in the new book of the same title, he does give credit to the wisdom of many books on parenting. But this essay got me to thinking about the helpfulness of having two different perspectives in our life as parents (and really, in any sphere of life).We were once part of a wonderful church community that was full of young parents. It seemed like everyone had kids the same ages as ours. Our kids had multiple options for playmates; we had people with whom we could swap date-night childcare; when the going was tough, friends would readily weep with you because the memories of similar struggles were so very fresh in their minds. We had all the sympathy in the world. But when we didn't know what to do in a parenting situation, we often had very little help (not never, just often). Even the "older" parents were only a couple years ahead, and often, questions were answered with either, "I have no idea what to tell you because we're struggling with the same thing right now" or "Well, this book I read says..." When we lacked wisdom on an issue where there was no clear biblical directive, we needed parents with a proven track-record who could share what had worked and what hadn't. And while the books were helpful, we longed for some real-life next-door-neighbour kind of wisdom from people who knew us and our kids and our situation.
After several years, we moved to another city and were part of another wonderful church community. And this time, there were multiple parents with years and years of parenting experience behind them. When we had a question, there were many trusted people we could ask, and the answers we received were genuinely insightful and helpful. I read fewer parenting books during that time because the information I was looking for was readily available at our church from people who DID know us and our kids and our situation. But for a while, we were one of the only young families in the church, and this brought with it struggles of its own. Suddenly, we felt like we had all the wisdom in the world at our fingertips, and not so much in the way of real-time sympathy. I don't mean to say that these dear friends weren't gracious or caring, or that they didn't remember anything about having small children. They were incredibly so, and they did. But there is something different about not only having people who have walked the road you're on, but who are walking it alongside you RIGHT NOW. We were so grateful for all the wisdom, and yet longed for other young parents who were feeling enough of the insanity of parenting at that moment that they could assure us that we weren't totally crazy ourselves.
And then there's been this past year. Now we're in a small church plant in a condo community where there aren't very many of either kind of parent around (thankfully, we do have at least one of each type). But this is a period where I really appreciate the hind-sighted wisdom of parenting articles written by the "gurus" AND the real-time sympathy of other moms and dads who are in the battle right now. I need both the biblical principles that DON'T come from the midst of the fog of war, and I also really needed to read Altrogge's essay after a day of parenting when I thought I was on the verge of being committed to the asylum myself. I needed to read descriptions of family devotions and fight break-ups that, before I was a parent myself, I would have thought were complete hyperbole. (I can now vouch for Altrogge and say that the actual situations were probably even crazier than what comes across in the essay.)
And then I needed to remember that ultimately, the best hope for us parents is not in a great parenting book OR in the sympathy of a fellow parent. The best hope for us parents is Jesus Christ. In him alone do both unending wisdom and unending sympathy combine. He is the source of all truth; he created the whole parenting process and he knows how it runs best. But he's also lived this life, and though he was never a biological parent himself, he has vast experience, even at this moment, in dealing with "little children" who don't listen, who need a hug after they've gone and injured themselves by their own foolishness, who fight over things that would make any sane person incredibly puzzled, who bring "gifts" of love that only a parent can see the beauty in, and whom he is growing up into a people of praise for his glory. And isn't that what we all really want? Someone who simultaneously knows precisely what to do and is even now in the thick of doing it? And on top of that, someone who really knows us, who knows our kids, who knows our situation?
We need them both: the wise words of older parents--even when they seem sanitized and somewhat detached, and the encouragement of young parents who are battling the same battles we're facing today. So I won't slap anyone around today, nor will I lament the glut of mom blogs (and dad blogs) on the web these days. Today I will be thankful for the seasoned parents, the parents in the thick of it, and above all, a Lord and Saviour who both knows all and knows all.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Best parenting book I've ever read: Give Them Grace
by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson (combo of older woman and younger mom)Best parenting essays by parents (because sometimes you need a laugh and some hope at the same time): Parenting 001 by Kevin deYoung and The Inmates Are Running the Asylum
by Stephen Altrogge
No comments:
Post a Comment