Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Attack of the Hormones

A note to male readers: Yes, this post is aimed at my fellow women. No, it will not be graphic, but be forewarned that I am dealing with a women's issue. You're welcome to read and maybe gain a little insight into your wife and/or other significant women in your life, and for that matter, you may find something helpful for your own emotional issues, but I take no responsibility if you feel at all uncomfortable :) That said...

Have you ever had your hormones sneak up behind you, grab you in a headlock, then release you only to dropkick you to the ground, leaving you wailing on the floor before you realize what has happened to you?

Okay, so some of you are thinking I'm exaggerating just a bit. Others of you are nodding your head in sympathetic understanding. And there may be a few of you who are right in the grip of those hormonal emotions, and just hearing that makes you tear up again for reasons you can't explain :) At some points in my own life, I've been barely aware of any difference in my attitudes or emotions when it's "that time of the month" (though I'm sure others around me have seen a change!) Pregnancy did odd things to me - I'd have the typical mood swings in the first trimester, but by the third, I flatlined and had no emotions at all (and let me tell you, that's no more fun!). But especially since our youngest daughter was born, the effect of hormonal changes on my emotions each month has been more extreme. I don't know if it's growing older, or being busier or more tired, or a combination of a bunch of things, but for the past 2 years, it's become very important for me to learn how to deal with myself when the hormones kick in.

We can't always change what our hormones do to us, but we can learn to control the emotions that stem from them. And thankfully, God has not only commanded us to have self-control and to treat others in love at all times, but He's also given us the means to grow in these graces. Just for starters, for the majority of us, hormonal changes are predictable. That is a GIFT. If you find out you are pregnant, you don't have to wonder if the next 9 months are going to have an effect on your emotions--they will! If you've just had a baby, you can be certain that at least for a few weeks, it's going to be harder to control your emotions than in other seasons. I have no experience with menopause yet, but I do know that it's to be expected that the hormonal changes of pre-menopause will mess with your emotions. And for the vast majority of us, our monthly cycles are just that--monthly. Most of us can know ahead of time at least approximately which days of this month are going to be particularly difficult emotionally. Don't take that for granted! God has chosen to make this aspect of our lives fairly predictable, and we are to use that to our advantage to help us fight those mood swings. So it's worthwhile to keep track of your cycles and stage of life so you know when to expect the fight!

But once you do that, what do you do when those days come? I'm learning to be both proactive and reactive:

1) Be Proactive: If I know it's only a matter of days until my period, I also know that my mood is about to dip. So going into the fight for control of my emotions, I don't just need to stock up on feminine supplies; I also need to fasten that belt of truth around my waist, put on the breastplate of righteousness, be ready with the shoes of the gospel of peace, grab that shield of faith and be in the Word and in prayer as much as possible. At a time when we may be tempted to sleep in a little extra or veg out in front of the TV, we need instead to protect ourselves from emotional onslaughts by spending extra time meditating on the gospel and praying diligently for the help of the Holy Spirit. Self-control is part of the fruit of the Spirit, so we desperately need His help and grace if we are to have it. Even if we feel okay when we first wake up, we need to start each new day by acknowledging that the fight is on, that it is going to be hard, and that we need God's grace if we are to have any victory. Plead for God's mercy; He loves to pour it out on His daughters who know their need and humbly ask!

2) Be Reactive: No, I'm not talking about yelling angrily at anyone who offends you, or bursting into tears at the slightest inconvenience. I'm talking about reacting to yourself. If we are to control our emotions, we must learn to catch ourselves when we begin to react to other people or circumstances, and instead, to start talking to ourselves. We need to remind ourselves that hormonal changes cloud our visions and tempt us to blow things out of proportion. We need to remind ourselves that we are in the midst of a season where our emotions are not "normal", and ask ourselves to consider that what is happening may not be as terrible as we currently perceive it. We need to preach the gospel to ourselves. And that's not just saying, "Oh, Jesus died for my sins!" The gospel is the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. Duing his life, Jesus had struggles with emotions, too. He took on human flesh and lived for 33 years, which means that he underwent the hormonal changes of puberty. He certainly was tired and hungry at times, other things that contribute to a fragile emotional state. He was tempted, just as we are, to give in to anger and self-pity and despair. And that means that he understands. He has sympathy for his sisters (and brothers) who fight these temptations. But he also didn't give in to the temptation to react sinfully to his physical, very human limitations. And because he didn't give in, it also means that when we fail to keep our emotions in check, we must remind ourselves that his death on our behalf was sufficient to pay for all those times that we don't maintain perfect self-control, and that his life of perfect self-control has been credited to our record! And, because he was raised, we also will one day be raised with him in bodies that will no longer fight sin because of hormonal changes. The day is coming when every day of every month for all eternity will be full of perfect relationships, characterized only by joy and love and generous service! Hold out these truths to yourselves, sisters, and rejoice in the weakness of your physical body, through which God's strength in us is perfected!

