me to continue to nurture a love for God's Word in myself, and to work at putting aside less important things to get my kids in the Word more regularly, too. And if you're someone who really struggles with having a consistent Bible-reading time, you may find some helpful, gracious ideas in this book. You may also like her blog.

Deceptionby Randy Alcorn: a murder mystery by a good Christian fiction (and excellent non-fiction) writer... I can't tell you any more about this one, because that would take time, and I have to find out what happens next, and it's killing me! So I'd rather go bury my nose in it again. I'll see you on the other side of 400-odd pages!

Stewarding our Internet Time

Have you ever added up the time in one day that you spend on the internet for non-work purposes? I'll admit that I haven't, either. But my guess is that if I did, it wouldn't always be information I'd like to see written up in public. We live in a culture where popping in and out of the World Wide Web all day long (or even being tied to it all day long) is the norm. When your phone sends you automatic email, Facebook and Twitter updates, and you have non-stop access to Youtube and your favourite websites and blogs (including this one, of course!), it's easy to be in constant communication with the internet. Even if you're a bit of a relic like me and don't have a cell phone with a data package (or even a cell phone), the internet calls you all day long. "Pssst... I'm your inbox. Why don't you give me a quick check in case something new is in?" "Hey there, you haven't checked Facebook in at least 30 minutes... What if some friend has posted some incredible news and you're not in the loop yet?!" "You've worked hard at that job for a good hour. A nice Youtube break will help you rejuvenate!"

Yes, we live in the internet age, and surfing is a way of life.

But is it helping us?

I'm not here to say that the internet is evil, that Facebook is a total waste of time, that Pinterest is completely useless. I am thankful that we have quick access to information and the ability to communicate easily with people who live very far away from us. I am often encouraged, convicted and spurred on to greater faith by blog posts that I read, and I praise God for using the writings of people I would not otherwise have contact with to point me to Him. Being able to answer one of those impossible "why" questions of a 7-year-old is a lot easier with a quick search on Google. But I need to be careful how I use these things, or the drawbacks will quickly outweigh the blessings.

Over the last several months, I've spent a fair bit of time examining and cleaning up my internet usage (though I still have plenty of room for growth!), and was about to blog some of my thoughts on it, but before I had a chance, Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Whitacre started a series of posts on GirlTalk about examining your internet consumption, so I'd suggest you go read what they have to say in the way of really helpful questions to ask yourself (start at the bottom of the page for the first post and then scroll up to read them in order), and then I'd like to just take a couple posts to mention some practical things I've done or am doing to help steward my web use. And if you have some of your own, I'd love to hear them, too!

Friday Miscellanea

It's been a busy week, with not much time for writing. We're in the last big push for school, trying to finish up some major projects before the (hopefully) nice downward slide to the end of the year.

Part 7 of Hope and Help is coming on Monday, and there will probably be several follow-up posts next week.

But today, I have just enough time to share a couple helpful links:

Good post on kinds of "guilt" women feel and whether they're legit or not, over at Femina Girls.

If you haven't listened in on any of the sermons from Together for the Gospel 2012, they're all available online, and the ones I've heard have been very good. I especially recommend Kevin DeYoung's message on faith and effort. It has challenged me on to make a real effort to grow in godliness, even as I seek to rest in faith in the power of the Spirit for real change.

We've got books to glue and masks to paint and clay to sculpt today (at least it's all "fun" stuff), so that's it for today. Back on Monday with more in-depth stuff.

Hope and Help for the Trials of Motherhood: Part 6

A Mother's Comfort


"Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world." (1 Peter 5:9)


About a month ago, when I revisited my blog after several years of neglect, I was reading through some old posts, and came across one where I referenced a post about anxiety on the Girltalk Blog that had been encouraging to me. As I clicked on the link and read about the many things in Kristin's mothering that had revealed anxiety in her, I was surprised. When I originally linked to the post back in 2005, the only thing on the list that I could identify with was that we'd both had unborn sons with potential heart issues that turned out to be nothing. But here, in 2012, as I read down the list, I discovered that in the meantime, we also matched up on febrile seizures, concerns over speech delays, and 2 miscarriages (and illness, but can't everyone identify with that?). I could identify with everything on her list. Now it's not a long list, but hey, what are the chances of having such similar issues over 4 kids as another pastor's daughter my age?

Quite good, according to 1 Peter 5:9.

One tactic that the devil tries to use against us is to convince us that we are alone in our struggles, that no one else can really understand, because no one else has every really been there. I mean, sure, motherhood is hard. And mothers struggle with anxiety. But no one else has dealt with my brand of anxiety, right? Mothers can be very proud. But surely no one else struggles with pride over such inane things as I do? If we believe this, it will keep us from humbly sharing our struggles and seeking help. It will make us feel like no one else sins like us, so we must be especially horrible and unable to be saved. It will make us proud that we have endured such things, while others have had such an easy ride. And it will make us question God's care for us, if we think we are the only one burdened this way. But Peter is here to tell us that we need to resist the devil, firm in our faith in God's salvation and kindness, because WE ARE NOT ALONE.

