Wise Foolishness

Tomorrow is moving day, and it has finally begun to really sink in that this is really happening. So has that feeling of being totally overwhelmed, insufficient and out of our league! The child who has been most excited and supportive of this whole moving process had a meltdown last night, pleading with me to please unsign everything and stay here! This is the point when I become acutely aware of the "foolishness" of what we're about to do. Move our country kids down to Condo Central? Squeeze our 6-member family (plus the dog) into a smaller place (when we've often thought about moving elsewhere for a little extra room)? Sign a lease on an apartment with a rent that, despite being a "deal" for the neighbourhood, is shocking to just about everyone who knows what we're about to pay? And do all this so that we can get to know a bunch of strangers with the hope of seeing the gospel impact their lives? We must be crazy!

That's when I take comfort from 1 Corinthians 1: "For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written, 'I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart.' Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?  For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.  For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men."

We preach a gospel that is foolishness to the world, so why should we not expect many of the actions that accompany that gospel to appear foolish as well? Our hope is not in worldly affluence and success, in having a big yard and fresh air for the kids to play in, enjoying all the comforts of life in our dream home (or at least the closest we can come to it). Our hope is not in having neighbours who are all like us, with 4 kids and a dog (we may end up being the only ones in the neighbourhood!). It's not in having our best life now. So we'll do what is foolish, with all the wisdom that God provides, and rest in His strength and the hope of many saved to eternal life!

The kids and I have been reading a book by a mid-20th century missionary to Iran, and just finished it this Wednesday, shortly after I had my own mini-meltdown in the midst of all this stress. I was so encouraged by the closing words of this book, written by someone who gave up many things to see the gospel spread in a difficult land. They are simple words, ones we've heard many times, but they are worth reminding ourselves of again:

"When Jesus Christ is really living in our hearts, we want him to enter and live also in the hearts of our friends and in the hearts of all the people of the world. And we will do everything we can to make the good news of Christ known to everybody everywhere. It was for this that I went to Iran, and I am most grateful to God for calling me to serve him in that land as a missionary.
If God should tell you to go to some place where people to do not know Christ and to spend your life in making him known and showing his love to them, you should obey with joy. For I know of nothing that you could do with your life that would be better than that. 'For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish by have eternal life.'"

-William McElwee Miller (Tales of Persia: Missionary Stories from Islamic Iran)

Where I've Been and Where We're Going

Well, I am still alive, though possibly buried under a pile of boxes... But I thought it was time I dug myself out long enough to give a little update on what we're up to (and why I've been MIA lately, and probably still will be for at least a few more weeks). Many of you who know us personally will have heard this already, but I figured it was time to fill in everyone who has only heard rumblings on this blog or on Facebook.

For the last 6 years, we've been part of a great church family at Sovereign Grace Church Toronto in King City, Ontario. We love this group dearly, and have learned and benefitted much from them over the years. We're grateful for the faithful, wise, biblical teaching of Tim Kerr and others. We're so thankful for the example of godly fellowship we've observed and been a part of, the gracious way others have challenged us, offered true wisdom and encouraged us, as well as the way many have so graciously accepted input from us. We've been greatly blessed by the generosity of this people, and so many of the times in the last 6 years that we've had huge needs miraculously met, God has used these dear people to meet them. And now, although we are sad to leave, we sincerely appreciate their generosity in sending us out on a new mission and adventure!

Last June, our pastor told us about a brand new church planting effort just getting underway in Liberty Village, Toronto. He was aware that we have long had a desire to be back in the city (after 5 years out in rural Ontario), and wanted to help his friend, Darryl Dash, who was heading up this plant and looking for people to be involved. This was admittedly a little out of the blue for us, as we had no real intentions at that point to make such a change in the very near future. We spent the next 6 months wrestling through questions of where God was leading us, getting to know this new little group a bit, and seeking advice from family and a few close friends. In January, in the midst of getting back into the school year, cleaning up after puppies and whatever else we were up to that I can no longer recall (but which at the time seemed to be pushing me toward the mad house), Nathan and Darryl met for lunch, then went to a church planting conference together, and we made a decision to really begin pursuing involvement at Liberty Grace Church. Within the month we realized that if we were going to do this, living 45 minutes north of the city (when the church is almost as downtown as you can get) was not going to be practical or effective for very long. So as we were shooing the last of the puppies off to their new homes, we were starting to look at house listings in Toronto. The absurdly high cost of living in the city was very discouraging (as was the shortage of 3 bedroom places in Liberty Village), but every single one of the many people we sought for counsel was excited and encouraging, and so we began to pray that if this was, in fact, the move we were to make, that God would once again miraculously provide--both a place to live and the finances to pay for it.