Recently, it so happened that my cycle and a busy week lined up together to create the perfect storm. One particular very rainy day of that week, I was out running errands with the kids for way too long (if at all possible, avoid those kinds of stresses when you're dealing with PMS), and at the very end, we had an incident in which one of the kids almost got hit by a car in the parking lot. Thankfully, God protected us, but it shook us up, and after I got all the kids safely loaded into our van and climbed back into the driver's seat, I had that feeling like when you're in an elevator going down at a somewhat uncomfortable speed. I could feel my emotions begin to hurl toward the abyss. I suddenly wanted to be done with the day, to be done with motherhood, to go hole up in a backwoods cottage by myself and cease to deal with the world. But God was gracious to bring to mind the truths I'd sought to soak myself in that morning. He was gracious to help me talk sense and truth to myself, recognize lies and unbelief in my line of thought, and ask His forgiveness where I had sinned in my responses. He was also gracious to give me a husband who insisted that I take a few hours to spend by myself, away from the demands of running the household, while he looked after the kids (to any men still reading: this is a great gift to give to your wife!). It's a war, and I don't win every battle (ask Nathan!). But by being proactive about seeking God's help, and by reacting to myself with truth and grace, I am slowly learning to control those hormonal emotions and stay away from their sneak attacks.

So how about a little conversation here! How do you keep your emotions in check? Is there anything you've found particularly helpful?



Friday, August 24, 2012

Don't Test the Speaker!

Have you ever prayed for energy to deal patiently with the kids... and then stayed up way too late browsing the internet? Or watched a movie you felt uncomfortable about while praying for God's protection over your mind? I have.

Last week, I wrote about the fact that what ultimately causes us to go on existing is not our own efforts or our circumstances (be they good or bad), but rather God's powerful, effective, creative, sustaining word that accomplishes His will for us. As I pointed out in that post, Jesus' first response to the temptations of the devil in Matthew 4 expresses his confidence in the Father's ability to uphold his life by His word even when he has no physical sustenance. What is interesting and instructive is the devil's response to Jesus. The very next thing he tempts Jesus to do is to throw himself off the pinnacle of the temple, because angels are sure to catch him. As William Hendriksen points out, in his commentary on Matthew, it is as if the devil is saying to him, "You trust that your Father will keep you alive by the power of His effective word as long as it is His will, whether you've got food or not? Well, then prove that you can't thwart His will! Throw yourself down, and show me that He'll sustain you!" But how does Jesus respond? "Again, it is written, 'You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.'" Hendriksen says, "The false trust in the Father, which the devil demanded of Jesus in this second temptation was not any better than the distrust he had proposed in the first."

We are not to be anxious about our lives or the lives of our loved ones. We are carried by God's word even through very difficult or impossible situations. And even when life is easy and pleasant, it is still God's word that allows us to continue to live. But it is also quite possible to have a false confidence in God's ability and desire to sustain us that makes us reckless, foolish and irresponsible. God is sovereign over our lives, but He has also gifted us with working brains and the Spirit's guidance. He commands us to ask Him for wisdom when we lack it (James 1:5). The Bible is full of God's revelation of true wisdom to us, and if we ignore or deny God's wisdom for our lives, all the while expecting that God will protect us anyway, we are putting our Father to the test.

Hendriksen gives some examples:
"A person will earnestly beseech the Lord to bestow upon him the blessing of health; however, he neglects to observe the rules of health. Or, he will ask God to save his soul; however, he neglects to use the means of grace, such as the study of Scripture, church attendance, the sacraments, living a life for the benefit of others to the glory of God. Again, someone will plead with the Lord for the spiritual as well as physical welfare of his children, but he himself neglects to bring them up in the way of the Lord... 'You shall not put the Lord your God to the test' is the answer to all of this."

