Room For All

"The evangelical culture ties together faithfulness with extroversion. The emphasis is on community, on participating in more and more programs and events, on meeting more and more people. It's a constant tension for many introverts that they're not living that out. And in a religious world, there's more at stake when you feel that tension. It doesn't feel like 'I'm not doing as well as I'd like.' It feels like 'God isn't pleased with me.'"

- Adam McHugh (1), as quoted in Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

Is there room in the church for introverts? This is one of the questions Susan Cain asks in her fascinating--and fairly helpful--book Quiet. (She's not just picking on the church--she asks the same about the business and education worlds.) Cain writes about the difficulty fitting in and flourishing that introverts may find in all the community- and interaction-oriented activities in the typical evangelical church and concludes that we have "taken the Extrovert Ideal to its logical extreme... If you don't love Jesus out loud, then it must not be real love. It's not enough to forge your own spiritual connection to the divine; it must be displayed publicly. Is it any wonder that introverts... start to question their own hearts?" (emphasis hers).

So, is there room in the church for introverts? Yes, yes, and yes again for good measure! It is true that some things done in church services and meetings make introverts feel uncomfortable (a common example is the "greet your neighbour" moment). And yes, some of these things may be done with little thought given to how introverts, or new people, or people with disabilities or others might react. But the simple fact of the matter is that there are many parts of being a Christian that are biblically commanded that make introverts feel uncomfortable. Show hospitality to strangers; do not neglect the assembly of believers; we believe and so we also speak; be very bold...  Does that mean God loves extroverts more? By no means! There are plenty of biblical commandments that introverts may find more simple, while the extrovert sitting next to them is squirming(2): be slow to speak (and quick to hear, though McHugh has written a good post on the stereotype of introverts as good listeners and extroverts as poor ones), let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only what is useful for building others up, pray, meditate on God's word day and night... And then there are those that are hard for all of us, like "bless those who persecute you".

The truth is that God's standards are not all easy for anyone to follow, whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, a child or an adult, a man or a woman, rural or urban, Chinese, German, Canadian or Rwandan. There are parts of God's character that some of us find easier to follow than others, but each of us will come across points that make us uncomfortable, that require serious effort. In fact, we will all encounter areas in following Jesus that require nothing less than the power of God's spirit working through us to accomplish, our own personal offering being nothing but weakness and insufficiency!

That is how I have sometimes felt about participating in church gatherings. Some days that's hard for me--I feel the nagging temptation to stay home and be quiet. And yes, there's a good time and a place for quiet, for sure. But one of the defining characteristics of a follower of Jesus is that he is no longer his own, no longer independent. God makes him a member of Jesus' body, to work together with other Christians as members of the same body. That's pretty intense and intimate imagery for an introvert! That's getting into my space just a little more than I'd like! And that's why I need God's grace to live this way, just like the stereotypical extrovert needs God's grace to sit still and meditate on God's Word for a while, even though friends are calling on her to come be social.

Furthermore, whether it is "comfortable" or not, loving Jesus out loud is part of truly loving Jesus. James says that faith without works is dead, and the Bible is full of exhortations to speak God's truth and declare God's praise. If no one else on the planet ever sees you act or speak in a way that demonstrates love for Jesus, you should question your heart, just as you might be questioned on your love for your spouse if you never did or said anything public to show it. However, "public faith" doesn't mean you have to be standing up on the pew, shouting for all the world to hear. Yes, it might make you uncomfortable nonetheless. But Christianity isn't about being comfortable--not in this life anyway. We worship a crucified Jesus and he was NOT comfortable on that cross! But he went there so we didn't have to take the punishment for all the times we are too afraid to love Jesus out loud, for all the times we don't pray, don't invite that lonely person over when we feel the Spirit nudging us, don't shut up and really listen. And he gives us his spirit so that we can have grace and power to live like he did, even when it doesn't suit our personality profile or our dreams.

I know for a fact that there are aspects of Christianity that make plenty of extroverts feel like God isn't pleased with them, like they're not living up to His standards. But the point is that none of us can meet them all. That's why we need Jesus--because we are weak, imperfect people who can't do it on our own. (In fact, the only people Jesus said he didn't come for were the self-righteous, who think they can please God in their own strength.) As my husband likes to say, we don't need a crutch; we need a stretcher! It's also why we need the church--we need the strength of our brothers and sisters to help our weaknesses and they need us for the same reason.

And this is where God gets the glory: when he takes weak, sinful, needy people, gives them Jesus' record of perfection--whereby we also gain his eternal pleasure and affirmation--and puts all our different personalities, giftings, backgrounds and, yes, weaknesses together in one body called the Church, and then shows the power of his Spirit when he works through these same people to transform the world. It's not about me and my temperament needs. It's about him and his glory. So come in, all you introverts! Join us, all you extroverts! Follow Jesus, all you men, women, boys and girls! And bring them in from the four corners of the earth!

"Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free [introvert, extrovert]; but Christ is all, and in all." (Colossians 3:11)


A couple questions to consider:
-Are there things we do in our churches that unnecessarily cause certain kinds of people discomfort? Is there a more accommodating way we could accomplish the same goal? Are we showing appreciation for the quieter servants among us?

-Are there things that God has asked us to do that I am avoiding because it doesn't suit my "natural inclinations" or temperament?

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Notes:
1) As described by Cain, I think Adam McHugh comes across as fairly negative toward the Church and its expectations of introverts. However, in his own personal writings, he is much more balanced, and offers both critique of the church's dealings with introverts AND honest, helpful encouragement to introverts who need to grow in the way they function in the church community.