Well, the long and the short of it is that He has, yet again, done more than we asked for, and has not only provided what we need for at least the next 6 months' living expenses, but also a townhouse-style condo that is in the same complex as Darryl Dash and his wife, Charlene (we will literally be able to yell at them from our balcony). This is great for fellowship, and ideal for the kind of community/relationship-building outreach that Liberty Grace is pursuing.

So in a very quickly passing 11 days, we say good-bye to the fields and the quiet (and the slow internet) of the Ontario Greenbelt, and move what's left of our stuff into a 3-story city condo. We love the city, we love the people of the city, and we're excited (and a little terrified) to be a part of what God is doing in Liberty Village, but it's going to be a big adjustment, especially for the kids (and therefore for us, too!). So we'd really appreciate your prayers for us as we make this move.

As soon as I have a chance, I want to write more about Liberty Grace Church and the desire to reach Liberty Village with the gospel, but right now, I need to clear a path through the boxes to my bed.
I'll peep out again one of these days!

When Easter is Dry

The glorious freedom proclaimed by the cross, and the amazing hope of eternal life shouted by the empty tomb are things to be celebrated with tears, loud singing and exuberant joy. And often, these truths bring just such a reaction from my soul. But I'll be honest: this particular Good Friday and Easter Sunday, my emotions didn't cooperate. We're in the middle of a lot of changes and I was tired, physically and emotionally. I spent more of my thoughts on how my two-year-old was behaving during the Good Friday service than on the wonder of my Saviour's death for me. And Easter Sunday started with kids up at a crazy hour clamoring for candy. When we met as a church, I felt pretty emotionally flat-lined. At least until the subtle guilt started rising... At that point, emotions have a tendancy to go south. I mean, what kind of Christian am I if I'm not leaping for joy on the day that is the highlight of the Christian calendar? A brief dry spell that would be just that on any other day suddenly seems reason enough to doubt my salvation on a day when I'm supposed to be especially devout.

Have you ever felt that? Ever had a Christmas season when the miracle of the incarnation got lost in the busyness? Or a Thankgiving when gratitude was not particularly abundant? Or an Easter when you really just wanted to go back to bed? It seems to me that while lack of wonder and awe and thankfulness expose our weakness and sin on any given day, they feel to us to be especially condemning when the calendar says it's time to be amazed and grateful.

And that is precisely why I am thankful for the events that inspire the Easter weekend celebration. The cross proclaims that I am justified by faith alone, not by the measure of my fervent devotion on Good Friday (or any other day). It is faith in Christ and his work that saves me, and not the number of tears I shed because of it. And the resurrection cries out that death and sin have been fully overcome, and that the day is fast approaching when it will be impossible to feel anything BUT joy and delight at the magnitude of Christ's work on our behalf!

The cross and the empty tomb should move us to celebration. But when instead our hearts fail to leap and our soul feels dry, it is the cross and the empty tomb that free us from the condemnation of the laws of religious observance. It is the cross and the empty tomb that respond to the devil's accusations of failure and apathy with the cry, "No! I paid for these sins, and I am making this cold heart new!"

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us... For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation (including spiritual dryness), will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:1-4,33-39)

Great is His Faithfulness

We're in the early stages of a move right now (hence the lack of posts lately), and I've been taking spare minutes here and there to start the labourious task of going through long-neglected corners and cubbies and culling the contents. It amazes me how much six people can accumulate in the space of 5 short years! Kudos to those of you who've moved after a much longer stretch in one place, because this is bad enough, and I don't even consider myself much of a pack rat!

