False Pretenses

Yeah, well, it's a good thing I didn't promise to post again before the week was up, seeing as we're around to Friday again with no extra entries in between. I've been busy cleaning every spare corner of our house (honestly, what madness is this that gets into a woman in the last month of pregnancy when she's supposed to be resting from hard physical labour??!) Okay, so I haven't cleaned EVERY spare corner... yet... but unless Tookie is earlier than I expect, I've still got at least 2 weeks to get the rest of them done... Among my various accomplishments this week: we finally have some pictures up on the walls (something it's taken me 5 months to do)... well, at least we have pictures up on one wall. But hey, that's not bad considering the previous rate of picture-hanging! :) You can also see the surface of our dresser... as in the whole surface! Nevermind that the floor looks like a tornado has been through it... I'm cleaning from the top down, and down is for next week.

I've started reading through Acts this week, too, partially because Nathan and I have been trying to better understand the Holy Spirit's work in the Church (so I figured the history of the early church would be a good place to start), and also because for some reason unknown to me, it's the book in the New Testament that I'm least familiar with (except maybe Jude). I've also been listening to a sermon series on Acts as I read through it... I read the story of Ananaias and Sapphira in Acts 5 the other day, and this afternoon, got around to listening to the sermon relating to said passage... I've only ever really thought of the application of that passage, as it follows from the context at the end of chapter 4, as being that we ought not to claim anything as our own possession but rather to view all that we've been given as a gift from God to be used in the service of His Church, and that we dare not make false pretenses of being more generous than we actually are. Which is all true, and convicting in its own right, but C.J. Mahaney extends that false pretense application to all areas of our lives... the sin committed by Ananaias and his wife was one of making themselves out to be more spiritual than they actually were, in order, perhaps, to look as good as Barnabas (Acts 4: 36,37), which is something that is an almost daily temptation, probably for most of us. I know I struggle with it in the area of "being involved"... I look at people (often singles, but not necessarily so) who seem to be involved in every ministry the church carries out, as well as a stack of other personal ministries, and suddenly I feel like I need to make a detailed list, for myself and anyone who wants to listen, of all the little things I do that make me look "busy for God"... I'm not content to be seen for what I am - a mother of a small child with another strapped around her waist 24/7 who does what she can to take care of her home and family and with the remaining time is involved regularly in a very few and not very visible other ministries. I want to look like Superwoman, and if I think anyone might question my "lack" of involvement, I feel this tremendous need to defend my reputation and show off any accomplishment I can think of, even if it means exaggerating. And yet for such a lie, Ananaias and Sapphira were executed on the spot (and not under the covenant of law either!).

God, be merciful to me,
On Thy grace I rest my plea;
Plenteous in compassion Thou,
Blot out my transgressions now;
Wash me, make me pure within,
Cleanse, O cleanse me from my sin.

My transgressions I confess,
Grief and guilt my soul oppress;
I have sinned against Thy grace
And provoked Thee to Thy face;
I confess Thy judgment just,
Speechless, I Thy mercy trust.

I am evil, born in sin;
Thou desirest truth within.
Thou alone my Savior art,
Teach Thy wisdom to my heart;
Make me pure, Thy grace bestow,
Wash me whiter than the snow.

Broken, humbled to the dust
By Thy wrath and judgment just,
Let my contrite heart rejoice
And in gladness hear Thy voice;
From my sins O hide Thy face,
Blot them out in boundless grace.

Gracious God, my heart renew,
Make my spirit right and true;
Cast me not away from Thee,
Let Thy Spirit dwell in me;
Thy salvation’s joy impart,
Steadfast make my willing heart.

Sinners then shall learn from me
And return, O God, to Thee;
Savior, all my guilt remove,
And my tongue shall sing Thy love;
Touch my silent lips, O Lord,
And my mouth shall praise accord.

- The Psalter (1912)

[more recently recorded by Jars of Clay, which, as Nathan can attest, is a CD I am in the process of quickly wearing out]