2) The whole discussion of introverts and extroverts is unfortunately based largely on stereotypes. I'd like to explore this a little more in another post, but for the time being, when I use the terms "introvert" and "extrovert", I'm using them according to standard (western) cultural usage. You may or may not fit the stereotype.

Attaining the Unattainable

We live in a world of ideals, many of them conflicting. Our culture prizes the ideal of "being true to myself" (if I can only figure out who I am!), while at the same time setting forth ideals of what great people look like, talk like and find interesting. I've read this week (yes, we're settled in enough that I've actually done some reading!) about the modern "Extrovert Ideal", which prefers charisma, a polished public persona and enthusiastic, engaging speaking abilities above quiet reflection, backstage service, awkward genius and an unassuming personality. I've also read about idealistic body image advertising, and how companies not only blur out celluloid and wrinkles, but slim and reproportion models into a computer generated image that fits with--and entrenches--our cultural ideals of beauty. I could list several more examples, but we also live in a culture that prizes brevity, so I will refrain.

The problem with these ideals is that they are often unattainable to the average human. Who I want to be depends far too often on who I think others think I should be, which I can never fully figure out. I can do my best to polish my speech and be out there, chatting it up with strangers, but my God-given personality is far more suited to quiet (or not so quiet) interaction with small groups of familiar people, and that's my natural gravitation. And I will never be 5'11" and 100 lbs with perfect skin and curves in all the "right" places, no matter how hard I try. In fact, the desperate struggle to reach these ideals (and others) has caused many people--myself included--confusion, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and a generally unhealthy and low view of self and others.

The good news is that the Bible doesn't prize any of these ideals. It says I'm made in God's image (!), and that is who I should be. It holds up as heroes of the faith not only loud passionate people like Peter, but also those who "pondered these things in [their hearts]". It says it's the meek who will inherit the earth. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain"; it's the woman who fears the Lord who is to be praised. (And, might I add, there is no brevity in Psalm 119's exposition of the beauty of the Law!) What freedom there is in God's Word from the slavish drive to follow cultural ideals of personality, beauty, wealth and success!

But there's some bad news, too. The Bible also has an ideal that it holds up. And it's God's ideal, so it's the one we should listen to. AND it's even more unattainable than any ideal we could ever dream up. God's ideal is perfection in all areas of our life, for every single moment of every hour of all the years of our life! The Bible says I'm made in God's image, and that is who I should be (!). It says, "Be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect." It says I'm not ever to hold anything dearer than God himself, even when a cool new piece of technology comes out or a great new friend comes along. It says I'm to love my neighbour as much as I love myself (and boy, is that ever a lot!), even when she hates me and continually voices her negative opinion of my house, my kids, my job, my faith or whatever. It says I'm to live a life of continual prayer, thankfulness, contentment and praise, never wavering in my faith in God's righteousness, even when life circumstances are painful and incomprehensible. It also says that one small departure from this standard is enough to disqualify me for life! And yet, if I haven't already figured it out for myself, this same Word also proclaims that I cannot possibly keep this standard because "there is no one righteous, no not one," and, "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." If I wasn't depressed by vainly trying to attain a charismatic personality with a stunning body and succinct speech, all the while holding firmly to a non-conformist value of just being myself, surely this impossible demand for perfection in all things is enough to send me over the edge!

And that is why, when I think about impossible requirements, I'm so thankful that there's more good news! We can't attain this unattainable standard. But someone did. And what's more, that someone did it not just for his own benefit, but for ours as well. That someone is Jesus, and he lived a life of complete perfection, following God's standards to the smallest point. And then he gave up this perfect life, taking the mockery and hatred of other humans and the wrath of God we deserved, and clothed us in his righteousness, giving us his perfect record of obedience. And even now he stands in heaven, interceding on our behalf, holding up his perfect record before God the Father and proclaiming that it belongs to us, so that in God's eyes, through Jesus, we actually attain the unattainable!

The Bible proclaims that God takes dirty, sinful, awkward, socially maligned individuals and sings over them, loving them and adopting them into His own family, fully accepting them on the basis of His Son's perfection. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh,could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. (Romans 8:1-4)

We may be ordinary, quiet, fat, short, balding, poor. We may have spider veins and crooked teeth and hate public speaking with a vengeance. We may feel like our earthly existence is acknowledged by no one, or like we're unusually loud or too long-winded, or too this, that and the other thing. And we are most definitely sinful, falling far short of God's requirements--the only requirements that really matter in the end. But if we are trusting in Jesus' work on our behalf, even while we still have far to grow in living according to God's standards in this life, we are misfits no longer. We belong fully to God, who grants and credits to us the perfect satisfaction, righteousness and holiness of Christ, as if we had never sinned nor been sinners, as if we had been as perfectly obedient as Christ was obedient for us. All we need to do is to accept this gift of God with a believing heart (Heidelberg Catechism, Question 60). And that's good news in a world of unattainable ideals!

Once Upon A Time, I Had a Blog...

Just the other day, I got an email in my inbox reminding me that my domain name was up for renewal. "Oh yeah," I thought, "I have a blog."

Well, I'm pretty sure I have a good excuse for not writing anything at all last month--big move, major surgery and all. Not that there's any law regarding the frequency of blog posts anyway. But I do hope to get back to writing more often, now that we're getting settled in and the kids are on their last week of finishing up their final school projects.

So this is just a brief post to say that we made it through the worst of moving out, moving in and major knee surgery (Nathan's, not mine). I do now remember that I have a regular space to write, and will likely be back to it shortly. But that's all for now, folks!


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Update: Ha! Just got an email from Twitter welcoming me back and saying it's been a while since I've been seen. Thanks for rubbing that in, Twitter! :)