Maybe you're a student who "forgets" to study and then pleads with God to help you pass your exam. Maybe you're a mother who prays daily for the safety of her children, but is too busy surfing the web (or writing her blog) to effectively supervise them. Maybe you're a driver who can't imagine that God would ever allow you to be the one involved in a fatal crash, but you don't maintain your vehicle and you drive too fast. Maybe you're praying for God's provision for a big financial need you have, but you aren't careful with your budget, and when you get an extra little bit of unexpected money, you spend it on your passions instead (James 4:3)."'You shall not put the Lord your God to the test' is the answer to all of this."

None of us lives in perfect wisdom. Only Jesus has ever done that! And his righteous response to Satan's temptation is counted to us who believe the gospel, even when we give in to that very same temptation. And God is often merciful to speak His sustaining words even when we have been incredibly stupid, or just plain naive. It is also true that we may be a very godly, wise person and yet God in His good wisdom ends our life in an early or tragic way. But we must not put Him to the test, ignoring His means of sustenance and presupposing on His desire to give us life. Rather, in thankfulness for His continued care and revealed wisdom, let us press on to grow in the grace of wisdom, trusting fully that it is not ultimately our efforts but God's powerful and merciful word that sustains us, and using the mental faculties that He has provided, and relying on His written word and the guidance of His Spirit to make us wise, responsible, careful children of our Father in heaven.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Grandparents Are a Blessing

I had the privilege of getting a couple more days up at my parents' cottage with the kids this week (Nathan joined us for one evening). I am so thankful for a peaceful place to go that's only a few hours away, where the kids have toys they haven't seen since last time (you know that makes them all the better, even if it's only been a few weeks!) and the great outdoors beckon--even to my indoor bookworm (and admittedly videophile) of a son. It's also refreshing to have just a few days that aren't taken up with so much normal housekeeping... I don't know about you, but I think I find the everyday upkeep of the household to be far more draining in the long haul than dealing with fights, temper-tantrums, school work and training children.

I'm also exceedingly thankful for loving parents who made a point of giving me some quiet breaks during my youngest kid's naps where they took the older kids on a boating adventure and a library visit (the latter should earn them both Brave Grandparent of the Year awards... taking three noisy kids to a LIBRARY is a big undertaking, even if it's a small community one). Yesterday's outing allowed me to read an entire chapter of a book during conscious daytime hours without getting up at all, and I even had sufficient time remaining for focused prayer about what I'd read. If you've had young kids at home, you know that's a major feat--and a huge blessing! Praise the Lord for grandparents!

So now we're back to everyday life, which has its pleasantries, too. The affordsaid bookworm son commented last time that he loves the cottage, but its sure nice to have a schedule back. Unfortunately, some of us seem to be coming down with something, but at least we have a chance to get it out of our systems before our last Labour Day summer cottage outing and the start of a new school year.

More book blurbs to come after the next trip, and for tomorrow, another side of the thoughts from Sustained By Words.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Sustained By Words

"As creatures of God we are totally dependent upon him for everything. We are dependent not only on the continual rule or providence of God in nature for the production of food and other goods, but also for every moment of our existence. We draw the next breath, our hearts beat the next beat, we are conscious of the next moment of our existence only because God goes on sustaining the very substance of creation. There are no laws of nature that are self-sustaining. If God were to withdraw for a split second his powerful word, the universe would cease to exist in that same split second. That is why man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God (Deut 8:3; see also Ps 104:24-30). So Christ, as the creative Word of God, sustains 'all things by his powerful word' (Heb 1:3), and 'in him all things hold together' (Col 1:17)."
-Graeme Goldworthy, According to Plan: The Unfolding Revelation of God in the Bible

These thoughts gave me a new insight into Jesus' quoting of Deuteronomy 8:3 when the Devil tempts him to turn stones into bread after 40 days of fasting (and serious hunger!). I've always thought of this response as meaning that man can't just survive on physical sustenance, but also needs the spiritual food of meditation on God's written word to grant him life. That is certainly a true biblical idea, but what Jesus is saying here is, in the words of William Hendriksen, "Tempter, you are proceeding upon the false assumption that for a man, in order to appease hunger and keep alive, bread is absolutely necessary. Over against this erroneous idea, I now declare that not bread but the creative, energizing, and sustaining power of my Father is the only indispensable source of my, and of man's, life and well-being." (Exposition of the Gospel According to Matthew)

Hendriksen goes on:
"The expression 'every word that comes out through the mouth of God' refers to the word of his power. It is God's omnipotence exercised in creation and preservation. It is his word of effective command; for example, 'And God said, Let there be light, and there was light' (Gen. 1:3); 'By the word of Jehovah were the heavens made' (Ps. 33:6)."