Have you ever thought you were alone in something, and when you finally got up the courage to share it, 3 other people in the room said, "Hey, I thought I was the only one!" That happens to me REGULARLY. So I am learning to believe God's Word when it says that we are NOT the only ones. Believers around the world are faced with all kinds of sins, and all kinds of trials, and none of them are completely unique.

What Peter reminds us of in 1 Peter 5:9 is that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by our brotherhood throughout the world! I want to meditate on this in conjunction with another passage about shared suffering, 2 Corinthians 1:3-7:


"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort."

There are two main things I want to point out from these two passages:

1) What you are suffering is not unique to you. Some mother, somewhere in this world, has faced this trial before, perhaps even down to many of the details. And the chances are very good that someone quite near you has faced something very similar, or is currently facing it, or will face it shortly. In fact, God often places people in the same circles and gives them similar trials, so that they can minister to each other and grow together to trust Him more in the midst of the suffering. In 2 Corinthians, Paul tells the church that he is afflicted for their comfort and salvation. That's not the only reason for affliction, as Paul later says it was also to make him rely on God, but it is certainly one reason. Others have been afflicted so that you may be comforted, and one of the reasons you are afflicted is so that you can share comfort with others.

Sometimes you will find another woman who has already faced the grief of a miscarriage, and she is able to minister to you the lessons she has already learned through that trial and give you wisdom for dealing with it when you have one. Sometimes you will know someone who is also currently parenting a difficult child, and you can comfort each other and encourage each other to press on in forsaking anger and trusting God with that child and your parenting as you walk through it together. And sometimes, you will be the one who has already come through the anxieties of childhood seizures, and you can comfort another woman who is facing it now with the comfort you yourself have received.

But you will not necessarily know who these people are unless you are humble to share your trials with other believers. Most people don't walk around wearing signs that say "I used to find it very hard to submit to my husband", or "I have trouble getting my kids to church on time and it hurts my pride" or "I struggle with anxiety when I don't finish my to-do list". But even the most godly, confident people you know are not immune to struggle and suffering and fighting sin. If you are open about your trials, be they circumstantial or fights with sin (or both!), you will find many people who understand, who have been there, or are there, and who have comfort, exhortation and encouragement to offer.

2) What you are suffering is not unique to mothers. We often run to other mothers for help with struggles that relate to mothering. And there is not necessarily anything wrong with doing so. Often there is practical advice to be found from someone who has already stood in our shoes.  But if we neglect the counsel and prayer of non-mothers just because we don't think they understand, we may be missing out on great wisdom and comfort from those "unlikely sources". Paul says that "no temptation has overtaken you except what is common to man" (1 Corinthians 10:13). And in 2 Corinthians, Paul tells the church that the comfort he and Timothy receive in their afflictions is in order that they can comfort them in any affliction. Paul's afflictions were often related to his traveling all over Asia Minor and facing violent persecution regularly, whereas the Corinthians were primarily dealing with divisions and immorality in the church. But Paul could comfort them in their different afflictions because he knew comfort from God in his own afflictions.

Specific life experience is NOT a qualification for ministering to other believers. If you've been comforted in your trials by the mercy and comfort of God, you are qualified, and called, to extend that comfort to others, whatever their trials may be. Likewise, we can and should be ministered to by others who know God's comfort, whether they are mothers or not. One of the reasons God comforts us in our afflictions is so that we can comfort others, whatever they are going through.

Furthermore, many non-mothers can understand the specific struggle we're going through because they fight the same sins and have the same sorts of trials, even though they differ in the particulars.  While a single woman in your small group may not understand what it is like to pursue hospitality in a chaotic home full of kids (or is that a home full of chaotic kids?), she may very well understand hindrances to hospitality like busyness or anxiety about how the home looks. A young student in your church might not sympathize completely with your desire to have your children appear perfectly mannered and groomed at all times so that everyone will respect your parenting, but s/he is likely to have desires to please others with outward success or actions in schoolwork or other areas. Your middle-aged pastor and father of grown children has never lived the life of a young mother who worries over the sleep of infants, but I bet he's faced anxieties in his life, and he may have some memory, however vague, of helping his wife through the same thing. Your husband is human too, and while he may not fight discontentment when the dinner burns, he probably does fight discontentment when the computer crashes in the middle of a work assignment. And we are missing out if we are unwilling to receive comfort and wisdom from each of these people. The Body of Christ is not an exclusive club for mothers (or fathers, or singles, or families, or certain ethnic groups). It is a body of various kinds of parts all working together to build each other up in love into unity in Christ (Ephesians 4:15-16). This is biblical fellowship, and it is a beautiful thing!

So the next time you struggle with something and are tempted to hide away in despair or pride, thinking you're the only one who's ever felt this way, remember that brothers and sisters all over the world are experiencing the same thing. Remember that they are there to help you, and you are there to help them, so that we may all resist the devil, have much comfort by the mercy of God, and grow up together into Him who is the head of the body which is the Church.