Of course, the upside of going through closets and files that you haven't touched in years is that you tend to get rewarded with memories--little locks of baby hair from the girl who just turned 9, a love letter from a very smitten boyfriend (now husband of a decade), a cassette tape from my highschool music program that I might listen to if I still had a cassette player... But among all these things, the memories that have been most on my mind since I discovered them in a box a couple weeks ago are in a little packet of cards that once contained large sums of money.

Nathan and I have had few seasons in life where we've had plenty of money to spare. And while I admit that I sometimes envy people who seem to be able to make large purchases without batting an eye, on the whole I really am content to be in the position of just having enough. Maybe it's my upbringing as the daughter of a small-town pastor turned urban church planter. We weren't ever rolling in the dough then either! But when things are tight enough that the car is not allowed to break down and the shoes are going to make it through one last winter or else, there are ample opportunities to experience the blessing of God's visible, miraculous provision (because invariably, the car will break down and those shoes won't last past December). And that little packet of cards are evidence of just that: God's visible, miraculous provision for us. They come from a variety of times over the course of our 10 years of marriage. There's a note that accompanied a brand new dryer when a dear couple in Louisville found out I was hanging all of Susanna's baby clothes up to dry over the shower rod in our little apartment (and another one from the same couple that had grocery money in it). There's an index card from old friends explaining that they'd come into some money and just thought they'd send us some of it (at a time when, unbeknownst to them, we had just lost some furniture in a move). There's a copy of an anonymous cheque for $2000 that was dropped in the offering plate for us when Nathan broke his knee 4 years ago and was out of work (can't wait until heaven when I get to find out who did that!). And that cheque is right alongside another card from that same day that came with another $200, bringing the total to exactly 2 months rent (We found out shortly thereafter that one of our friends had actually been praying for 2 months' rent for us). And there are many, many more! We figure that if we could go back and add it all up, we've been the recipients of unexpected provisions worth over 10 thousand dollars over the last 10 years. God has been so, so faithful to us!

And yet, still we doubt his faithfulness! Even now, in the midst of planning for a move, we are continually tempted to wonder how in the world we are going to get by. We're just like those disciples who had witnessed Jesus' provision again and again, and still wonder how he's going to manage to feed those 5,000 hungry people. And then, after he more than manages, they immediately wonder about this new crowd of 4,000. Where's their food going to come from? God provides for us over and over without fail, and yet we struggle to believe he can do it again. Well, I am here to testify to you, and (maybe even more so) to myself, that God has ALWAYS been faithful to us. There has NEVER been one true need unmet, NEVER been a lack of grace for the trials of the day, NEVER been an abandoning of us in the hour of our weakness. God has already been faithful in filling our greatest need--to be reconciled to him through Christ's death on our behalf. And if he did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and you needn't worry about lacking food or clothes or any other necessary thing. He feeds the birds; he'll feed us, too. God has been faithful; he will be again.

And yes, he has been again, because just last week, he provided yet another unexpected large sum of money to help finance this move, from a family member who is getting a settlement from a 20-year-long dispute (side note: how amazing that God would allow that to go on for so long, so that just at the right time, we'd get what we need!). Lord, we believe you are faithful; help our unbelief!

This move will be a down-size, so we have a lot to toss, sell and give away. But you'd better believe that little packet of cards will be coming with us. In fact, if I didn't think my two-year-old might rip them to shreds, I'd post them on the fridge for a constant reminder!

All I have needed, his hand has provided. He's always been faithful to me!

Moving The Introvert Walls

A couple weeks ago, I read an interesting and helpful blog post about introverts and evangelism by Seth McBee. Whether you're an extrovert or an introvert, it's worth a read, and you can find it here. The basic point of the post is that introverts shouldn't be expected to evangelise in the same way as extroverts, on whose personality many common evangelism methods are based, and should rather be encouraged to share the gospel in ways that are more tailored to their quieter, more backstage personalities. I've had first-hand observation of how an introvert can be very effective at sharing Christ with others in quieter ways: my mother was, is and likely always will be the epitome of "introverted", but that hasn't stopped her from obeying Jesus' command to go and make disciples. My dad, who is the extrovert, is great at striking up a conversation with just about anyone and quickly drawing them in. But my mother keeps their home open to all the people he brings in, serving them with good food and a pleasant atmosphere, and as she gets to know people, she has a quiet way of bring the wisdom and good news of Scripture to bear on their lives. I know several people who would say that it was as much my mother's hospitality and careful quiet words that brought them to Christ as it was my father's invitation and loud gospel proclamation. So I agree whole-heartedly with this post.