The point is this: Man can eat as much bread as he can get a hold of and yet, if God withdraws His sustaining word, such a person will die that very instant. Conversely, man can be without any bread due to circumstances beyond his control--and by God's mercy, even circumstances WITHIN his control-- and yet, by God's sustaining word that man will go on living.

This doesn't negate human responsibility (more on that in another post), but places our responsibility squarely UNDER God's sovereign dominion and care. We live and move and have our being only because God continues to speak His sustaining word that commands us to go on living. And what a relief this is to the anxieties of daily life!

As I drive back and forth from VBS this week, logging 500 kms just in multiple short trips, I am aware that the reason I have yet to drive off the road or hit another car is not merely the good condition of our van or my ability to stay alert and focus on the road (anyone who's ever had 4 kids in the back of their van knows it couldn't possibly be that!), though these are agents of God's care. I have yet to die on the road because God continues to speak His powerful words of existence for me.

If you are fighting illness, or you worry every time your child acts out crazy kid-antics on the jungle gym, or things are so tight that you literally don't know where tomorrow's meal is going to come from, trust that God's word will speak sustenance until the very moment HE has appointed for the end. It is not bread, or health or helicopter parenting that keeps us all going. And "which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" (Matt. 6:27) Man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of God, and His powerful word will never cease to command and carry out His good, pleasing and perfect will.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Cars, Papers and Living Words

God always provides what we need.

It's a truth I'm still learning to really believe, and it's a truth my kids don't grasp yet either. My oldest daughter, in particular, is very easily gripped by anxiety when she perceives a need or problem (however small) and can't immediately see how she can fix it. This morning I encountered yet another example of this. It's VBS week (which means it's my week to live in the car) and yesterday, she left some papers at a friend's house that she needed to bring today. She realized this as we were heading out the door, already on the verge of being late. Instantly, her world began to fall to pieces. Anguished outbursts like "Mommy, if I don't have those papers, I'm going to FAIL VBS!" and several "But what ifs" were her contribution to the getting-out-the-door conversation. The mood in the car was no better.

So before we started on their memory verse for the day, I pleaded with my daughter to trust that God knows what we need and always provides it. He knows whether she needs those papers today, so she doesn't need to worry about it. I then related to the kids how Mommy and Daddy are often tempted to be anxious and not trust God's goodness and provision for us. Just this week, Nathan's car was hit (thankfully, he wasn't in it and no one was hurt), and the damage was bad enough that we thought it might be totaled. If so, we'd be needing to purchase a new vehicle, and that would cost us more than the old one was worth--money we didn't have. We had a few days to wait for the damage assessment and during that time, worry was an easy option. But both past experience and--more importantly--God's Word tell us that He always cares for our true needs and so, I told the kids, we prayed that God would provide the right provision for our car need. And because God is always faithful, He did. In His kindness and provision, the car is a hair less than totaled, so it will be fixed at no cost of any of us by the insurance, and we don't need a new vehicle. (And of course, had it actually been totaled, we know God would have somehow provided us with a new one... or a job that didn't require a car... or some other answer I don't yet have a category for!) This, I told my daughter, is how God cares for the details of our lives, and so we must not be anxious, but trust and pray.

Then we turned to the memory verse, which "happened" to be Psalm 46:1. "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." After repeating it with them once, it occurred to me that such a verse was immediately applicable to my daughter's trouble with the forgotten VBS papers. I was just about to point this out when she piped up, "Hey, Mommy! This verse is exactly about my situation and what you just said! How did the VBS people know to make this the verse for today?!" ....Which gave me the opportunity to say, "That's God's provision for you! He knew you'd have this trouble today, and He knew that this verse would apply. He's already begun to answer our prayer for provision by providing you with His Word today. That's how good He is, that He makes even those little details work together for your good." And then we talked about what it means for God to be our refuge, and an ever-present one at that.

She was left in wonder that a seemingly "random" VBS Bible verse could be given by God to speak directly into her day, and I was left praising the God who opens the eyes even of little children to see and hear how His words apply to their lives (and mine!).

Thank you, Lord, for not only allowing my daugher to hear your Word regularly from infancy, but also for granting her the faith-building experience of seeing your Word come alive to her in the midst of her very present 8-year-old troubles. May we all grow in trusting your good and gracious provision for our lives, not only in fixed cars or found papers, but also especially in your living Word to your people!