Intermission

Well, some of you may be glad that I'm back to blogging, and others of you are thinking it's more like I'm back with a vengeance! I know the posts have been rather long and deep lately, and if you're getting overwhelmed, I'm here to let you know that it will not be this way every single time you visit. I want to regularly think and write through deeper, more substantial, more important things, both for my own benefit, and for the benefit of anyone who may be helped by my thoughts. But I do occasionally have lighter thoughts, and some of them may be useful, too, either as an opportunity for a laugh, or as practical help for things around the home, or just as assurance for you that you're not alone in your insanity :) If, on the other hand, you're enjoying the long, deep posts, you can be assured that this is not the end of them, just perhaps of the number of them in such a short space of time. I can't keep up that pace and still "look well to the ways of [my] household"!

The current series of posts on 1 Peter 5 is something I've really wanted to get down in writing for a little while now, and I intend to finish it over the next few weeks. I hope the remaining posts (there are 4 more parts coming) will be helpful to you. I know I've found it helpful to think through these things clearly enough to write them out in readable form - it helps me to remember to deal with things like discontentment and anxiety and pride in a more biblical way if I've put it down on paper. If you missed some and want to find them without looking through the archives, here are the links:

    Hope and Help for the Trials of Motherhood: Intro
    Part 1: A Mother's Submission
    Part 2: A Mother's Humility
    Part 3: A Mother's Contentment
         (short posts: On Contentment, Preparing for Contentment, A Prayer for Contentment, Two Last Quotes)
    Part 4: A Mother's Peace
         (short posts: A First Clarification, A Second Clarification)

Next week will be Part 5: A Mother's Fight.

Following the 1 Peter series, my plan is to post something more substantial on Mondays, and let the rest of the week be for good quotes I've found, an encouraging or convicting verse I've read, something a child said that struck me as either funny or profound, and/or any other random thoughts that come to mind. It is my goal to have something to post each Monday, but I give no guarantees on the frequency of posting the rest of the week. If you are interested in getting posting updates and you don't use google reader or some similar program, you can also go to www.facebook/sarahfullerton.blogspot. If you "like" the page, you will get updated links in your news feed.

And finally, an encouraging blog post via Desiring God on remembering eternity while mothering in the mundane can be found here.

That's all the announcements for today :)

A Must-Listen on Biblical Womanhood

Highly, highly recommended to all women: Mark Driscoll's 4-part sermon series on Women and Femininity. If you only have time to listen to one (they're about an hour and 15 minutes each), Women as Homebuilders is especially excellent. They're available for free downloading (as are all of his other sermons). Go to the above link, click Downloads, then Sermons, then Practical Topics, and then Women (kinda complicated, but well-worth the effort!).

On Anxiety

I went to the doctor yesterday for my regular check-up and everything looked good (he IS head-down, which was a concern for a few weeks there), except that the baby's heartbeat was a little lower than it has previously been, and on the low end of average, so the doctor ordered a nonstress test (NST), where they monitor the baby's heartrate and movement for 20 minutes to make sure that the heartra
te goes up when he moves and stays steady when he's not moving. Anyway, I had to sit there for 20 minutes listening to his little heart beat away and click on this button everytime he moved. He passed the test just fine, so the doctor said everything should be okay, but I have to keep a regular check on his kick count (how much he moves in an hour) and go straight to the hospital if it seems irregularly low to me... Of course, the odds are, given his good reaction to the NST, and the fact that he is generally very active, that all is just fine and he just happens to have a slightly lower-than-average heartrate (but still in a normal range), which could indicate that he's on the larger side. But my immediate reaction is to start thinking of all the worst possible scenarios and fear for his life and health and generally become paranoid... Which got me to thinking about a sermon I listened to Monday night that C.J. Mahaney preached during that Washington D.C. sniper stuff a couple years ago... the topic was fear (his church is in the D.C. area) and he was preaching from Psalm 27: "The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?...", as well as Matthew 10:26-33 where Jesus says we are not to fear those who kill the body, but rather the one who can destroy both body and soul in hell, and then goes on to talk about the Father caring for the sparrows and knowing the number of hairs on our head. His point about fearing because of not trusting God's complete sovereignty and providence in our lives was convicting enough before the doctor's appointment! I don't have time to outline all the really good and helpful points he makes in this sermon, but it's a good one, so if you have time, it's well worth a listen...

Also well worth a read on the subject of anxiety, this time specifically in relation to motherhood is this little article by Kristin Chesemore, which I first read sometime last week... Seems to me that God had my reading and listening to these resources well-timed with this last doctor's appointment!:-) So today I've been praying that I would not be finding my comfort in the fact that the medical tests seem to show that all is well, or that the last 24 hours of kick counts have shown him to be as active as ever, but rather in the fact that through Christ, I need no longer live in terror of him who can destroy not only the body but also the soul, and that God is completely sovereign over the life and health of this little boy in my womb, and is working all things for His glory and our good! "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock." (Isaiah 26: 3,4)