But as an introvert, I want to follow it up with a challenge for all my introverted friends. Because it is not the main point of his post, it is easy to gloss over McBee's caution that we not use our introverted personality as a crutch. As I've seen in my own life though, I think we ARE often guilty of using our introversion as an excuse to go hide in our room, or to remain a "silent cleaning assassin" our whole life long and never go beyond that. We introverts need time away from people to rejuvenate. There's nothing sinful about that; it's part of our God-ordained personality. But it is very easy for us to want that too much. I am so often like the Pharisees: in the interests of staying within the confines of the law, they developed many extra rules and traditions around each point of the law to make sure they didn't come close to breaking any of God's actual commands. I do the same with my personality--I know I need quiet time by myself to rest, so to make sure I get enough, I build a personal space wall that is far higher and farther out than I truly need. You know, just to make sure... And pretty soon, I start believing that the far-out spacing of those walls is what I really do need to function. I become more and more selfish with my time and space, and justify it by my personality.

I'm discovering lately though, that while my fundamental need for "alone time" hasn't changed, I don't need anywhere near as much as I thought I did. And I'm actually capable of talking to people I don't know very well, and being open with them. We've been around more people in the last couple months than I ever thought possible, and not only am I still functioning, but (in the interest of full disclosure), I'm actually enjoying getting to know lots of new people and opening our lives to them. Yes, I've had days here and there when I really feel the need to tune out and have some quiet, to be in my own head space for a nice long while. But most days, little snatches of peace here and there have been enough to sustain me. And you're talking to the girl who was just reminded the other night of how someone we lived with for a few months (in the same house) figured really getting to know me was a lost cause because I was so good at keeping to myself the whole time!

I'm challenging myself, and all you introverted folks out there, to question our wall-placement. Are we guarding our time and our tongue more than necessary? Are we willing to sacrifice personal space to love others and see many know Christ? What is more important to us: that we function in a way that is always comfortable and convenient to us, or that lost and hurting people feel our care and hear the good news we have to offer? I'm not asking us to morph into extroverts. I'm not asking us to completely forsake quiet rejuvenation--we do need that to function and be better able to care for others. I'm not asking us to be the babbling brooks in the midst of a crowd. I'm not asking us to go stand on a soapbox in the town square and preach to a bunch of total strangers. Not today, anyway. But I am asking us to examine our reasons for remaining hidden and silent, and to look for ways that we can move our walls closer in and lower down, to push ourselves to serve others and speak into their lives even when we did it yesterday. Or this morning. Or when they are a complete stranger.

Yes, we are given different personality strengths from extroverts, and we should use our bent toward reflection, quiet service and one-on-one communication to God's glory, working alongside our extroverted brothers and sisters as one body with many different members. Yet there is also joy to be found in stretching and pushing and sometimes serving out of our weaknesses. And let's face it, folks: there is a definite weakness in having a personality that pushes us away from people. (Not just knocking the introvert here; extroverts have their own weaknesses.) But here is an opportunity to know God's strength perfected in our weakness. We will not always feel fully functional and refreshed when we are embracing the call to hospitality and evangelism. We may occasionally feel like we just can't sustain one more hour with people. But that is a place where God's grace and power have the chance to shine, carrying us through and holding us up when we know we have no more energy of our own. Any grace I've had these past few months to go on joyfully interacting with people when that seems like all I'm doing all the time has been exactly that: GRACE! And so here is not a new law, but rather a new chance to see God's sustaining grace at work in your life.

Start by being a cleaning assassin for Jesus. Be an introverted evangelist, and by God's grace, excel at it. But also allow God to move your walls in, to perforate them and even tear them down when they are in the way of reaching others with his grace, because in so doing, you'll allow more room for his grace in your own life.